To say no to looking after DD's friend tonight?

(40 Posts)
thefuturesnotourstosee Thu 20-Jun-13 16:43:19

Feeling slightly guilty but can't decide if IABU...

DDs friend's mum phoned me in a bit of a panic at 1pm saying she desperately needed someone to look after her dd tonight as her husband was working late and she was on late shift.

She wanted me to get her from school with dd and then her husband was going to pick her up at 5.30pm.

Last time I agreed to this it was 7.30pm before she was picked up and despite me phoning my calls were just being dropped. I never got an apology either. I have heard similar stories from other parents about the same child.

I've just had a text saying no one could do it so she's had to take unpaid time off work.

AIBU to have told her no?

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 20-Jun-13 22:22:53

I would have helped but I would also have told her that we were busy from 5.30 onwards so it was crucial that her DD was picked up by then.
If she picked up late, never again.

Ooh, I love Bertha's text grin!

"That's outrageous! Your husband knew you were on late shift and yet he chose to work late - and he expects YOU to be the one to take time off. I'd be having words with him if I were you. Glad you got it sorted though"

YANBU. I wouldn't have done it either, not after how they behaved last time.

AndHarry Thu 20-Jun-13 21:53:51

YANBU because 1) it sounds like they regularly take advantage and 2) shift work isn't exactly sprung as a last-minute surprise and combined with the guilt trip-inducing text makes me think she left it to the last minute so she could emotionally blackmail you/some other victim.

Oldraver Thu 20-Jun-13 20:30:54

No I wouldn't do it...and in light of her attempt top make you feel guilty I would be telling her why..

shewhowines Thu 20-Jun-13 19:53:56

I'd have done it, but I'd say. "Last time you were late and it really inconvenienced us. Can you make sure you are on time please or I won't be able to do it again"

Then she knows how you feel and it is up to her whether she gets favours done in the future or not.

cees Thu 20-Jun-13 19:48:57

YANBU, fool me once and all that.

foreverondiet Thu 20-Jun-13 19:36:08

You are not being unreasonable - I might even be tempted to post saying that you are still annoyed that when she came late last time she didn't apologise, and that it doesn't bother you that she had to take unpaid leave.

greenfolder Thu 20-Jun-13 19:23:50

Yanbu as long as she knew that was late picking up. Had exactly the same scenario, refused to do it again and told her why. In your case, surely she could have used an after school club if dp was available at 5.30

WinterWinds Thu 20-Jun-13 17:56:58

YANBU, I wouldn't do it either.

I once got asked to watch a neighbours child as she was off on a night out in the next town and her dp was going to drop her off and come straight back to pick up the child. She said it would only be for 10 minutes or so.
I knew it would be at least 20 minutes and allowing for traffic 30 minutes at a push, No problem says I. This was at 7.30pm. The kids were playing out anyway so wasn't an issue. (was summer)
After they'd gone her ds who was about 9 at the time turned up asking to use the toilet he was locked out and was really desperate. So I told him to stay.

Time starts rolling gets to 8pm no sign, 9pm nothing. So I start worrying as its getting dark, my own DD needs to go to bed, no answer on phone. Asked her ds if he knew where his mum was going and if he had an idea where the dp could be.
The reply "oh yeah, they were going out for dinner first". hmm

DP finally turns up stinking of lager at 9.30pm. No Apology, No explanation and also had the nerve to ask her DS why he was at my house as he wasn't supposed to be with me.
I explained that he was locked out and I couldn't leave him on the street.
He then muttered a half hearted thanks and sauntered off.....I was fuming to say the least. God knows why they thought it was perfectly reasonable to leave a 9 year old out on the street to fend for himself. hmm

Some people take the piss and that was the one and only time I watched those kids. Despite several hints waiting for me to offer, I never did.

mrsravelstein Thu 20-Jun-13 17:50:07

i had a friend who did this all the time, would call me at 10pm in a panic needing child looked after all day, and i mean, a 6am drop off so she could go to work and then would be late picking up so my kids would be in bed by time she got to me. i did it about 3 times as i felt sorry for her. then stopped answering the phone when she rang me. it might not be an intentional piss take, but it definitely is one.

I think I'd text back and say "That's outrageous! Your husband knew you were on late shift and yet he chose to work late - and he expects YOU to be the one to take time off. I'd be having words with him if I were you. Glad you got it sorted though"

pinkyredrose Thu 20-Jun-13 17:45:12

concrete wink

Concreteblonde Thu 20-Jun-13 17:41:29

About as PA as yours Pinky wink

BrianTheMole Thu 20-Jun-13 17:39:59

Your comment was slightly passive aggressive did you mean it to be?

i would think the only answer to that has to be yes grin

BrianTheMole Thu 20-Jun-13 17:38:33

I probably would have helped her out and asked her to make sure she collected on time. But a 7.30 pick up wouldn't bother me anyway.

pinkyredrose Thu 20-Jun-13 17:34:21

concrete I have plenty of friends thank you. We help each other out, we do not take the piss. Your comment was slightly passive aggressive did you mean it to be?

SoleSource Thu 20-Jun-13 17:27:50

Having lots of 'friends' means fuck all

yanbu

I think she took the piss, fuck her

ChaoticTranquility Thu 20-Jun-13 17:27:21

Last time I agreed to this it was 7.30pm before she was picked up and despite me phoning my calls were just being dropped. I never got an apology either. I have heard similar stories from other parents about the same child.

^^This and the fact that no one is willing to do it this time speaks volumes.

The fact that she sent you a guilt trippy text just compounds that these people are piss takers.

YANBU

fubbsy Thu 20-Jun-13 17:20:41

My understanding is that the children are friends, but the OP is not friends with the other mum.

YANBU the guilt-trip text only confirms your instincts.

You could send a text with a smiley face and say you are glad it was so easily sorted.

Concreteblonde Thu 20-Jun-13 17:16:34

I have lots of friends. We help each other out lots. Sometimes somebody gets held up, or wires get crossed about pick up times. We still help each other out.
Do you have many friends Pinky ? wink

NotSoNervous Thu 20-Jun-13 17:15:37

YANBU and ignore the text there was need for her to send that you but she wanted you to feel bad

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 20-Jun-13 17:15:20

YANBU

And clearly she has burnt all her bridges because no-one was prepared to do it. It is all her own fault.

This is the kind of person who is always moaning that the world is against them without ever pausing to think that their behaviour might be causing it!

MerylStrop Thu 20-Jun-13 17:15:08

I would have done it
Knowing my friends would do same for me
And I wouldn't have been that fussed about a 7.30 pickup
She sounds a bit disorganised, either that or her husband is a bit of an arse and doesn't support her working (reads between lines)
YANBU though if you didn't want to

pinkyredrose Thu 20-Jun-13 17:12:42

concrete friends help each other out. Friends do not take advantage. Can you tell the difference?

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