To send the little boy from next door home?

(104 Posts)

DS1 is 6. This little boy is 5. DS2 is 2.

The little boy is always in here playing, either in the garden or in the house. That's fine. His sister comes in to play with dd too. And sometimes they go next door.

I get on well enough with next door. Coffees, BBQs etc and would consider the mum a friend.

However, their ds is the baby of the family. She openly admits to spoiling him to keep him happy/quiet (eg: the other day she opened a pack of cookies for the children and he ate them all because she just kept giving). No judgement, just a picture of what goes on.

His speech is also very, very bad. I think this could be relevant.

He is really nasty to my 2 year old. Doesn't let him play with his own toys, gives out to him constantly. In the space of 15 minutes I had to speak to him three times about shouting in ds2's face. One time is was because he was on the trampoline and ds2 was jumping on it?!

The reason I think his speech is relevant is because he speaks very like ds2 and I don't know if this makes him think they're the same?

I am always explaining to him that ds2 is younger/doesn't understand as much/just wants to join in but he's relentless and he's also getting worse, as in, more aggressive.

To top it off, if I bring ds2 into next door's he's not allowed to play with any of this child's toys unless he expressly chooses what ds can play with or unless mum says she told ds he could play, apologises to him and gives him a treat!

Anyway I sent him home today. I said that I couldn't keep having ds being upset or shouted at when he's trying to play in his own garden and I said he'd have to go home.

His dad was in the garden and so would have heard so before one of them comes knocking (and they will) WIBU?

Sorry for essay.

KittieCat Thu 20-Jun-13 15:41:22

YANBU. Your home, your children, your choice.

LineRunner Thu 20-Jun-13 15:41:43

No, you did fine.

LineRunner Thu 20-Jun-13 15:43:34

And if and when they come knocking, you repeat, 'I can't have my 2 year old being upset and shouted at when he's trying to play in his own garden.'

You don't need to say any more than that.

WorraLiberty Thu 20-Jun-13 15:43:36

No of course YANBU

The child is 6yrs old and you've every right to tell him his behaviour is not acceptable...and that the consequence is he'll have to go back to his own house.

HandsomeEddy Thu 20-Jun-13 15:43:36

No yanbu at all. You gave him several chances, explained to him why he had to go home.
And why would they come knocking? You aren't a bloody babysitter! You do not have to put up with whatever their son does to your toddler.
Tell them where to go if they do show up.

DeepRedBetty Thu 20-Jun-13 15:44:08

yanbu

Ok, glad to see I wasn't U! I was just worried I was being a bit plb, though I didn't feel that I was.

They'll come knocking because they do a lot of complaining to people about their children! I haven't been on the receiving end yet but have heard all about the countless times worn other neighbours/teachers/aunts etc.

LineRunner Thu 20-Jun-13 15:47:11

You could add, if you feel that they would actually listen, 'I will be pleased to have Little Jonny back when he can talk nicely to my 2 year old. But if he doesn't he will have to be sent home again. Please explain this to him.'

It'll be humiliating for them, so be prepared for defensive behaviour. But you are doing the right thing.

*with other

trikken Thu 20-Jun-13 15:47:37

Yanbu. Sounds like he needs to have a break from coming round for a bit.

Woodifer Thu 20-Jun-13 15:53:27

A bit different ages but went round for a play/coffee at my friends house with DD who is 18 months. Her boys are 5 and 3. I think the 3 year old was definitely revelling in the position of power of not being the youngest, and getting a bit shouty/telling DD she was playing with stuff wrong etc. Now three is a bit younger than 5 and a bit harder to reason with - and this was at their house not mine - but I definitely felt protective towards DD.

I think you can make light of it with your friend/neighbour in explaining the situation si it doesn't come across as a direct criticism of them. Because it sounds like you have a nice friendship and playing set up that it seems a shame to bin over this?

Yes Woodifer you're right, we have quite a good set up and I have been her confidante for a while now with some personal problems and vice versa and I definitely don't want to lose that plus I do like my children to have friends on the road.

I think this is why I have been hesitant to say anything before now but I just didn't feel I could let it continue.

The only other time we've ever had a wobble as neighbours is when the dad said my ds6 was a little cunt! Not to him, about him. Because he jumped off the top of the slide in his garden.

I warned him never to use that language to or about my son and it was quiet between us for a while afterwards but got back on an even keel shortly thereafter.

Tbf, I do think that's just his 'way'. He can be, erm, blunt!

hippohugger Thu 20-Jun-13 16:11:22

YANBU. But you probably should have explained all this before. It will come as a shock for them, since apparently everything's been fine (far as they know) until now and then suddenly little Jonny is evicted for bad behaviour.

Sooo... I'd do the necessary explaining.

But kicking out a little pain of a child who is constantly annoying your little one... that's fine. If they reinforce the message at home, things might improve.

Floggingmolly Thu 20-Jun-13 16:18:14

Doesn't sound that nice a friendship to me. You send his child home for being awful to your child and you quake in your boots awaiting a "visit"?
And he called your ds a little cunt? shock.

rockybalboa Thu 20-Jun-13 16:21:26

YANBU. Why should you have to put up with someone else's unreasonable kid in your home?

hermioneweasley Thu 20-Jun-13 16:22:40

Agree with Flogging, that is not a summary that would encourage me to keep a friendship going!

ArtexMonkey Thu 20-Jun-13 16:25:38

What floggingmolly said.

That aside, if you/your dc are going to have friends in the hood, you need to be firm about your boundaries, you can't have someone else's child round at yours all the hours of the day, even if they were the nicest child in the world.

ouryve Thu 20-Jun-13 16:29:19

A little cunt? And I suppose his 5 year old is a little darling who can do no wrong?

You were perfectly justified in setting boundaries and enforcing them. You might want to suggest that he'd be perfectly welcome to come round with a parent to supervise and help teach him some social skills. Preferably not his big knob of a dad.

Flicktheswitch Thu 20-Jun-13 16:30:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoTiredAgain Thu 20-Jun-13 16:41:21

I think I remember your other thread about the name calling.

And not YANBU for this incident. I do think you are going to have issues of some sort or another with them over the next few years though.

Well, dad was very vocal just now out in the back garden

Mum's at work. He's just been loudly telling Little Johnny how I've been a bit silly and I'll be fine by tomorrow! shock

I had a feeling he'd heard everything. Obviously he sees no harm in what Johnny did and has no problem blaming me!

Only yesterday mum asked me to watch their dogs while they're away!

I'm starting to feel like a bit of a mug. Do you think I should call in to mum when she's home? I'm not going into him because I'd have to take the children with me and I don't think that's appropriate!

HandsomeEddy Thu 20-Jun-13 17:31:14

Distance yourself from these people asap.

HandsomeEddy Thu 20-Jun-13 17:31:43

Well as much as you can considering they're next door... confused

JenaiMorris Thu 20-Jun-13 17:38:04

Good grief, these people are unhinged!

Stay well away. And maybe move house.

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