to think that most women would rather have a girl/girls than a boy/boys?(444 Posts)
I have read so many posts with pregnant mothers who are upset that they are having a ds and in real life I find that mothers who have all boys or boys first, tend to denigrate them to mums of girls and put their daughters on pedestals. Mums of girls tend to not mind having no boys whereas all boy mums seem to feel sad that they have only boys. I have never come across any women who only wanted boy(s).
Am I right in thinking that most women want to have girls and wouldn't mind having all girls if they have more than one child, whereas boys are almost always seen as second best and not the desired choice of most women?
I always saw myself with boys. Was a little disappointed when scan showed dd1 but love her to bits. She is everything I am not. I was badly bullied at school and had terrible self esteem. The thought of dd going through the same filled me with dread. Dd is a leader and very outgoing.
Expecting ds and am overjoyed. I will have one of each.
I wanted boys and I have 2. Am pregnant with 3rd DC and won't be sad if it's another boy! I feel girls are so much more... something...
I wanted both and got both.
Couldn't give a stuff re what others did or didn't want.
Every mother I know in rl had secret hopes,wishes,dreams before their dc were born and every mother I know is happy with their lot and mothers beautifully.
The pious judgy posters can do one to be frank.Tis one of those only on MN subjects imvho.
I always wanted boys, I got boys.
Girls always looked like too much hard work. When I see the horrendous slanging matches between friends and their teenage daughters over such trivial things as dress colours and hairstyles I thank my lucky stars I have boys.
I had no gender preferences at all, even though I knew this would be my only child. Having said that, though I was perfectly content to find out at 20 weeks that we were having a boy, I knew that our extended family in general would be disappointed, and worse, would assume I was disappointed too!
Two of my sisters in law (each with two boys and a youngest girl, whereas their brothers each have two boys apiece) kept going on about how 'the genes in our family' meant that everyone's first two children were male, so you had to have three children to 'get a girl'. I was almost forty when I had my son, so they used to sympathise about how I wouldn't be able to to have the three children necessary to 'get my girl'. Until I snapped and put them straight on how a fertilised egg becomes male or female and that not everyone shared their weird idea that girls were a different and superior species.
I was so happy when I found out I was having a boy, but I think that was partly due to growing up with all girls and having a sense of 'been there done that' and not wanting to go through it again, particularly the teenage years.... it's early days yet but I love being around a little boy and watching him grow up. I'm sure i'd get the same joy from a girl but I never feel like i'm missing anything either.
Not true here. Desperately wanted a boy. Got a girl and struggle to really relate to her well. Pregnant now and still desperately want a boy. I always tend to get on better with boys than girls. (Nephews, friends kids, kids at work).
I have 3 boys, when we go for number 4, I'm hoping it will be another boy. I don't think I'd gel well with a girl.
Maltesecat, most women worry they won't know what to do with a boy. Then they are born and we realise they are lovable, cuddly, hilarious and bloody brilliant. And that they are just small people, not defined by gender and very similar to girls in lots of ways.
Btw, you might not understand your girl, I hope you do but remember she's not a reincarnation of you, she's a person in her own right who may loathe ballet, pink sparkles and Sylvanians. You might end up kicking a ball round the park and building things out of Lego after all
I was secretly delighted and relieved when I found out my child was a little girl. Can't tell you WHY, but all the trappings of girlhood- Sylvanian families, ballet lessons, netball and whatnot- just appeal to me. I have a lot of female friends and understand girls. I like little boys a lot but would struggle to know how to raise one. I'd hate to inadvertently raise a mummy's boy, but wouldn't just toss him raw meat in his cage, either... the idea fills me with horror, to be honest.
On the other hand, my best friend has a terrible relationship with her mother, adores her brother and has always had more male friends than female. She was absolutely over the moon with her little son, because she feels, rightly or wrongly, that she wouldn't be a good mother to a girl. Now, I think she's barking, because she's a BRILLIANT friend and is too lovely and self-aware to repeat the horrors her mother inflicted on her, but that's how she feels.
I always wanted a boy first as I had always wanted an older brother as a child. I had a girl, then another girl. I wouldn't be without them and can't imagine having a boy if I were to have another now but that is just because I am used to girls. Having close friends with infertility problems and family members too, I am just glad to have my children regardless of gender.
I also hate the generalisations such as;
girls are worse as teens
boys love their mums more
girls like wearing pretty stuff all the time
boys like to go to the football with dad
girls go shopping with mum when they are older
girls are easier to look after as a baby.
It is all a load of rubbish. Yes some kids will fit into that patter but as pp said - it is down to the individual child - not their gender.
I have two dds. They are brilliant and I love them of course.
I wanted dd2 to be a boy ideally and if we go for a third I would much prefer a boy if I am honest.
ie I would like a go at parenting both genders.
I always thought I'd have a girl, always dreamed of having a girl, expected I was having a girl. Then we had the scan... I was really confused, no boys in my family, no idea what you'd DO with one (apart from the obvious)...
Then after a day or so of thinking, what on earth, I got my head round it and was back to being very excited. When ds was born I fell in love straight away and am SO glad I didn't have my mythical girl. He's gorgeous, funny, cheeky, sweet, clever and generally just lovely to have around.
The only thing I miss is clothes. There's far less choice for boys - always one rail of boys to several rails of girls, and you don't get to dress them up in pink frilly lovely stuff (at least, not now he's 10 - he was rather taken with a friend's tutu when he was little... )
Oh forgot to add re losing your grown up sons. My 2 DBs are pretty close to DPs as are my sister & I. DH is much less so & he is an only child, his DPs take very little interest in our family and he can go weeks without speaking to either of them.
It's all about personality & family dynamics not gender!
Haven't read the whole thread but noticed many posters saying teenage girls are much harder than boys. IME it is down to the individual child not their gender how they are as teens. I am 1 of 4 (2 boys/2 girls) and my DPs have always said the boys were harder teens (underage drinking/smoking, playing truant, petty crime, DB2 had 2 kids by the age of 19) while my Dsis & I were fairly well behaved.
My own aren't are that stage yet but I have 3 nieces & 2 nephews ranging from 21-15 and they are all different (even within the same family). One niece (18) has always been a tearaway since PS and is more or less estranged from her dad (my DB). My Dsis' DD (19) sailed through her teenage years with barely a slammed door while her younger brother is a very angsty teen who rows with his parents daily.
So we really can't generalise that all boys are this while all girls are that. I have 1 DD & 2 DS, they are all different but amazing in their own way & I wouldn't change any of them for all the money in the world
I have wanted boys since being a teen and have 3 wonderful little boys. I didn't care what gender they were and am perfectly happy with 3 boys. They were the desired choice for me, mainly after realizing how bad I was as a child and the rest of my friends were.
I am most definitely not sad that I have only boys. They are my children and it doesn't mater what gender they are.
My nieces fight a lot more than my sons anyway. It's luck of personality, like exoticfruits said.
I know identical twin girls who fight all the time!
Just as likely to fight like cat and dog PorridgeBrain. How they get on is the luck of personality.
Surely there must be more people like me who wanted children, realised it was a 50/50 chance and were quite relaxed and open minded about what they got and didn't want to know in advance?
(And didn't go around thinking they knew that most women really want at least one girl- based on the evidence that they did).
We actually wanted a boy but when we had a girl we then wanted another girl (which we had) as thought they would be more likely to play together
I only wanted boys, a house full of boys! I was delighted when I found out DC1 was a boy. But now I've got DD (she's three weeks old) and I can't imagine why I ever thought I didn't want a girl. I don't think I'm done having DC, and whatever I get will be lovely.
Agree with Tumble. I think women often slightly prefer the idea of a girl but once they've had a boy they change. First time was hoping for a girl, had a boy, and then was a bit sad when I first found out was having a girl. Know lots with similar experiences.
Mothers do often talk about how noisy / messy / accident prone etc their boys are but that's because they are! And we love them like that! Wouldn't have it any other way.
Not this woman.
I always 'wanted' (slight preference) boys and got them.
If we had had a girl that would have been just fine as well, but I love my boys, they are just such boys - nothing finer then that slightly sweaty smell of BOY they get at the base of their neck.
Like expat I agree that people need to realised how fucking lucky they are.
What a very peculiar thing to think! We found out at 20 weeks that my first was a boy & I must admit it took a little while for me to get my head around idea of having a boy, as had a sister myself & no idea what little boys were about! Didn't find out what second baby would be & I was secretly thrilled he was another boy, love having the two & have never hankered for a girl.
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