to judge these dads

[PicaK]

On holiday this week and beginning to think that some dads just aren't used to their own children.

In the playground, kids playing, squealing totally normal happy kids sounds. Look up to see dad with his hand over his 9 yo DD's mouth. Went to go over thinking she'd banged her lip and he was staunching the flow of blood...then realise he's shouting 'stop making noise' he let go a bit and she screamed (wouldn't you?!)

Thenhe put his hand back over her mouth and nose and dragged her backwards 4m to the steps shouting "she needs to be punished" to his wife. Still upset that we didn't intervene but open mouthed with shock. Abusive twat.

Next day, kids mini sports lesson. Little girl (3 or 4) looking nervous wanting to hold her dad's hand. He got really angry, starts shouting that she has to join in, she gets more upset but he keeps roughly putting her in the group and backing off and she runs after him. Continues like this for the lesson

Just wondered what happened to patience and giving your kids reassurance!.

[loveliesbleeding1]

This makes my blood boil! But if you had intervened you would have got a mouthful too no doubt, what a pair of idiots.

[Trapper]

I definitely would judge these individuals. The fact that they are 'dads' is irrelevant. I would judge any adult in a position of responsibility engaging with a child in this manner the same way.
For singling out 'dads'.

[cfc]

Trapper I think she singled out Dads because within these circs they were dads, not mums. I am sure OP judges the mum in the first one for sitting back and letting her husband roughly handle their daughter.

My husband certainly isn't used to taking the kids out en masse. One at a time is ok. The other day he wanted to take the two eldest to a 3d film. I said don't take the girl 2.5 just the boy 4. He said that they'd both be fine and he took them. I knew I'd be seeing them shortly as the girl wouldn't sit still, as I told him. Half hour later and 30 quid poorer, they came home. The boy upset and the husband grumpy.

Anyway, I think you are right OP. Some dads are not used to having their children out and about.

[Hemlet]

Oh Trapper for goodness sake talk about trying to pick fault.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

But oP isn't saying "AIBU to judge all dads" she's asking AIBU to judge these dads?

No OP, YANBU.

[DeskPlanner]

Trapper, she wasn't singling out dads. She was describing them as dads, because they are.

[DeskPlanner]

Oh, and YANBU op.

[xabiuol]

Trapper's got a point though. Mother's can be equally hideous. Once when I was waiting for a table outside Wagamama I witnessed a mother with her very young child standing in the cold and rain saying to the child over and over again "apologise to mummy" child wouldn't say sorry but was really crying and mother kept saying "we're not moving until you apologise to mummy".

Controlling bitch. She was stood there for all of 10 minutes with her child in the rain with him crying. Worst is I didn't go up to her and say anything and neither did anyone else. Afterwards I really wished I had. It has always stuck in my mind that I should have.

[Trapper]

Cfc, if they had been singled out as black, Jewish or disabled, would this have been acceptable too? No, because it is irrelevant - in the same way that them being male is irrelevant. This would have been just as unacceptable if it were a mother/woman.

[SybilRamkin]

YANBU - this makes me really cross too!

[CrapsWithBears]

You're deliberately twisting what she's saying Trapper. She's not singling them out because they're men, she's pointing out two situations she witnessed were men were acting inappropriately.

[Boomba]

its relevant trapper in that she is talking about them in their capacity as dads

Its not that being male is relevant; it is relevant that they are parents. And the English noun for male parents is 'dads'

[CrapsWithBears]

Actually, rereading what the OP said I agree with Trapper now.

Disregard my previous post.

[digerd]

My eyes are filling up with tears for those little ones .

[FreudiansSlipper]

how horrible :(

some people are just horrible and sadly they get to be a parent lets hope this was a one off

and ffs those defending the men, she is not saying all men and how many threads are on here abut seeing a mother being horrible. do you jump on this too and say well some dads can be horrible. doubt it

[Dancergirl]

xabiol you only caught a snapshot though. You don't know what the child did wrong.

We've all read posts on here asking if a particular punishment was too harsh. More often than not, the resounding answer is no. Sometimes if your child does wrong you DO have to be harsh.

[Dahlen]

I think the fact that they are dads is very pertinent, and the OP's first line alludes to that.

More fathers than ever are actively involved in their DC's lives now and that's great. But it remains very much a truism that most children spend most of their time with their mothers.

The question then becomes whether the behaviour of these particular fathers is because they are abusive personalities, or if it's because they do not have the socialised parenting skills that women acquire much more easily.

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

Sometimes when one parent be it mum or dad is not around the kids as much they do sometimes seem to lack patience/understanding, no excuse thoug.

[Hemlet]

Ffs I cannot stand that shitty argument 'Oh so if you describe them as being dads/mums/children you must be Ok to describe people as racial name/spasticated/some other derogatory term.'

They were described as dads because they were dads with their kids and in the capacity of being dads.

If she'd described them as men or dads or humans you'd have found some way to have a go because some people have nothing better to do.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

Im baffled as to which word would have been acceptable to describe these people?

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

It does tend to be dads that are not around their children as much, isn't that a fact or am I being dadist

[SplitHeadGirl]

Any money the people slating the OP for saying dads would say NOTHING if the post was about mums. I can't understand why some women insist on holding men up as some kind of protected species. The OP said dads because that is who they are....DADS!!

[PicaK]

Ok you've made me think. I did use the term "these dads" cos that's what they were. But on reflection "parents" would have been a better word i agree.

I'm definitely not talking about all dads - just these two. The second one not so bad - i badly wanted to say 'look see my kid there sat with the others joining in. Or "behaving" as you see it. Well he's only there cos yesterday we did a bows & arrows class and he sat on DH's lap the whole time whilst DH gamely shot arrows at the target. shouting at someone to enjoy themselves is not the way to go.

[SonOfAradia]

As a dad my self, I have no problem with the OP - I took it to mean those dads in particular, not dads in general.

This bit though:

socialised parenting skills that women acquire much more easily.

Really? How much more easily and why?

[Trapper]

Hemlet - you are right, it is a silly argument. It is a common one on mumsnet and I was lazy for for using it. Conversation usually goes like this:
X: AIBU to hate sitting on this chair
Y: You are being unfair to chairs.
X: No I'm not
Y: You are - would it be acceptable to say you were sitting on a black person? or a disabled person?
X: My goodness, you're right!