to judge these dads

(31 Posts)
PicaK Thu 20-Jun-13 08:30:18

On holiday this week and beginning to think that some dads just aren't used to their own children.

In the playground, kids playing, squealing totally normal happy kids sounds. Look up to see dad with his hand over his 9 yo DD's mouth. Went to go over thinking she'd banged her lip and he was staunching the flow of blood...then realise he's shouting 'stop making noise' he let go a bit and she screamed (wouldn't you?!)

Thenhe put his hand back over her mouth and nose and dragged her backwards 4m to the steps shouting "she needs to be punished" to his wife. Still upset that we didn't intervene but open mouthed with shock. Abusive twat.

Next day, kids mini sports lesson. Little girl (3 or 4) looking nervous wanting to hold her dad's hand. He got really angry, starts shouting that she has to join in, she gets more upset but he keeps roughly putting her in the group and backing off and she runs after him. Continues like this for the lesson

Just wondered what happened to patience and giving your kids reassurance!.

Trapper Thu 20-Jun-13 20:18:01

Hemlet - you are right, it is a silly argument. It is a common one on mumsnet and I was lazy for for using it. Conversation usually goes like this:
X: AIBU to hate sitting on this chair
Y: You are being unfair to chairs.
X: No I'm not
Y: You are - would it be acceptable to say you were sitting on a black person? or a disabled person?
X: My goodness, you're right!

xabiuol Fri 21-Jun-13 00:18:52

xabiol you only caught a snapshot though. You don't know what the child did wrong

I agree, written down it doesn't sound that bad. It was pretty nasty though. Whatever child had done the punishment was OTT. I'm not one to pay much attention to how people discipline their children but bullying is bullying regardless of what a child has done wrong. Freezing cold rain until 3 year old apologizes = not appropriate punishment IMO.

Some dads aren't used to their chilren.

Fine. Nor are some mums.

The only legitimate point the OP can make is hardly worth discussing.

ApocalypseThen Fri 21-Jun-13 06:59:11

I think the reason mums acquire parenting skills more quickly is that society expects more of women's parenting. Pers

lljkk Fri 21-Jun-13 07:35:05

socialised parenting skills that women acquire much more easily.

Really? How much more easily and why?

What percentage of men in this country grow up with No Father figure in their lives? A lot higher than those who grow up with no mother figure. DH had two father figures, neither of them any good at it (one violent the other clueless & inflexible). He's had no good role model of how to be a dad.

Dahlen Fri 21-Jun-13 10:42:26

lijkk - precisely. I don't mean for one minute that there is something innate to women that makes them better parents. That why I used the word socialised. We live in a society where even as young children girls are encouraged to express their maternal instincts while boys are encouraged to build things, for example. A society where it remains the norm that mothers are primary carers. Few women reach the age where they have children of their own without having acquired some knowledge about babies and children, because if thy have female relatives and friends who have had children they will be used to being around children. The same is not so true for men, who still tend to socialise with other men without children being around.

Until fathers take a more active role in parenting - starting with decent paternity leave - I don't see it changing much.

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