To expect the school to be more accommodating

(21 Posts)
notnow2 Tue 18-Jun-13 19:36:41

Ds2 is in a morning nursery class and will be moving to reception in the same school. There are 25 children in the class and there will be 2 reception classes (60 children). Some of the children will not be going to the reception at that school.

Ds2 has 6 good friends in that class that are attending the reception some that he has known since babyhood. He is not in a reception class with any of them. I asked the school administrator of he could be swapped to the other class - flat refusal.

He is a very sensitive boy and still sometimes cries when I drop him at nursery.

I feel strongly that they should at least try to swap him. It's not like I want him to be with one person but just to be at least with some of his "best" friends. They say I should have requested it earlier but there was no form to request but in and also what are the chance if it being split that way. Arghh

Sparklymommy Tue 18-Jun-13 19:48:46

Perhaps speak to the teachers and explain the situation. The administrator could just not understand the problem.

notnow2 Tue 18-Jun-13 19:52:16

Ms jobsworth administrator says it is up to her alone. Have emailed nursery teacher and dep head about it. Feel so strongly about this.

abitlikemollflanders Tue 18-Jun-13 19:55:08

Who would he swap with? the other children and parents will know their class and would have to be told that they are swapping them over to accommodate you. That won't happen. So unless someone leaves there is no room in the other class for your son. The school are right, if you had such strong feelings, you should have requested before the children were told which class they'd be in..... Don't worry too much though-I know it's hard. they will change friends so much over the next month/year-they are all so little still. 3 and 4' honestly, he will be fine.

MaybeBentley Tue 18-Jun-13 19:56:03

I'd ask to have a quick chat with the head teacher or Reception teacher. If the nursery is part of the same school as the reception class there must have been some discussion about class groupings and there may be a bigger picture than you are aware of (not saying they will be able to tell you that). But they may be able to help.

From the administrator's point of view I wonder how many parents they have to deal with asking to swap classes? If the places have been allocated and the PAN is 30 per class how do they give you the class you want without moving (and upsetting?) someone else? If they agree to your request how do they deny the next request? Maybe the school has had its fill of parents requesting class swaps, specific teachers next year, etc.

He will be fine.

(They already have you pegged as a nightmare parent).

abitlikemollflanders Tue 18-Jun-13 19:57:15

35 children in reception may not have known each other at all before! the reception teachers have seen it all before and will have loads of getting to know you activities planned. By the end of the first term they hardly remember who was at nursery with them. tying to reassure you!

AuntieStella Tue 18-Jun-13 19:59:14

That's a bit pants. OK, they don't want joiners to find themselves in classes populated entirely with pre-formed friendship groups, but ai'm have expected the nursery class staff would have had a say in deciding a harmonious arrangement of children into their new classes.

But children do change rapidly in reception, and if all reception classes go out to playtime together it will be far easier in practice than it seems now.

cakebar Tue 18-Jun-13 19:59:32

This happened to my DD, and actually it has all worked out better than I think it would have if she had been in the other class. I suspect the nursery thought that she would get on better with new friends. It is a shock now but I would just leave it.

notnow2 Tue 18-Jun-13 20:00:07

I don't care if they have me pegged me as nightmare. I have older dc at school at never have once kicked up a fuss.

notnow2 Tue 18-Jun-13 20:02:47

There was no discussion with anyone. The administrator said she allocated the classes herself "blindly". This is the first year they have had a nursery. The letters have gone out but they don't say who's class is who - I just know as there are 2 settling in dates which from experience is the 2 separate classes

tootdelafruit Tue 18-Jun-13 20:05:22

perhaps they have done it to try and make him less dependant on those friendships?

i'm just guessing here btw- I have no idea if he is or isn't. his teacher will be the one to talk to but perhaps they feel he is maybe too clingy with those others and want to bring him out of himself a bit by not having them to fall back on/hide behind.

he will make new friendships very quickly btw so I wouldn't be worried. the first few days might be a bit hard (for you more than him probably) but after that he'll settle and the teachers are well practised at dealing with exactly that situation.

LilacPeony Tue 18-Jun-13 20:10:59

Are you saying that you want them to contact another parent to say that their child will not be in the class they have been told they are in because they are to be swapped with your child? What if the other parent isn't happy with that? I agree you needed to make any requests before they chose the classes.

MaybeBentley Tue 18-Jun-13 20:11:26

Are you sure the two settling dates mean different classes? I'm a little confused. Maybe I am mis-reading your posts. But are you saying you haven't been told who is in which class, but you have different "visit your new class" dates to DS's close friends. Have you identified this by talking to their parents? Or did you get this information from the administrator? If so, I think it is really wrong that some parents (i.e. you, but not blaming you here, it's the school) have been given information that others haven't.

abitlikemollflanders Tue 18-Jun-13 20:13:12

Are you sure that you are not more worried about your friendships with the other mums? Often, when perceived friendship groups are 'split up' the children are fine-see each other at playtimes etc but the mums end up feeling left out. Could that be at the root of your fears?
if there are 25 from the nursery going up then he will know some of the children in his class already so he'll be better off than some of the other 35.
I cannot imagine it will be changed now unless someone leaves to make room in the other class because they won't go to 31 in the other class and it is too late to just 'swap' the children over if letters have gone out.

jamdonut Tue 18-Jun-13 20:50:15

It takes a lot of thought to make up classes. They are lots of balances to weigh up, behaviour,SEN,ratio of girls to boys etc,etc. Children very often have to be "split up" from their friends. In the end it usually works out for the best.
It is not easy to just put someone with a class because of friendship groups. That is why those sort of requests are usually turned down, because if you do it for one, you have to do it for all and chaos ensues.

Floggingmolly Tue 18-Jun-13 21:03:28

She's not a nightmare parent, it's an understandable concern.
Hope it works out, op, the different settling in dates mightn't be what you think; they usually bring the youngest in first.

Fakebook Tue 18-Jun-13 21:08:25

Only one of Dd's nursery friends went to her school this year and she was put into another class. It didnt affect dd at all. Your boy will be fine. There will be plenty of children who don't know any other children too, so I don't see why your child should get preferential treatment.

5madthings Tue 18-Jun-13 21:12:07

At our school we had to give a list of three friends and they guaranteed they would be in the same class is one of those friends in reception, ds4 actually ended up with all three friends in his class.

There had also been an issue that a small group of boys (including my ds4) were not a great combination... The school made sure they split them up. They liased with the preschool I think to help them decide and then children coming from other nurseries etc also got to put down any friends and they all had several 'taster' days in thetetm before they started so they could get to know each other.

MrsLouisTheroux Tue 18-Jun-13 21:13:17

Your DC will make new friends on top of older ones. It's a good thing IMHO.

SunMoonStarship Tue 18-Jun-13 22:24:47

I understand exactly how you feel. I feel the same about my DS starting but he has been allocated into a class with his nursery friends (and those from babyhood).

OP you aren't a nightmare parent (unfair). And it's got nothing to do with your friendships (why would it?!?).

I have no suggestions- sorry.

But wanted to support how you're feeling. Totally understandable and reasonable.

I hope it all works out

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