ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
to ask why you stopped talking to a friend.(233 Posts)
I stopped talking to a friend because my DS really did n't like playing with her DS, meetings with the kids were stressful. No major drama with the grown ups, just gradually decreased our contact. Friends for a season.
Why have your friendships fallen apart?
Because she wouldn't drive the extra 2 minutes down the road from the house she was visiting to see my new born baby. She was too busy.
She never did come to visit my baby. Her loss.
Because she cut me dead when another "friend" told her I wasn't chuffed about her new bf.
Oh and she tried to shag every dh in our circle. That would do it.
She lied to me about what my boss was asking her about - she was the department's secretary.
As a result, I told my boss I'd been sexually abused as a child.....this cost me my full-time job, and I've not had one since.
She then told me that I was upset and seeing a counsellor because I didn't want children. I wasn't bothered about having children at the time, and she wouldn't accept my feelings were correct. She knew best.....
Because she lied all the time and was very needy.
Because after years of doing everything for her I realised she was using me and my husband when she greeted me with 'Mr.Theyda not here? I guess we don't have the car then, I needed to go shopping' That was when I looked back and realised every meeting had been driving her somewhere she needed to be.
But still... Becausee she can see no wrong in her children, but will point out any misdemenour of mine and other people's. She tried to come between me and closer friend. I don't trust her.
My BF of 30 years (proper best mate, grew up together v close etc) asked me to go over and chat to her and her DH about C sections as I had one. This was on the Saturday and she was going in on the Monday to have her first baby.
I drove a 60 mile trip, had a lovely afternoon chatting and getting excited about her baby. Bid farewell they said they would let me know the good news of the arrival as soon as.
Monday came and went. Tuesday came and went. By Wednesday I strated to get a little concerned something had happened as I had not heard anything. I had a Layette on order from M&S/John Lewis and just had to call to say if I wanted it on blue or pink. I tried calling her and her home and even got my mum to dog out her mums phone number but could not get hold of anyone. No one returned my messages.
I did think - rationally initially - oh ok new baby, I am not family thats cool, bet they dont know what day of the week it is, sleep deprived etc etc but by the Friday I was frankly worried sick. I could not understand why they had not been in touch - even by text.
The following week I was in her town so dropped by the house - no one in.
3 weeks later she called me to day Hi and moan about sleepless nights whilst she was sat in her local pub with a local friend, on only her second night out since "Baby" had been born. It was the oddest convo ever. She chatted like all was normal and right. I had to ask what sex the baby was and she seemed confused I didnt know. She told me a girl and the name then said she had to go.
It was bizarre. We did get on again and I asked her outright a few months later why none of my calls/texts were returned etc - from her home or mobile and she says she never got them. I must have been texting someone else . Never did get a straight answer.
Reading inbetween the lines I think it may have been her DH. I have never properly clicked with him. I have always found him slightly arrogant. If you have something he has a better bigger one, if you have been somewhwere then he has been there twice - that kind. I moved hundreds of miles away the same summer my BF met him and although when I moved back 30 odd miles away 3 years later (when they wed) I dont think he ever has realised how close we were or didnt like me very much either.
So I decided to forgive and forget and move on.
2 years later, she was pregnant again. I was in regular touch with her and all excited and pleased for her. Again chatteed on the phone 2 days before she was going on to have baby and I joked that I didnt want to be worried this time and text when they had time would be appreciated. The exact same thing happend. Complete silence. I had again to phone and ask for 2 weeks or so if all was OK etc. Again no response to txts or messages. I wasnt expecting a card or personal phonecall. Just a text at some point in the days after baby was born. But nothing. I waited 4 days before calling and leaving a polite messagas didnt want to piss them off. Iknow that day 4 or 5 is usually coming home day for CS mums and the last thing you want to do in natter when you first get home so didnt even expect a call - a txt perhaps the next few days was all I wanted.
I found out she had another girl 3 weeks later through my mum who had bumped into her mum in town.
I was really hurt. I cannot see how you can so close to someone for 30 years and although distance kept us apart we chatted at least 2 x per week on phone and text most days to not get anything at such an important time of their life.
After the second time I just distanced myself. If her DH had issues with me then I wasnt going to cause shit in her marriage for her. If it was her - then she didnt come clean as to why after the first time not the intervening years between her 1st and 2nd baby.
Its very sad because its now been 7 or 8 years and I do miss her.
Because her husband said I'd asked him to sleep with me (totally outlandish story to go along with it) and she confronted me and said that if I denied it and she believed me, that meant their marriage was over. I denied it naturally and my dh called him and asked if he could just admit he might have made a mistake (misheard), but he then tried to convince my dh that it was true!
It was really fucked up and led to my loss of a friendship group - her 2 sisters (who I sensed both believed me) said they had to go with family loyalties, even though their BIL was seriously deluded and arrogant. I heard later on from someone else that she was paranoid because she suspected that he was unfaithful to her and I was a 'smokescreen' excuse on his part. I now know someone who shares work premises with him and he has tried to sleep with her.
I still wish I could write to her or him and tell them what I think of how they treated me. WIBU?! It was so outlandish but had horrible repercussions. Thankfully my dh also found the whole thing ludicrous. If he hadn't I hate to think of the further damage that might have been done just from one person's ruthlessness and lies.
After suffering a miscarriage, she turned round and told me 'it wasn't a miscarriage, you had a late period'. Told a lot of other people this as well. Bitched about my subsequent successful pregnancy to everyone (often while I was in earahot), accused me of skiving off when I'd spent a week in high dependency with a urine infection which developed in to septicemia and nearly resulted in delivering my baby at 5.5 months. Judged me constantly on my relationship with dh, but married her fella knowing he was desperate for kids and she wouldn't even consider having them. Got a promotion and was suddenly too good to bother with me. Though when we were both job hunting last year, she didn't get the same opportunities sent to her as I did, due to her lack of qualifications - I did, rather nastily, enjoy that, because of her previous smugness.
She wants to meet up again - I don't have space in my life for someone so toxic.
Because I did everything I could when her Mum died, and felt that 2 yrs later when my parents split up and my DM was hospitalised with depression it was all still about her.
But we were young, and I now think 2 yrs is no time really in terms of grief, and I was more wrong than her. It's one of the things I still feel bad about. I did write and say sorry some time later, and she wrote a nice letter back, but we never came back from it.
She flirted with my boyfriends, tried to get our mutual friends to stop speaking to me so I'd only have her for company and she lied and bitched about everybody. She also sent me begging letters saying how much she needed me.
When someone eventually pulled her up on a lie she denied everything and looked round at us all for backup and we all just looked back at her. She ran off and none of us spoke to her again.
The second friend stopped speaking to Me when she made a really snarky comment and I went ballistic and named everything that bothered me about her for the past ten years.
She was another taker who lived in a chronic pigsty but had no problems with her friends cleaning her house (would have taken my entire weekend with a team of people) because she wS adopting a baby and her other friend implored my help.
I refused because I had been through this before with this friend, and the house was a pigsty just a few weeks later. Sorry, I don't have that kind of time. The friend wasn't even going to help, they were going to send her shopping or something. I'm a friend not a maid!
After I went ballistic (my fault) she refused to ever speak to me again so 10 years down the tube too. I am the godmother of her child but honestly I'm not sure I'd take her back after all this time. If you can't speak to someone to apologize there is no hope in that either but makes you wonder why you'd want them back too.
I stopped talking to a friend when she made passes at my boyfriend with me present to annoy me. Also, she'd get in those little stinging barbs and I'd think I don't treat My friends like that. Also someone that was more than happy to receive but never liked to give.
The end was when she referred me to a job because it was 'beneath' her and I took it, but then she was let go from her job and told me my job should have been hers. I didn't speak to her after hat in spite of her apologies of having offended me 'for some reason'. If someone can't even tell you what they are apologizing for they are just hopeless.
My "friend" was always quick to put me down, snarky comments like I'm looking tired, or too skinny. We were at uni together and she and I studied together sometimes and I helped her (she asked me) with some things she didn't get. She then kept quiet about things her tutor told her that would have helped me out!
On a night out with her sister and their mutual friend, her sister was getting an early train so we walked her to the station - which was right around the corner (not that I object to this) and waited with her. But when they wanted to go clubbing and I didn't, I was getting bus home and they just said goodbye and headed off to the club. I then had to walk 10 mins to bus stop alone and wait for bus while they got taxi to club.
She had a party when I had just found out I was pregnant, but not telling anyone yet (very early days). A girl I had just met at the party- her new friend and I got talking, (and never thought I would see her again) asked why I wasn't drinking and I just stupidly told her. I thought I suppose she would just say oh how nice, and then forget it since we hardly knew each other. This girl promptly told my 'friend' my news (knowing it wasn't out yet) but the friend reacted in such a way it was as if I had done it to hurt her. To the extent that she was slagging me off to my DH! I apologised at the time but it wasn't good enough. She would not let it go. She turned it into a horrible nasty thing. Then after months of not even discussing her overreaction she asks how I am... No apology, no nothing. I decided that was it. She's still welcome to say sorry for treating me so harshly over an error of judgement but frankly I am glad I know where I stand with her and happy to leave the friendship behind.
Because I'm a bit of an idiot.
We met up, took a little bit of doing as she's married and moved, had a good time, then I said something she seemed to get angry about, we had a slightly fraught exchange, I backed down but felt a bit hurt. Was then worried about contacting her so put it off and put it off. It then seemed such a long time since we'd spoken that I assumed she'd been really upset about the remark. Eventually wrote her a letter saying I was worried she didn't want to see me any more. She rang and basically said don't be an idiot, it's not all about you - she's been phenomenally busy, I won't say how as it would out me but real stuff. i felt very relieved but am still a bit sensitive about ringing her as I bet her husband thinks I'm an idiot... and he's right... wish we still lived in the same house so i could sit on the stairs talking to her all morning again. I miss her. [resolves to ring for the 1,000th time]
Because she left several abusive, threatening voicemail messages on my teenage son's phone accusing him (wrongly) of bullying her son.
That was bad enough, but in between leaving these nasty voicemails, she was having a very normal, friendly conversation with me by text. Literally, she'd be texting me, then she'd call my son & abuse him. It was just a relief that his phone was off.
The two-facedness of it was unbelievable, and my son was very shaken by the messages. He let me & DH listen to them & we were shocked. We seriously considered reporting it to the police, and we did inform the school.
My son hadn't been bullying hers at all, but he had chosen to distance himself from the other boy because of the mother's constant interference & unpleasant, devious manipulative behaviour which he was finding difficult to deal with. I won't go into details but it was weird stuff, most of which we didn't know about until later.
I'm normally a very quiet, easy going person & I didn't do anything about it for a week or two but silently stewed. Also, my son didn't want me to do anything.
Then one day I bumped into her & she said "Oh, hello Drama, how are you?" as if nothing had ever happened. I'm sure she thought my son wouldn't have told me what had gone on. In that moment I saw red, confronted her on it and told her exactly what I thought of her.
I haven't spoken to her since.
<<Thank you to whoever revived a zombie thread. It feels good to get that out! It's not something I've talked about IRL. I actually remember this thread from last year & I thought about posting then but didn't, so for once I'm quite glad somebody decided to revive a zombie. Phew.>>
Because it was always 'me, me, me' and I finally figured out that I put a lot of energy into the relationship, but didn't get much in return.
The final straw was shortly before I was due to have dc1 (maybe the day before my edd), was exhausted, had spd, when she turned up at my house full of drama about her supposedly abusive bf. I sat up all night, talking, listening blah blah. The very next day they both popped round to announce their engagement!
I realised then that she lived for drama and that I didn't have the energy for it anymore.
She was also full of chat about being 'auntie' to my dc when born, she didn't visit me in hospital or for 3 weeks after he was born- my very best friend!
We had been friends since we were 12- I still feel sad about it, but I can't say I miss the relationship.
She was a bit obsessive, liked to try and control me and my other friendships.
I just no longer wished to be an extra in her latest drama.
Pushy 'requests' for free, last minute childcare always do it for me I can now see when someone's trying to cultivate a friendship with me as part of their 'backup plan'.
Because I realised she was completely self absorbed and got tired of her constant judgy comments about people who aren't as skinny and fit as she is.
And the really sneaky, sly remark about how she sold her treadmill to an Eastern European woman who had a two month old baby, "cos they, like, are back in size 8 jeans so quickly after kids", looking me up and down while I sat there, melon-boobs out feeding a newborn, feeling massively fat and frumpy.
She doesn't have any kids and hasn't a clue, really.
Sadly lost two
First one had already picked a bridemasmaid dress for me, it was in the changing room and she tried it on after me and I heard her laughing to her mum that it made her look fat. I am sensitive I know, but I wouldn't mock someone like that
Second one was because of her negativity and narrowmindedness - she doesn't like anyone. Everyone is a bitch, she is racist, very old fashioned, competitive misery type. I tried explaining to her to see the good in people. When I had my baby, I asked could she wait a few days before visiting. She said all women are sore after a baby (fair enough - but I couldn't handle her whining while in pain and gpher sister had a baby and she was vulgar enough satin the baby was mad for the tit. I didn't want her gawping at me) anyway the las straw was her ringing my mother (who I have a difficult relationship with) gossipping about me.
I'm sad about these friendships but I am true to myself.
She made a complaint to my then current employer that I had been talking out of turn and confidence about my job.All this happened at a mutal friends house - someone asked me how my job was and there was conversation about things in general - no names mentioned and no specifics.
We had been friends for years. I am a very forgiving person but this I could not forgive and totally cut her out of my life. I still to this day cannot understand why she did it.
I have read every single one of these! Interesting reading.
1) She set a vulnerable friend up with her dangerously psychotic brother who ended up abusing and raping this friend then she said felt her loyalties were torn between friend and brother. She had multiple affairs and told me she got so angry with her partner she would grab his face and hit him. She isolated me from other people in our office and undermined me. She used vulnerable service users for emotional support for herself and formed inappropriate friendships with them. When I confided in her that I would need to get pregnant using IUI, she joked and said 'hows the turkey baster going' She is an alcoholic. She works for a reputable national charity and is frankly dangerous and unstable and drove me to being emotionally ill with her manipulation and mind games. I am however, still pulled when she contacts me and feel some hope that she might just sort herself out one day.
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