to ask why you stopped talking to a friend.

(233 Posts)
Chromolithograph Tue 18-Jun-13 18:35:40

I stopped talking to a friend because my DS really did n't like playing with her DS, meetings with the kids were stressful. No major drama with the grown ups, just gradually decreased our contact. Friends for a season.

Why have your friendships fallen apart?

Mintyy Tue 18-Jun-13 20:35:29

Because the sum total of her response to my "I've just had dc2" text, sent from hospital, was "Well done".

There was no card, no call, nothing until a couple of months later when she invited me to her engagement party. I emailed and explained why I would not be coming. She replied immediately, apologising, and said she was depressed at the time, and lots of her friends had had babies. 'Fraid that was not good enough for me.

DorothyMantooth Tue 18-Jun-13 20:38:27

Because I didn't meet her standards for friendship, and following the third summit called by her to "discuss our relationship" I decided that I did not need to be told how crap I was and how to improve myself again.

Because at said third lecture she backed up her criticisms with "and it's not just me who thinks that", then refused to tell me exactly which of her friends who barely know me she'd been slagging me off to as "we might all meet up together and it wouldn't be fair on them".

No amount of time or effort given was never enough, and if I ever couldn't do something I was called on "making excuses". This also applied after I had a miscarriage and wasn't much in the mood for socialising.

I'm not one for conflict and each time she decided to tell me all my flaws, I used to consider her remarks and tell her that I'd try to be better. After the last meeting I thought a lot about what she'd said (especially the fact that a bunch of people I barely knew were apparently discussing my behaviour around the time I'd had MC) and decided it just wasn't worth it. If I'd talked to her about it it would have ended up with me apologising again, so I just stopped talking to her.

gettingeasiernow Tue 18-Jun-13 20:39:32

She has messed around with her ex for 18 years in spite of living with current dp. I am patient but just can't hear the excuses any more about why she found that acceptable. Three lives ruined, she has totally manipulated both of them. Just didn't want her around me, my dh, my dc, with her whiny complaining and manipulative "poor little me" attitude. She is mystified about why she's ended this unhappy. Textbook case of what happens if you never have the courage to do the right thing.

margaery Tue 18-Jun-13 20:39:42

kept having digs at me, and then another one about DH's looks.

Last straw was him taking he p*ss out me twice for being fat, at our friends wedding, 3 months after i'd given birth to DC2.

susiedaisy Tue 18-Jun-13 20:40:33

Because she would undermine me constantly, only call on me when all her other friends were busy,had an affair and got nasty with me because I wouldn't be used as a alibi! I phased her out and haven't seen her for 18 months now, don't miss her at all tbh

BabyStone Tue 18-Jun-13 20:44:42

I realised she was talking about mutual friends behind their backs, she manipulated the story to always make out the other person was in the wrong. If the same person has problems with family, friends, even random people in public then it is not their fault but hers..surely?!
She seemed to have major mood swings whilst travelling together and then pushed me out when a friend moved in with us (student shared house) and said "you don't bring anything to the table, X is funny, Y has a car". I moved out, when I went back for my stuff found out she had tried to attempt fraud in my name and my room has been completely trashed.

Still have the odd nightmare about her and just hope I never bump into her

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Tue 18-Jun-13 20:46:12

Because she was a lying fantasist, who turned the smallest drama into a major crisis, stirred the shit, stabbed me in the back and stitched me up with a member of my extended family. Ill put up with a lot, but enough was enough.

Oblongata Tue 18-Jun-13 20:46:16

I let contact slide with a good friend a couple of years ago. It's tricky, as she's a colleague of dh's. I found out she'd slept with several other of their colleagues (not dh!), all the while maintaining good friendships with their partners. We all used to socialise together regularly and I feel a bit sick to think of her working at these textbook female friendships with some very nice people, whilst working her way around their partners.
DH hears from her occasionally but is scared to tell me grin

IceNoSlice Tue 18-Jun-13 20:47:48

Gosh. I'm not sure I've ever dumped a friend. But I tend to be the 'organiser' in our groups so maybe I just stopped organising stuff without really thinking about it?

A bit of food for thought here though.

MrsLouisTheroux Tue 18-Jun-13 20:47:56

Because I discovered that her DD was bullying, undermining and treating my DD like dirt. Often complained about my DD but refused to acknowledge any concern I had regarding her DD's behaviour. Also because she was a professional 'victim' and was an emotional drain.

chickensaladagain Tue 18-Jun-13 20:49:38

Because my ex asked her out a week after we split up

She said no obviously and there never was anything going on between them but it made things really awkward and we just drifted apart after that

HoobleDooble Tue 18-Jun-13 20:49:53

1) Because her infertility clashed with my PND (but, touch wood, we're now repairing things).
2) Because the constant, racist, Daily Mailesque shared crap on Facebook made me see the real person inside.
3) I genuinely do not know, but something to do with being paranoid and sleeping with a married mutual friend, I wasn't the only person they froze out.
4) Texting/phoning me when drunk and feeling sorry or herself at 3 o'clock in the morning, when we had a newborn. Being foul to mutual friends. Being a complete b**ch when I said I didn't feel up to seeing anyone just after I'd had a MC.

Chromolithograph Tue 18-Jun-13 20:51:44

I can't reduce this thread and your stories to a neat, one size fits all conclusion, but it's interesting reading.

monkeynuts123 Tue 18-Jun-13 20:52:19

When my baby was seriously ill she didn't bother to come by and see me despite being in the same town (usually lived miles away). Endlessly sorry for herself about her life while taking no responsibility for it and whinging about it all constantly and asking for advice which never took. Appalling taste in men which made me nervous about visiting so far to be in the company of her latest drug addict/violent tosser of a bloke and when did once she did nothing to protect us and let him abuse me verbally. Never having time to talk when I needed to but had hours to talk about her life and problems, and more problems ad infinitum. Some dubious parenting practices and that's putting it VERY mildly.

The next because she ranted and raved at me because I couldn't spend whole weekend with her while we chose my wedding dress and she wanted to visit all weekend because she wanted a mini-break. She literally screamed down the phone at me and left a bad taste in the mouth about picking dress for sometime. Clearly a narc.

Another one because she refused to pay my expenses when I gave up 2 weeks of my summer to work on her project. Had been agreed in advance but she made less money than she thought she would so saw fit to withdraw her offer...after I had done the work.

Another one because she had an emotional affair with my partner at the time.

I was thinking today I need to think about how I make friends and be more careful so this thread is timely.

Phew. Feel better!

redexpat Tue 18-Jun-13 20:53:00

1. She came to stay for the weekend. Was miserable and grumpy the whole time. And left her dirty knickers on my bedroom floor.

2. Downgraded to good company rather than friend because she never listens, didn't come and see me for 2 weeks after I'd had DS despite being my only friend (live abroad) and I realised that actually she's a bit thick.

meddie Tue 18-Jun-13 20:55:38

Because she hacked my dd,s email account and used the information gained to upset my dd and wheedle her

meddie Tue 18-Jun-13 20:57:04

Because she hacked my dd,s email account and used the information gained to upset my dd and wheedle her way into my ex,s life. then bragged about their special relationship. I wasnt arsed he was a knob and she deserved hi.

RedlipsAndSlippers Tue 18-Jun-13 20:59:05

Because she repeatedly arranged meet ups and either texted last minute (or once got her much younger sister to Facebook me) to give me some lame excuse about why she couldn't come, or just not turn up! I once waited out in the cold with DD who was about 10 months old for an hour before she pranced past with someone else having completely forgotten the arrangement we had made just that morning angry
Because she relentlessly pursued three of my boyfriends whilst I was still with them, then told me what an awful friend I was because I should have asked her before going out with them as she was clearly the better choice for them, she hadn't even met one of them when I first started seeing him!

wineandroses Tue 18-Jun-13 20:59:58

Because he met a lovely woman, but she didn't really like our friendship, didn't like me talking about my DD (she had no DC but wanted some and resented DF's vasectomy), took offence at most things I said. I actually quite liked her but it wasn't reciprocated. DF felt we should only meet if our partners were present and used to ask me to mind what I talked about (eg nothing about DD). Much as I loved him, it became too much like hard work (sad).

Fakebook Tue 18-Jun-13 21:00:08

Because she was flaky and constantly let me down when organising meet ups. The last straw was when she forgot which park we were meeting at and made me walk through town with a 3 year old and suffering from SPD and then when I phoned her to ask where she was she told me she was in another park across the city and then told me to enjoy myself alone with dd! No apology! The funny thing is we were messaging each other as I got off the bus in town and I told her I was in the city centre at which point she could have told me not to walk to the flipping park because she wasn't there! Grrr. That still pisses me off. Gradually decreased contact after that.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Tue 18-Jun-13 21:01:15

Fell out with a friend once because she slept with MY fuck buddy. Ashamed of my irrational jealousy now but I was 17 at the time blush

Fell out with a male friend not too long ago due to him being annoying in general but when he assumed the reason I was blatantly fazing him out was because I must fancy him confused no it's coz you're a stupid, ignorant and apparently vain fool. I was so angry at that assumption I've cut him dead ever since. I think the exact wording of my parting shot was "it's not you, it's me. I have a problem and the problem is you".

Oblongata Tue 18-Jun-13 21:03:20

Yes I've let things go with a flaky last-minute canceller, as well. Not a friend, more of a pal, so no big deal.
She always wanted to reschedule, so we would see each other, it was just that something better had come along for that particular time slot. Nah.

microserf Tue 18-Jun-13 21:08:40

Constantly flaked out of commitments. Stopped bothering.

PrettyFlyForAWifi Tue 18-Jun-13 21:08:48

Mine is so sad.
Because after supporting her through years of an abusive relationship, worrying myself silly over her and her dd, being professionally compromised, having to spend time I didn't want to with her foul husband, she then chose to get pregnant again. Just couldn't condone her bringing another child into that disaster of a household and couldn't bear to watch any more. Was awful but I had nothing left to give her.

DramaAlpaca Tue 18-Jun-13 21:11:19

Because of the aggressive, spiteful, bullying texts and voice mails she sent to my 15 year old son, who had decided for many valid reasons that he no longer wanted to be friends with her son. On one occasion she was, over the course of a couple of hours, interspersing friendly text messages to me with abusive ones to my son.

I don't like confrontation and I didn't deal with it properly for a long time. I just went out of my way to avoid her.

It was only when I bumped into her a few months later and she started chatting as if nothing had happened that I was finally brave enough to challenge her on it and tell her exactly what I thought of her behaviour.

We haven't spoken since. It's no loss.

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