ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
to ask why you stopped talking to a friend.(233 Posts)
I stopped talking to a friend because my DS really did n't like playing with her DS, meetings with the kids were stressful. No major drama with the grown ups, just gradually decreased our contact. Friends for a season.
Why have your friendships fallen apart?
Because she's turned out to be a two-faced cow who ignored me when i was really ill and lied to a mutual friend..
Because she made up vile stories about a mutual friend. Lied to said friend about me. Lied and lied then lied some more about various dramas in her life.
Unbelievably toxic and I can't believe quite how dumb I was.
A huge error of judgement being her friend and helping her out quite as much as I did.
Wow! Lots of stories about lying! It's really a deal breaker isn't it?
Because when I became seriously ill and couldn't entertain her, take her places etc she just disappeared. No support at all after 30 years of being best friends. Now im getting better she wants to pick up where we left off.
I see her very occasionally but I make sure its only with other friends and not for very long.
I don't do big fallings out.
I just stop bothering with people.
I can't remember anyone doing anything singularly outrageous.
But continued lurching from one self induced drama to another is something I cannot deal with anymore.
If someone expressed racist, homophobic or otherwise bigoted views I wouldn't bother picking up the phone again.
All she did was talk about herself, how much money she had, what she was planning to buy next, all she talked about was money and buying things. If I said anything either she would better it or if she couldn't she would change the subject. She wasn't interested in anything I had to say.
I recently invited her to a celebration thing, it reminded me why we don't meet up anymore "oh your DD1s room is a nice colour, I think my DD1 wants her room like this, of course when we did our whole house up this year we didn't do DD1s room, well do it next" argh!!!!
Thing is she would tell you exactly what she and her DH earned (didn't want to know) how much she had left on her conservatory/car loans, wasnt as much as our household income (not that she'd ever know that) but I suppose that's what comes when you brag constantly.
I hate really material people, she had no other stuff she wanted to talk about.
Because I was sidelined when I developed arthritis and couldn't drive hundreds of miles to campsites that she picked but wouldn't go to any nearer ones that I picked which meant that I couldn't go.
Also when a group of us booked to go to centerparcs and I didn't go to a get together at her house because of illness she (and the others) all decided who was sleeping where which put their children with friends of similar ages but my two were shafted. When I complained about this she put the phone down on me and told everyone that I was refusing to pay my share. nb we had about 3 months to decide where everyone was sleeping so it didn't need to be decided that night.
Because they told me that I was over-reacting to miscarrying my much longed for baby (at 13 weeks) and that they couldn't see me again until I had had extensive therapy to help me come to terms with it
1. Because I wouldn't join FB and she found it easier to keep in touch with people that way we had managed the 1st 20 years of friendship without FB
2. Because she was constantly telling me how money was tight, so I gave her a cot, clothes etc and then I found out they were going on their 2nd holiday of the year.
It's the lying that kills. Every time. Most things can be worked through but the lying leaves a lasting sting.
Because she told me she was only having a very small family wedding so couldn't invite me. I later found she had had quite a big wedding and invited a person I didn't particularly get along with
because she ran off with a friends H when friend was 6 weeks off giving birth and obviously her wedding wasn't big enough for the both of us. I just never took a call from her again and changed numbers not long after. We were in different cities though so it wasn't hard to avoid her. We had been best friends for years.
I've drifted apart from a few people.
Sometimes its nudged a bit quicker to a close when I've discovered the friend in question holds views which are fundamentally incompatible with my own.
I'm sorry veryhungrycaterpiller but that really made me laugh. What a cow though!
I stopped emailing an old friend who'd moved abroad, when I realised that a) she only ever got in touch to tell me how preternaturally fabulous her children were, and b) I had a horrible miscarriage, ill for 6 months, and there was just no real sympathy there from her, no checking how I was or anything that a friend might do.
Periodically I get requests for money for charity events from her, which I ignore - after having donated once and got no thanks. Or a round robin about her fabulous children.
Long friendship with a lot of back-story, one of the funniest people, we had great times in our twenties, and I miss her a lot, but there's nothing there that makes a friendship any more.
1. Because I didn't send her PFB a birthday card. I was burying my father at the time, but you know, priorities...
2. Because she expected me to be able to drop everything and travel across London to listen to the latest disastrous installment of her private life, even 2 weeks after an ECS, she told DD quite viciously to shut up when her gurgling interrupted the story she was telling about the latest man in her life and finally, when I didn't call within 5 hours to see how she was after cosmetic surgery (because DD had come down with a severe case of chickenpox and I'd entirely forgotten about her impending nose job), she dumped me by text, telling me what a terrible friend I was - and it was SUCH a relief!
Because she decided to make a situation worse with lies rather than do what a friend should have done and offered support if she believed the original lie.
She also told a mutual friend of ours what she had done, that friend started texted me fishing for information.
I speak to neither now - it took me 3 years to recover totally emotionally from the ordeal
This thread is interesting. I think having children focuses the mind on who we ought to spend time with. We can just about with people being rude to us but then when they do it to our children ... BYE!
I stopped talking to a friend because ALL she talked about was her sister who had downs syndrome. When ever we met she would bring her sister with her. She had downs syndrome and autism, quite severe and had a mental age of around 2-7. It was quite hard going out for meals/ pub/ shopping with her because she was a runner, and could have horrendous 'tantrums' .
It was not just myself who stopped talking to her, but another friend also. We didnt mind her sister joining us most of the time, and we also used to do activites that were purely just for her sisters enjoyment. But it was very draining for her sister to be all my friend talked about, or to not be able to totally relax in a resturant/pub.
the final straw came when i was due to meet my friend after work one afternoon. i work shifts and was meeting her after my shift and before i had to get off to bed before work very early next morning. She first asked if her sister could come, then she was late. then she called when she knew i would be sleep.
Because my 'friend' cancelled on me because she had the chance to go somewhere with her 'best friend'. Rude! Plus I always did the arranging!
Because I realised that she was one of those perpetually miserable people, and every time we met she just moaned about trivial stuff which was really really boring. Our kids (currently toddlers) will be going to different schools, so I just took the opportunity to distance myself.
After years of just swallowing it, I stopped taking the rudeness and abuse from my evil step mother when the kids came along.
Agree that having kids focuses the mind less time and energy to concentrate on things/people that do not 'feed your soul'!
Because she decided my life was nicer than hers and she wanted it so started inviting friends we had introduced her to, to events we had always gone to with them, but not asking us. Final straw was a school ball where she invited all of our usual table except us to go with her and her DH.
Rather than allowing it to happen quietly I made a real song and dance about it because I was so angry. Luckily it backfired on her as people saw through her and she gradually faded out of our friendship groups
Because when I became unexpectedly pregnant by someone who did not stick around, and she had just met her new boyfriend, she was suddenly too busy to see/speak to me, and when she did find the time it was to tell me all about how great her new relationship was.
A. Because in a moment of vindictive anger he spilled a mutual friend's secret. It was personal information which he used as a weapon in his tantrum. I don't need friends who are capable of that.
B. Because we went on holiday together. Ruined a pleasant friendship. I found her irritatingly wet.
C. Because she went from being fun interesting and ambitious to dull and duller.
D. Because after years off supporting her through family difficulties - as soon as her life perked up she was off without a backward glance, and when I could have done with a bit of consideration she ignored every message and phone call.
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