to ask why you stopped talking to a friend.(233 Posts)
I stopped talking to a friend because my DS really did n't like playing with her DS, meetings with the kids were stressful. No major drama with the grown ups, just gradually decreased our contact. Friends for a season.
Why have your friendships fallen apart?
Because her husband said I'd asked him to sleep with me (totally outlandish story to go along with it) and she confronted me and said that if I denied it and she believed me, that meant their marriage was over. I denied it naturally and my dh called him and asked if he could just admit he might have made a mistake (misheard), but he then tried to convince my dh that it was true!
It was really fucked up and led to my loss of a friendship group - her 2 sisters (who I sensed both believed me) said they had to go with family loyalties, even though their BIL was seriously deluded and arrogant. I heard later on from someone else that she was paranoid because she suspected that he was unfaithful to her and I was a 'smokescreen' excuse on his part. I now know someone who shares work premises with him and he has tried to sleep with her.
I still wish I could write to her or him and tell them what I think of how they treated me. WIBU?! It was so outlandish but had horrible repercussions. Thankfully my dh also found the whole thing ludicrous. If he hadn't I hate to think of the further damage that might have been done just from one person's ruthlessness and lies.
My BF of 30 years (proper best mate, grew up together v close etc) asked me to go over and chat to her and her DH about C sections as I had one. This was on the Saturday and she was going in on the Monday to have her first baby.
I drove a 60 mile trip, had a lovely afternoon chatting and getting excited about her baby. Bid farewell they said they would let me know the good news of the arrival as soon as.
Monday came and went. Tuesday came and went. By Wednesday I strated to get a little concerned something had happened as I had not heard anything. I had a Layette on order from M&S/John Lewis and just had to call to say if I wanted it on blue or pink. I tried calling her and her home and even got my mum to dog out her mums phone number but could not get hold of anyone. No one returned my messages.
I did think - rationally initially - oh ok new baby, I am not family thats cool, bet they dont know what day of the week it is, sleep deprived etc etc but by the Friday I was frankly worried sick. I could not understand why they had not been in touch - even by text.
The following week I was in her town so dropped by the house - no one in.
3 weeks later she called me to day Hi and moan about sleepless nights whilst she was sat in her local pub with a local friend, on only her second night out since "Baby" had been born. It was the oddest convo ever. She chatted like all was normal and right. I had to ask what sex the baby was and she seemed confused I didnt know. She told me a girl and the name then said she had to go.
It was bizarre. We did get on again and I asked her outright a few months later why none of my calls/texts were returned etc - from her home or mobile and she says she never got them. I must have been texting someone else . Never did get a straight answer.
Reading inbetween the lines I think it may have been her DH. I have never properly clicked with him. I have always found him slightly arrogant. If you have something he has a better bigger one, if you have been somewhwere then he has been there twice - that kind. I moved hundreds of miles away the same summer my BF met him and although when I moved back 30 odd miles away 3 years later (when they wed) I dont think he ever has realised how close we were or didnt like me very much either.
So I decided to forgive and forget and move on.
2 years later, she was pregnant again. I was in regular touch with her and all excited and pleased for her. Again chatteed on the phone 2 days before she was going on to have baby and I joked that I didnt want to be worried this time and text when they had time would be appreciated. The exact same thing happend. Complete silence. I had again to phone and ask for 2 weeks or so if all was OK etc. Again no response to txts or messages. I wasnt expecting a card or personal phonecall. Just a text at some point in the days after baby was born. But nothing. I waited 4 days before calling and leaving a polite messagas didnt want to piss them off. Iknow that day 4 or 5 is usually coming home day for CS mums and the last thing you want to do in natter when you first get home so didnt even expect a call - a txt perhaps the next few days was all I wanted.
I found out she had another girl 3 weeks later through my mum who had bumped into her mum in town.
I was really hurt. I cannot see how you can so close to someone for 30 years and although distance kept us apart we chatted at least 2 x per week on phone and text most days to not get anything at such an important time of their life.
After the second time I just distanced myself. If her DH had issues with me then I wasnt going to cause shit in her marriage for her. If it was her - then she didnt come clean as to why after the first time not the intervening years between her 1st and 2nd baby.
Its very sad because its now been 7 or 8 years and I do miss her.
But still... Becausee she can see no wrong in her children, but will point out any misdemenour of mine and other people's. She tried to come between me and closer friend. I don't trust her.
Because after years of doing everything for her I realised she was using me and my husband when she greeted me with 'Mr.Theyda not here? I guess we don't have the car then, I needed to go shopping' That was when I looked back and realised every meeting had been driving her somewhere she needed to be.
Because she lied all the time and was very needy.
She lied to me about what my boss was asking her about - she was the department's secretary.
As a result, I told my boss I'd been sexually abused as a child.....this cost me my full-time job, and I've not had one since.
She then told me that I was upset and seeing a counsellor because I didn't want children. I wasn't bothered about having children at the time, and she wouldn't accept my feelings were correct. She knew best.....
Because she cut me dead when another "friend" told her I wasn't chuffed about her new bf.
Oh and she tried to shag every dh in our circle. That would do it.
Because she wouldn't drive the extra 2 minutes down the road from the house she was visiting to see my new born baby. She was too busy.
She never did come to visit my baby. Her loss.
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