To feel like I'm 'skiving' as a SAHM/housewife?!

(30 Posts)
Rachtoteach Tue 18-Jun-13 12:16:16

Ok, many moons ago I worked as a lawyer. Quite enjoyed it, but could take it or leave it. Gave up working to have DS, who is now 8 and subsequently had DD1 (6) and DD2 (9 mnths).

I have done some part-time work from home (writing articles) over the past few years but it's getting harder to find the time to fit it in (I've never used childcare as I earn too little to make it worthwhile) and now DD2 is on the move and sleeping less in day, I'm finding it near impossible to fit work in. Regular discussions with very supportive DH who basically says do whatever makes you happy, no pressure to work (there are always things we can cut back on to manage financially) and we don't live an expensive lifestyle.

So, my question is, I'm considering eliminating the self-imposed pressure I feel to get x number of articles done a day/week and 'officially' become a full-time housewife.... or am I supposed to say SAHM? So as much as the idea excites me (I love the idea of having the time to present an orderly house etc!) why do I feel like I would be shirking/skiving if not working a proper job? And would people look down on me for being a SaHM? Would DH end up losing respect for me for not having a job/career?

Words of wisdom please!!

amicissimma Tue 18-Jun-13 14:51:14

I'm a long-term SAHM. I love it. Work was fine, but in no way better than being at home.

I haven't known a moment's boredom since I've been at home, which I can't say about when I was working. I prefer to set my own timetable and skip, as far as possible, those activities which I don't enjoy. Sometimes I rush from one thing to the next, other times I can take it slowly, enjoy the. scenery, smell the coffee, just be .

I do a variety of activities out of the house, but take plenty of time to do what I enjoy at home, too. I've met all sorts of fascinating people, with a variety of backgrounds, many of whom have become good friends. At work I only met people in my and related fields - much narrower.

I wonder what will happen to people who rely on work for their identity and entertainment when they retire.

I don't define myself in terms of a job or value myself in financial terms; much less do I have to accept someone else's financial valuation of me. I rely for my income on someone whose number one interests are the same as mine, ie our family, our home, our marriage, rather than someone whose first priority is his business. We have insurance against DH being unfit to work or dying, and I get part of his pension if he dies or we divorce - it's in black and white. Plus my pension from when I worked.

Skiving? I think not. Living life to the full? For sure.

amicissimma Tue 18-Jun-13 14:55:05

Just noticed I didn't mention the DCs!

I'm really grateful that I've been able to enjoy their company so much; often just on a low-key, always-there level, as well as out and and about doing stuff with them.

stepawayfromthescreen Tue 18-Jun-13 15:01:04

I'm almost a sahm, do a few hours work a week.
I've worked Fulltime with kids and hated it.
My life wasn't my own, the kids were always on the back burner. I really really wanted to be a sahm, we could afford it, so I did. Spent several years being a sahm and sometimes thinking I really really missed work. Then returned to work a few years ago and realised I didn't miss work, just the idea of work. Grass is Greener syndrome.
Be happy, put into a pension, make sure money is split fairly and equally etc.

I agree very much with what pusspuss said. It would be a much different decision if it were as simple as stopping work now and picking up automatically a few years down the line, but realistically taking that time off means it will be so much harder to get back into work later. That's a risk taken not just for you, but for your whole family if something were to happen to your DH's ability to work.

So if you think you would like to work again at any point, I think it's a good idea to keep a hand in with the articles, even if just a minimal amount.

I do like your idea of writing books someday (I'm working on a book proposal myself smile) -- the e-readers make it easier to get 'published' but there is not a lot of money in it, though it sounds like that might be okay for you guys.

ParadiseChick Tue 18-Jun-13 15:04:03

Plenty of interests thanks for the concern. grin

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