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DH threatening to leave me if I get my hair cut

(99 Posts)
Bilpbip Tue 18-Jun-13 09:22:47

Okay I'm pretty sure I'm not being unreasonable about this.

DH loves my hair long, very long, it is thick and wavy and in great condition. The problem is that I hate it. I have an active, physical job so I spend most days with my heavy hair in a pony tail to keep it out of my face. It takes three days to dry after a wash and I never have the time nor the inclination to style it.

So last year I got it cut into a shortish bob style. OMG, I love my hair like this grin its light and easy and I never have to tie it up. DH said on the very first day that he hated it angry

This morning I mentioned in passing that I intend to go to the hairdresser later and he said thats fine but if I cut it any shorter he will leave! I'm pretty sure he is not serious but I'm still really angry with him.

Honestly my hair looks great in this style! I'm going to get it cut anyway and I'm tempted to test him and get it scalped grin

Snazzywaitingforsummer Tue 18-Jun-13 09:55:26

It sounds like one of those passive-aggressive 'jokes' where the person is using the opportunity to get a dig in, though they probably wouldn't make good on their threat. Not nice. You should not have to have your hair in a hairstyle you 'hate'. As TheApprentice said, he gets to have an opinion, he doesn't get to tell you what to do and make threats.

PrettyKitty1986 Tue 18-Jun-13 09:57:08

'I'm pretty sure he is not serious '

So what's the issue then? Did he mean it jokily?

Tbf if it was a tongue in cheek comment I can 't imagine getting upset over it. Df's last words to me this morning were 'you make sure my dinners on the table by 6 woman! And not the same tripe you served last night!' (Not in earshot of the dc i might add!) If I thought for one moment he was serious I'd change the locks when he was out grin .

Only you know the type of relationship you have with your dp, and so how his comment was most probably meant.

minibmw2010 Tue 18-Jun-13 10:07:11

I had really long hair when my DS was born (he's 2 now). DH never used to comment as such on it. I had it cut into a long bob when DS was about 1, DH said he liked it but I could tell he was a little disappointed but he'd never actually say it. After a disastrous trim where a Junior destroyed the shape I got it cut into quite a gamine cut and have kept it that way. In 3 cuts I've gone from really long to really short. I know my DH preferred it long but he knows short makes me happy (for now). He'll never actually say it because its my head/hair and I hope he loves me for more than my hair smile

TheOneAndOnlyAllan Tue 18-Jun-13 10:09:47

"I'm biased because I can't understand really short hair on women. I understand the ease of it all. But it just doesn't make sense to me. "

I have short hair. Now I'm wondering if it puzzles people in the street. What a weird thing to say Crowler.

WilsonFrickett Tue 18-Jun-13 10:13:25

Me too oneandonly, I'd hate to think my gamine crop is puzzling people, I thought they were just looking at my hair because, you know, it looks brilliant rather than baffling. wink

I also have a 41 yo friend with an undercut and she looks a. maz. ing.

OP, get your hair cut how you want. But I would be tempted to get a number 1 all over after a comment like that I wouldn't really because I have a funny shaped head but still, I'd be tempted

Flyingtree Tue 18-Jun-13 10:14:15

My old boss's wife cut all her long hair off, her's was down to her waist.

She used to come into work every day to see him and we'd hear them arguing about it (and him 'joking' about it in front of staff). She was Asian and she wore the trousers, so he wasn't controlling in the least.

He then had an affair with an identical looking woman with long hair and left his wife.

I once stupidly cut my toddler's lovely long locks really short. Obviously I didn't love him less, but he def lost the cute factor for a while. I won't be doing that again!

KikeriFreedomCastle Tue 18-Jun-13 10:15:02

I find it very odd for him to threaten to leave you over a haircut, especially an ordinary haircut like a bob (not like you're getting head shaved or anything).

You must have very thick hair for it to take three days to dry! Am also guessing it must be when up in pony tail form.

Crowler
Not all hair is suited to growing long. My hair is fine and it just looks untidy when I grow it long and it makes me look older. A shorter cut suits me much better.

DH expresses no opinion on the length of my hair and I don't make fun of the fact that he is losing his very often.

chickenliversfortea Tue 18-Jun-13 10:17:45

Well I look at some peoples hair and it puzzles me. It's one of the first things we notice about someone and it says as much about you as clothes if not more.
Puzzling hair for example are older women who have very set short permed hair. I really do think why?

Bilpbip Tue 18-Jun-13 10:18:37

Hi there I am here, I'm just trying to work too grin

It takes three days if I wash it an put it up straight away, I have to even sleep with my hair tied up.

I think he is just sulking, I'd love to shave the lot off just to see his face but then I have to live with it... and I don't really fancy an undercut, sorry.

Thing is my hair is really nice shortish, I get lots of compliments and have recently noticed quite a few with the same haircut - short at the back and quite long (below my chin) at the front and wildly wavy - recently.

I'm feeling a little less livid now though, thanks all

From talking to some of my idiot male friends over the years, it seems that for some men, their dislike of short hair isn't an aesthetic judgment but rather an emotional one, in that they associate it with being more of a mum than a wife. (I did say they were idiots!) So basically your haircut ends up becoming a reflection of their life, to them. A sign that things have really changed.

Obviously not excusing your husband's reaction but wondering if his overreaction has some kind of emotional element like this.

sorry x-post!

or maybe he's just a sulker then

AnyFucker Germany Tue 18-Jun-13 10:26:00

My husband would prefer my hair long.

the key word is "my"

My hair, my choice.

AnyFucker Germany Tue 18-Jun-13 10:27:46

DB, I find that the encroaching beer belly and hair in the ears can mark a new time in a certain type of man's life too

They don't sulk about that though, do they ? smile

Bilpbip Tue 18-Jun-13 10:28:37

snazzy I think you have it, passive aggressive. I don't seriously think he will leave me over a haircut and if he does, good riddance! I'm irritated that he that he can have such an aggressive opinion over it.

He is entitled not to like it.

superbagpuss Tue 18-Jun-13 10:29:40

other way round
I told my dh he needed to keep his long hair until we got married

it is amazing hair and it was long when we got together, I grew mine to not be such a difference in lengths

a few months after our wedding he had it cut into a man Bob and kept some of it - yuck envy.

not my choice but its his hair and I respect that

TheRealFellatio Tue 18-Jun-13 10:33:09

3 days to dry? confused

Are you sure? that sounds like nonsense to me.

But apart from that bit of silliness YANBU.

AnyFucker Germany Tue 18-Jun-13 10:33:56

My daughter's hair can take a couple of days to fully dry.

M0naLisa Tue 18-Jun-13 10:35:52

My DH says this but he's joking. Are you sure he's not joking?

Startail Tue 18-Jun-13 10:36:34

YABU
We all love/hate things about our partners and of course we express an opinion about them.

DH would hate it if I got very short hair, I'd hate it if he had his really short too.

Conversely I also moan if DH lets his get very wild.

We have to look at each other, sleep with each other, of course we have preferences over each others hair, clothes etc.

Pleasing each other, up to a point, isn't controlling, it's considering the others feelings.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Tue 18-Jun-13 10:36:48

Yanbu. How dare he try and control you. Fuck him. Go get your hair cut exactly how you want it.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 10:38:26

Tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out.

CrapBag Tue 18-Jun-13 10:44:20

Say "I'll help you pack your bags when I'm back from the hairdressers then" grin

All in a jokey way of course. wink

eminemmerdale Tue 18-Jun-13 10:50:22

My dh always tells me he likes my hair as it gets a bit longer because it costs a fortune to have it cut but I love it sort!

AF -- ha, they don't, do they?

FWIW I did tell them they were being idiots. And pawns of modern marketing.

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