ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
to not be excited by a suprise holiday(53 Posts)
My 'd'p has suprised us with a family holiday of a week in Madeira. How lovely, however it is in 9 weeks, I don't have a passport (it's run out), the dogs jabs are not up to date, I can't find anywhere where I can kennel her when her jabs ARE up to date, it corresponds with a week where my employer has managed to set up some training for us all to do, which I have been asking for in my appraisals for the last 3 years for (it's quite a specialist course, very expensive, everyone is doing at once, if I miss it, I won't get to do it).
But the final straw was, it's with his parents (who are generally lovely in a elderly, don't start talking about immigration to them way) and who have been nagging him to tell me that we are all going on holiday together since before Christmas.
His reasoning for why he didn't tell me before Christmas was because he didn't want me to get stressed! ARGHHHH! So now I have to get my passport renewed REALLY quickly (that'll be because the flight booking need my passport number 3 weeks before we fly), get the dogs to the vets, ring round kennels (and visit them, poor dog has never been kennelled before, think this is stressing me out more than anything!) and I am going to miss out on some amazing training.
Ahhhhhh that feels better
YANBU, and he should be the one to ring round all the kennels since it's his lack of consideration that's caused this problem in the first place.
I just wouldn't go. In particular, I would refuse to miss the training. Your DP has fucked up big-time here (but will hopefully learn from his mistake).
Staying at home with the dog and the training will be a lovely holiday ;) You won't 'lose' money as that money is already spent whether you go or not - you'll save money on the passport and kennel bills
And you shod award yourself the same spending money for the week as DH gets - take away, day at the spa (when not training!), haircut .... I think you'll be more rested after your home-holiday than a Madeira holiday with DH, DD and inlaws ...
Wow, that's really thoughtless of him. I'd be fuming. And tempted to say sod it, and stay at home and do the flipping training. Might be quite nice to have a week by yourself, without kids to look after and well-meaning but ruddy irritating (on this topic) dp?
In respect of the training is it possible to 'be present' via a video call (if you have conferencing equipement or live web cam?
youve got 9 weeks to sort out a passport and the dog. Itll be fine. Thats loads of time.
Cant someone just loook after your dog for you? Its only a week.
Unless you're in a really high end hotel, meh. Full of hills, elderly, and cruise ship stop overs. We went because it was one of few warm spots that time of year and not a long haul. If you rent a car and you're not retired , it can be very lovely - scenery, interior rainforests, beaches, sail trips. But many things not really for the elderly. Find out if you get to do things separately or will be expected to do group things with in laws
Send away your passport through the post.
£72.50 and it will be back within 3-4 weeks.
Oh stop being so bloody miserable and get n and sorry your shit out to go, this training would have been in that week whenever you found out right? And you say you get n with your inlaws. And passport is simple to sort. Only issue is your dogs, which you have got weeks to sort. If You Wanted To.
Do family holidays come along often then? To be able to just be like 'ooh some time alone!'
Stop being so miserable and annoyed at not being in control.
Pavlov, part of the pleasure of a holiday is the planning and the anticipation, both of which have been denied to the OP. IMO this trip to Madeira is less a holiday and more an interruption. It's a long journey to a place she didn't choose to go (and might not have wanted to go to), with people she didn't choose to go with, at a time that is inconvenient, and at such short notice that she is unable to make the arrangements for her dogs that she would have made had her DP just behaved normally and made the plans jointly with the OP. Surprises are a pain in the arse IMO.
You do sound rather stressy. No wonder he didn't tell you. You have loads of time. My passport renewal took 3 weeks to come through. You can fast track it anyway.
As for the dog. In our vets there are loads of dog sitters on the notice board rather than kennels so prob font even need jabs. But get them find tomorrow. You have enough time to get the jabs done.
I wish my oh would Do surprises like this. Everything with mine has to be planned in advance. I like surprises and spontaneity.
I really don't know why you are stressing you have loads of time. Looks to me like your looking for excuses to complain to me
What an inconsiderate idiot he has been with his stupid surprise holiday. I wouldn't be happy with this either, and would opt (quite happily) to stay at home, do the training, and wallow in some lovely peaceful me-time rather than spending weeks stressing trying to find someone I trusted to care for the dog.
It really won't be an easy job, I remember as a kid that my dad used to book the kennels for next summer as we returned from our holiday to pick up the dog! And I'm sure lots of people do the same, so all the decent kennels and sitters will most likely be booked solid already (and if you're going to try to find somewhere make him do the bloody phoning and sort out his own mess).
And Madeira is a bit shit anyway IMO
Life is really a bitch for the OP if this type of surprise is enough to cause a rift in the family (you don't think it would?) wheryouleftit. Life has a funny way of chucking surprises at you, and normally, they aren't nice ones! Get a Grip is what I say to the OP.
part of the pleasure of a holiday is the planning and the anticipation, both of which have been denied to the OP and you can deny me the planning and waaaaiting any time. Just give me the tickets thanks. If all I have to do is jabs, dogs, passport, bring it on! I find the trawling for locations so dull. I just want to be there, thanks.
How's about I go? I like hills...
In this case I think work is more important. You can't get the dog sorted and with the cost of new passport vs flights, sheesh don't go! And as for keeping it "secret"
and his parents going leave him to it.
I think you just don't want to hang out with your in-laws.
9 weeks is AGES, and you can find someone to look after the dog. The passport is very easy. I always get caught renewing them at the last minute (as in really last minute).
What is the one day course? Nothing too complex as it is only for one day. You can probably do it at another venue if you really want to.
These things are all excuses in my opinion; you just don't want to go, so be honest to yourself.
My DH has recently done the same thing. I work full time as does he. My work diary is filled 3 months in advance and I manage a team. his motive was that he wanted to go that particular week and i did not want to go that week. so he has booked it as a surprise and paid for it all. but i have had to take unpaid annual leave which means in effect i have paid for my self anyway.
YANBU. I would be fuming. I would want to be consulted before booking, and would not go.
I love being at home with DH and the kids. I'm not a big fan of sitting on planes trains and automobiles with them. I could quite happily not go on holiday for years.
However, the only issue here is the course. Your DH can do the dogs. The passport you can sort in your lunch hour one day.
Can you ask a colleague to put forward any specific issues/concerns that you have related to the course so that you have the answer to whatever it was that is bothering you. I know that's not the same as being there, but I think you have to think of a way round it.
I would be furious if dh did this. what would he have done if you'd booked a surprise holiday away for the family with your parents and it happened to co-incide with the holiday he'd booked or a really busy time at work for him? he wouldn't be happy, don't see why he expects you to be happy either.
It would also worry me that he thinks that he knows me well enough to do this and that I would be happy when actually he has managed to make a bad situation worse by deliberately hiding the fact that he'd booked the holiday from you until now even though he's known for ages.
Just out of interest - if you were spending that sort of money on a holiday, where would you have liked to have gone? Is madeira somewhere that you would have chosen or would you have said no, would prefer to go to Italy/Spain/France/Cornwall/the Moon/wherever. I think you have to tell him that he's chosen a bad destination for you if that is the case. Do you think the PIL wanted to go there - seems to be a granny destination - and that's why he chose it?
I just wouldn't bother to get my passport updated and then I wouldn't be able to go. I'd also try to cancel my bit asap and leave him to go on holiday with PIL and dc, enjoy my training and a week at home alone.
And if I did do that - then I wouldn't have been the one that wasted the money. DH is the one that wasted the money by booking a holiday on a day that you can't go. I'm guessing that if you are at a school like the ones that my dc go to, the teacher training days are published when the school terms are published and are normal at work days for the staff. So if he'd bothered to check what your dates were (even if he rang the office and asked them to keep it a secret) then he'd have known that that week was out of the question for you anyway due to the training day.
If it was a training day that I really wasn't bothered about or interested in, then maybe I'd think I'd try talking to the head teacher and explain what my idiot of a husband had done. But for something that I'd been asking for, for years, and for it to have been arranged on a one off day or miss it forever, then I would stay for it and not feel in the slightest bit guilty. I'd also say that we should have a proper family holiday when I was free to go. (even if I knew we couldn't afford it and wouldn't actually do anything about booking it but would make dh feel guilty).
And I make sure that he knew that there is absolutely no way that he should ever do this again and that next year, you get to chose where you want to go and that you will be taking your parents with you. (even if you are not planning to, but just so he gets to feel the eeehhhh moment of why do I want to spend my hard earned holiday with PIL? and thus realise what you felt).
Ooh a surprise holiday with his parents.
It wasn't a surprise, he didnt want to ask. It was an ambush
^mmmmmm, bearing in mind your reaction do you think he might
have had a slight point?^
BridgetBidet, only if the point was "I know you will be stressed so I will gve you less time and then still make you do all the work so you can go on a holiday with my parents that you don't even want to go on"
I'm an adult I plan my own holidays, maybe a weekend away before kids if I was definitely not working. But this. I'd be furious
If he genuinely wanted to reduce the stress for the OP he would have sorted the dog long ago, booked a place that the OP had said she'd like to go and depending on their relationships probably would not have invited his parents.
Re the dog, look up a franchise company called barking mad - dogs stay in people's homes. It's not cheap but is great for dogs that have never been to kennels before.
This is why I think surprise holidays are such a bad idea..
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.