To be shocked so many women are defending Saatchi on MN?

(192 Posts)
PoppyAmex Mon 17-Jun-13 16:53:16

Thread about a million other threads...

I'm disappointed to read the comments of so many women spouting apologist crap regarding Saatchi's heinous behaviour:

"he looks like he's checking her glands"
"we don't know what she said before he did that"
"we need to hear his side of the story"
"we don't know the background"
"she must be mortified"

YABU to be genuinely shocked with just how many women chose to align themselves with such despicable behaviour?

It makes no sense to me.

spondulix Mon 17-Jun-13 18:25:29

In the context of an argument (which is what Saatchi have admitted it was) putting your hands around someone's throat is intimidating and violent. I really don't see how it can be construed as otherwise.

PoppyAmex Mon 17-Jun-13 18:27:24

"What I've been shocked about is how people who have different views, or just thoughts or curiosity on it all, have been verbally attacked and bullied and called c**ts (irony). As if a kind of liberal Hang 'em and Flog 'em brigade was mobilised into action, just weird and verging on hysterical."

Yes, those pesky women and their hysterical reactions when confronted with violence. Have they learned nothing throughout the centuries? <tut>

FutTheShuckUp Mon 17-Jun-13 18:28:48

PrettyKitty1986- the fifties called and want their attitude back.
Im also sure it wouldn't be rape if he forced himself on her as they are married and it's mans right.. FFS bangs head on keyboard

LEMisdisappointed Mon 17-Jun-13 18:30:55

What totally and utterly baffles me about the whole thing is that he did this in a public place. Does he think he is totally above rebuke?

I'm not going to say the law because i don't know if he broke the law - genuinely, i do not know if that would be considered assault? I think it should but technically?

Hopefully he has destroyed his reputation, but in all honesty, does he even care? He has so much money i daresay he can buy a new set of friends sycophants

PoppyAmex Mon 17-Jun-13 18:31:26

Katy you're right, that wasn't defending him.

But my point is the narrative should be about him and his actions, not her.

If our first reaction is "I'd be mortified if I was her", the message is instantly about her. You wouldn't say the same to a rape victim, so why should we about a victim of DV?

TheFallenNinja Mon 17-Jun-13 18:37:09

Whatever the reasons for this, it will turn into a PR excercise.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 17-Jun-13 18:42:19

But poppy, the fact remains that she probably is mortified, just as a rape victim would be mortified. They shouldn't be because it is clearly not them at fault, but they will still be mortified. I would be. I daresay she is also berating herself for not keeping him appeased and that SHE has brought all of this upon herself. She will be feeling all of those things - and the sad thing is, it will probably do more damage to her career that it will his. I don't think it is defending him and putting the blame onto her by saying she would be mortified.

Does anyone know if he has broken the law?

Oblomov Mon 17-Jun-13 18:45:13

At first there was just one picture.
People hung, and quartered him, before they even knew what had happened.
Init,ally based on ONE photo, it looked bad. But, although unlikely, it could have been that he was showing her... "then my bil did this , (grabbed her ropund neck,), to show to her what had happened to my siste/freind/niece etc.... Yes, its unlikely, but we didn't KNOW.

Then more photos were released.
Then came his statement.
Both of these made it worse, becasue it SEEMS that peoples initial fears were being confirmed.
I am not condoning him, or DV.
But I felt people were too quick to cricify him.

Since, then it transpires, that there is more evidence, to SUGGEST, that the man is totally abusive. But too many people were too quick to jump.

ARealDame Mon 17-Jun-13 18:48:19

It just sounded like a lynch mob to me. Plus the attitude that people who were shocked/confused but even breathed to wonder what it all meant, or if it was true, or why had this happened could probably go to the scaffold too. Strangely bullying and mob mentality whilst claiming the higher moral ground hmm. By the way I didn't see anyone defend Saatchi (as if anyone would) as OP said, just some not so quick to string him up judge-and-jury.

ApocalypseThen Mon 17-Jun-13 18:50:12

No you're right. Strangling someone can be a bit of a jape, so it's right to reserve judgement until its proven that the strangling isn't all just for larfs.

SoniaGluck Mon 17-Jun-13 18:50:39

Well, I can't speak for anyone else, Oblomov but I read the first reports of this late on Saturday night and there was a series of photos, not just one.

I based my conclusions on all of them, not just one.

ClaireDeTamble Mon 17-Jun-13 18:52:38

If our first reaction is "I'd be mortified if I was her", the message is instantly about her. You wouldn't say the same to a rape victim, so why should we about a victim of DV?

Because maybe some people's first reaction is to empathise with the victim rather than condemn the attacker?

If someone told me they were raped, my first reaction would be to focus on them and their feelings, to offer sympathy and empathy. My second reaction would be to want to get the bastard.

In all the cocophony of noise about what an utter bastard Saatchi is, how that poor woman must be feeling is being lost.

Not only has her abusive relationship been exposed to the world, but she has had to flee her home with her teenage children to try and avoid the madness that such a public exposure of the incident has created.

Yes, she probably is feeling mortified and embrarrased - she shouldn't have to, but it is perfectly understandable. She also probably feeling very hurt, scared and alone right now. Making it about her and offering empathy and support rather giving him even more publicity (and let's face it - ultimately, his reputation won't be particularly harmed by any of this if his already hideous reputation is anything to go by) is not a bad thing in my opinion.

MummyAbroad Mon 17-Jun-13 19:01:03

I thought the series of photos plus the tabloid story explaining what happened made it clear what went on. I know tabloids are not trustworthy, but they are opening themselves up to libel by citing his outright abuse, a fact which to me, gives the story a lot of credit.

I dont see that there has been a lynch mob, quick to harass anyone who didnt condemn him, but more that many people, quite rightly, want to counter a very widespread culture of silence around the taboo of DV. Of course we would all love for this to have been an innocent mistake, and its much more convenient for everyone if we "give him the benefit of the doubt" because then we dont have to do anything or face a very ugly truth, which is that DV is everywhere and more should be done to stop it.

ImakeBADdecisions Mon 17-Jun-13 19:02:05

Claire, the point is that to focus on CS is to focus on the fact that what he did was wrong, that nothing NL could have done would excuse abusive behaviour. So whatever they were arguing about it is not acceptable to do xyz.

I have split up with an abusive husband recently. I have read accounts of other women who have and we don't all feel the same things. No-one but the woman herself knows what she feels. Hopefully she will be able to talk to friends and family about it, so doesn't need the public to speculate on her feelings. We do, however, as a society need to condemn domestic abuse. Which is why many people focus on discussing him.

MadBusLady Mon 17-Jun-13 19:03:45

I think those saying that many people "jumped" to the correct conclusion may have to consider the possibility that those people's reasoning was just better than theirs.

I could "jump" to the conclusion that this laptop is not going to turn into a kitten in five minutes, and technically yes, we will have to wait till the five minutes is up before "evidence" clinches this point. I am, nonetheless, quietly confident.

mercibucket Mon 17-Jun-13 19:05:33

where were the photos, Sonia?

i cant say i have looked at more than one, and it wasnt on a reputable website, it was a tabloid. it didnt seem to have a series of images to peruse and build my righteous indignation. i dont see why anyone saying something along the lines of 'could be faked/doctored/have innocent explanation' are unreasonable in the initial day/s, funnily enough, not all of us believe everything we read/see to be true without corroborating evidence, particularly if first reported in a tabloid

I saw the pictures on Saturday night too. First one, then the series. It reminded me of some pictures I'd see a few months ago - where he put his hand over mouth. I have no problem with leaping to the conclusion based on that Mr Saatchi is in fact an absusive twat. I have no time at all for anybody who wants to try and defend this man.

There are pictures of him with his HAND around his wife's THROAT. She is clearly upset. He says it's a tiff. Well you know what I've been married for 16 years and I've had planty of tiffs. NEVER involving hands round throats.

Anybody who is reading these threads and is thinking 'oooh well maybe she'd done...' wake up people! HIS HAND AROUND HER THROAT! It's NEVER ok. IT's NEVER reasonable. It's ALWAYS scary and abusive. I have three daughters and a sister and a mother and aunts and sisters in law and nieces and just today a goddaughter. None of those women will ever be treated like that if I know about and have breath on my body to prevent it. There is no other side to this.

MummyAbroad Mon 17-Jun-13 19:07:49
mercibucket Mon 17-Jun-13 19:08:35

it is sometimes worth a newspaper's while to risk being sued as they still make more money from the increase in sales

a general point, but why i would not automatically think 'oh if it was false, they'd get sued for libel, so it must be true'

catgirl1976 Mon 17-Jun-13 19:09:17

I can only find a picture where he has his hand across her mouth - I haven't seen the ones where he is holding her neck

catgirl1976 Mon 17-Jun-13 19:10:07

Ag - just clicked on Mummyabroads link

That looks grim - not lighthearted at all

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 17-Jun-13 19:12:06

PrettyKitty

It isn't just the crying. It's the pictures, plus what he has said.

FriskyHenderson Mon 17-Jun-13 19:13:40

I think the fact he is saying 'yeah it looks bad but I needed to put my hands around her neck repeatedly until she listened. My bad' makes it worse - how on earth can he think that's normal?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 17-Jun-13 19:16:14

LEM

I think he probably does think he is above rebuke. History is littered with authoritarian/ "artistic"/ "passionate"/ powerful/ psychopathic people who
get away with it and think they always will

SoniaGluck Mon 17-Jun-13 19:19:19

merci I honestly can't remember, now. Someone posted a link on Twitter - it was probably a tabloid site.

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