To tell DH to fetch it himself?(168 Posts)
Bit of background - DH likes bikes. Not like a normal person might but in the way that a train spotter likes trains. This has caused some tension over the years but I try to rise above it. DH has over 20 bikes in various states of partial dismemberment. He yearns to buy more "vintage bikes" (aka rubbish) all of the time and spends hours looking at pictures on e-bay. It is quite sad really.
Yesterday he runs into the kitchen telling me he had found a bike with the perfect 1950s cranks on that he had been looking for for months. His for a mere hundred and something pounds, but not to worry because there were bits on it he did not want that he could sell for twice that. He has never sold one single bike bit despite saying something similar each time he buys one. I tell him he knows my feelings about bikes and what our finances are like but he is an adult and I am not going to stop him spending the money he earns. Two minutes later he comes into the kitchen, the proud owner of yet another bike. I grimmace.
He comes to give me a hug and is very lovey. I think this is because he has bought the bloody thing and is trying to win me over. But no, there is more to it. Turns out the bike is collection only from London. We live over a hundred miles from London. However, I work there. He wants me to collect it from a suburb it will take about 40 minutes to get to after work and then somehow I have to get it back to the mainline train station and then in my car at the other end. I told him to get his own fecking bike.
His reply to me was that I was being totally unreasonable and he bet that if he was on something like mumsnet and asked everyone would agree, so I told him I would ask. If you lot tell me IABU, I will go and get the damn thing. If not, he is on his own. So, am I?
Pinky, that is correct.
I think you should demand that half of the disposable income is YOURS. if you can pin down the figure that he spends on bits and parts every month by trawling through statements, and if he can share this with you so that you can pursue a hobby or treat yourself, then and only then I'd go and get his bike but even then, he'd have to realise it was a big favour. he sounds like a selfish geek
God forbid she should have to grant the DH time, space and mental energy!
When you live with someone who collects things, forever promising to sell bits on Ebay and never getting round to it, cluttering up the living space you share, making it harder to store and clean things, you do end up giving an unfair amount of time, space and mental energy even without having to traipse across London at the end of a day's work simply to add to it on his behalf.
chicken you said his hobby was more virtuous than spitting venom on the internet.
Lottie, God forbid she should have to grant the DH time, space and mental energy! What is the world coming to. I'm sure she doesn't expect that from him...!
Goosey I'm afraid not. He's more likely to be on a bicycle collectors forum seeking some balance!
Pinky I didn't say that.
It's his hobby, but he won't pick it up because he considers his time to be more valuable than yours? No way would I pick it up.
And what if it's not in the advertised condition? Guess that becomes your problem too. Just no.
chicken what's so 'virtuous' about having 23 bikes in various states of repair and not being used cluttering up the house and wanting to add another one to the collection?
Hi ChikenTikka - are you married to me? In which case, Hi and sorry about any venom on the thread as I do love you. Still not getting the bike though.
Love the formula - in dh's case, I think the correct version might be something along the lines of n = x2.
Hmm, no, Chickentikka claims to know MN. She doesn't seem to have read the thread either.
She says the hobby is harmless - OP doesn't agree, she said it takes up space in their home, her time helping lift bikes to the loft and her mental energy having to ask him to move them from their living space. And, that he hasn't done anything wrong - well commiting to the purchase before asking if she minded helping was certainly very silly and is the basic unreasonableness here. Saying so is just answering the question.
If he was trying it on, he tried, he failed. if he really expected OP to comply with his wish, he's a silly billy and should have considered the possibility of her declining, before purchasing.
I almost feel sorry for him now, if he is the husband.
Go on and fetch the bike. chickenTikka has convinced me that Dh needs some support- bless him.
I'm almost sure ChickenTikka is the husband!
I'm a cyclist, and a bit of a bike collector. I "only" have eight, well, eleven if you include the ones that I bought for my wife.
YANBU. He shouldn't have bought this bike if he can't get it home. If he wants the cranks he can ask the vendor to take them off and send them. Or get the vendor to courier the whole thing.
Mmm you could benefit from this for a long time...
What can he do for you in return? He needs to be very, very, very, very grateful if you do him this huge favour, in view of how you feel about his little hobby.
Time to start some serious negotiations, me thinks...
WhereYouLeftIt I think I may have to invite you round to meet m DH.
He doesn't get that 'having' is different from improving or using things. His bits of cars (plus random other 'stuff') are all gathering dust while he collects magazines about them to store alongside them.
HWBU buying it without working out collection first. If you do it, then I think you're entitled to have him do a day of your chores.
I would feel a bit put out if my DH asked this of me, but I would do it if he really wanted me to. He does do a lot of things for me though so it's swings and roundabouts.
Are you being unreasonable in refusing to do your husband a favour?
Yes you are.
Your poor DH has a hobby that makes him happy. It might seem pointless or geeky to some, but it makes him happy, and isn't doing anyone any harm. Certainly it's more virtuous than spitting venom on the Internet at some poor man who has done nothing wrong, other than assuming he would get a vote of confidence on Mumsnet, which is akin to a weedy kid asking the school bully to be the objective arbiter of whether he gets punched in the face at break-time.
So do him a favour, and go get the bike. Mumsnet will wait till you get back. You could then even post a picture of said bike on here so you and everyone above can continue to hiss and cackle merrily. That way he gets to enjoy his hobby, and you get to enjoy yours.
I don't understand why people are banging on about bikes not being allowed on the trains during peak hours?
By the time she has traipsed to a London suburb (min 40 mins) walked to the house/found the house (god knows how long), spoken to the sellers (who will be only too pleased to pass on their knowledge about the bikes history - these people always are) and traipsed a hunking lump of rusting metal with no/flat tyres, got the train back to London -.... peak hours will be a dim distant memory.
OPDH - stop being a knob and drive up at the weekend.
Would he do something similar for you?
If you know he would, then YABU.
If not, then YANBU
Invite this guy round to see if he will buy any
He needs a workshop, I have a huge workshop, it's full to the gills (architectural salvage and vintage furniture) , many people would love to get in and buy stuff,
i only sell items when I have found something better and I need space, or I upgrade to a larger workshop.
I am SO going on all the relationship AIBUs to tell people to Leave The Bike from now on.
How does DH know that evening would be a convenient time for the bike to be picked up?
After all, it could be a family with young DC, finally clearing the detritus of a hobby (presumably the eBay description was written by the hobbyist, to have been so alluring!). Would they wait hours for a pickup?
or perhaps they WOULD stay up, till crack of doom, to get rid of the damned thing, thinking themselves lucky?!
Hugely unreasonable request from MrGooseyLoosey, for all the reasons already stated.
MrGooseyLoosey - a word, please. 23 bikes, none of the restored, none of them fit to ride, deteriorating away in the loft and other sad spaces. WTF? (Please translate for him, OP). My beloved loves his bikes; the ones he rides, the ones he designed and built for himself, the one he restored and sold for a handsome profit on eBay, the ones he works with. The state of your bikes would make him cry. Hang your head in shame Sir, for you do not love your bikes if you continue to treat them so. Pick a bike from the 23. Since you bought this latest bike for the cranks, cannibalise them onto your chosen bike and send the rest to the scrapyard. Go through them all in the same way. Restore the chosen one to its former glory. Don't keep them this way, mouldering away, never to be ridden again. Or one thing is for sure - you may think that you love your bikes, but THEY know for sure that they don't love you. <stern look>
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