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To tell my DD to LTB!!!

(49 Posts)
LEMisdisappointed Sun 16-Jun-13 20:19:35

I am fuming, well beyond that really - I have The Rage!!

Its my DD1s birthday today, she is 23. She came out with us on Friday night and was out with her friends last night. She lives with her DP of five years.

So today, her birthday, he fucks off out all day with his mates (to be fair doing an organised sport thing that he takes v seriously) leaving her on her own with a promise he will be back at 3, will take her for a meal tonight - ive just spoken to her and he was home late (i think about 6.30) and is now sleeping. No birthday present.

Fucking bastard - i am so upset, have been out with DP and DD2 today, woudl have been no problem to swing by and pick DD1 up or do something with her.

This is a deal breaker isn't it??

I want her home - we don't have room really (long story) but we can make room or she can stay at my mums (around the corner) as she actally has a bedroom there. The only problem is her work, she works near where she lives (30 miles away), has to be there at stupid o clock some mornings.

I don't know what to do to help - already said too much angry

ParadiseChick Mon 17-Jun-13 10:03:07

It must be difficult to stand back.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 17-Jun-13 09:44:38

Ok OK!! IABU!!!!

To those who have asked, i actually really like her DP, i find him a bit difficult to talk to as he is painfully shy but hes a nice guy and treats DD well. I think that was why i was so upset for her last night, he usually spoils her rotten on her bday but i think money is tight. All the same, he shouldn't have made promises to take her out and then not do it.

But like you all say, its their problem not mine.

DD was upset yes, but now im worried i have made it worse.

I did message her to say that i was sorry for going off on one and that he was probaby just being thoughtless a man. I made a joke that sufficient pennance would be to pull the covers off him all night grin

Its just really hard to not say anything, she is my DD and i feel protective - l also feel guilty if she is upset, like i should be able to make it all better, which of course, i can't. She is not a doormat, far from it, so i imagine things will sort itself out. she will torture him for a few days and then let it go

Stay out of it. At 24 I get really passed off when my mum retires this kind of thing. With my ex just after we broke up she did the whole "well I didn't think he was that great" bullocks too and I could have killed her. And I had very similar going on wrt birthday gifts and whatnot. My parents made their dislike for little sisters boyfriend known and it only served to stop her dumping him until she had moved in with him and paid his way for a year.

Also, why on earth would she want to move back home? Why would you want her too? She's 23 ffs. She's an adult. Unless he is bring abusive, array our of it.

livinginwonderland Mon 17-Jun-13 07:25:57

really, you need to get a grip. this is nothing to do with you. keep your nose out and don't slag off her DP to her anymore! she's an adult now, not your little baby.

NewAtThisMalarky Mon 17-Jun-13 07:07:25

I too am curious as to whether your daughter was upset. You haven't mentioned that key piece of information.

is there some reason why this gets such a strong reaction from you? It seems a bit OTT unless you have experienced similar thoughtlessness that led to more serious issues

FrillsandLaces Mon 17-Jun-13 06:07:52

As hard as it is I'd try not to get overly involved. From what I know you'll end up being the bad guy in this if you voice your opinions too much. Shit foe your daughter, Id be really upset if my partner promised to take me somewhere on my birthday and then didnt. And id be fuming if a bloke did that to my sister. Perhaps hell take her out tonight? Is your daughter upset? Crap that really

wigglesrock Sun 16-Jun-13 23:42:33

Surely she's old enough to sort herself out if she wants to go out. I'd be more irritated at my child for sitting around waiting on someone else taking her somewhere instead of doing it herself.

Jan49 Sun 16-Jun-13 23:05:52

I think your response is way over the top. She had 2 nights out celebrating her birthday. If she's upset about her DP's behaviour then that's between them to sort out. Perhaps she'd had enough after 2 nights out and was happy not to go out tonight.

It sounds like you've taken a dislike to her DP. Fuming, having a rage, upset over your DD's partner not taking out to dinner for her birthday when he'd planned to and hasn't got her a present? It's up to her if she's upset about it. Is she? I might be annoyed if I were her and we'd planned to eat out and he was too tired. But for it to be a dealbreaker there would have to be a whole lot more.

redexpat Sun 16-Jun-13 21:42:35

Is she upset? Because it sounds like you are very upset on her behalf, which leads me to think about love languages and suspect that yours is probably acts of service. You feel loved when people do nice things for you. So you do it for other people. I'm guessing that SILs primary language isnt the same as yours. You see this as a slight on your daughter, but he probably wont understand what hte fuss is about, because his way to express love is totally different.

McNewPants2013 Sun 16-Jun-13 21:09:36

As a mother I would hate of my DC being alone on thier birthday, and I guess you are angry with him because if he was honest and said that he wouldn't have had time/ energy to go out then she could of spent it with you.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 16-Jun-13 21:04:19

McNew - it was today - thats why i am upset

HollyBerryBush Sun 16-Jun-13 21:03:51

Just an anecdotal story - my mum did everything in her power to put me off a bloke when I was 18 - I married him.

All I learned from that experience was (a) I was head strong (b) my mother was always right (c) best £250 I ever spent at 22 getting shot of the bastard.

A lesson learned in not dissing your childs choice (no matter mow much you may wish to slam your own head into brick walls!!!)

But I will say I never got the "I told you so" routine.

StraightJacket Sun 16-Jun-13 21:03:04

If she was that bothered, why didn't she wake him up?

LEMisdisappointed Sun 16-Jun-13 21:02:02

He does, as far as i am aware, yes but i dont think things have been brilliant lately

McNewPants2013 Sun 16-Jun-13 21:00:55

If her birthday was in the week would they both book time off work.

I do tend to spend my birthday with my kids or in work, where everything is normal day. Washing cooking and cleaning. I am only 27 so just a few years older.

Salmotrutta Sun 16-Jun-13 21:00:29

treat her well. Not "threat" her well hmm

oulret Sun 16-Jun-13 21:00:16

This has nothing to do with you and you shouldn't interfere.

Salmotrutta Sun 16-Jun-13 20:59:45

But was this unusual for him to do this?

Does he normally threat her well?

I'd honestly leave it well alone. By all means sympathise with her if she complains to you but don't start that particular conversation.

diddl Sun 16-Jun-13 20:59:34

Well it was her choice, wasn't it?

Even if he was in as late as 6.30, that was early enough to go out.

It's just unfortunate he fell asleep.

Maybe she was OK with it.

apostropheuse Sun 16-Jun-13 20:57:23

Oh you really need to stay out of this. It's actually none of your business.

if your daughter needs your advice or help she will ask for it.

I do think you've massively over-reacted.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 16-Jun-13 20:55:43

Salmo, its not about the presents, its about the fact she was on her own all day and he had promised to take her out - i am surprised that people think this is acceptable

StraightJacket Sun 16-Jun-13 20:55:34

You seriously think she should leave him over that?

He probably didn't even plan on falling asleep and possibly does have a present to give and did have plans. Sometimes shit happens, and as an adult, you know you don't actually have to celebrate your birthday on the actual day or throw a hissy fit and a 5 year relationship down the drain

Just, wow. You really need to back off.

ParadiseChick Sun 16-Jun-13 20:55:02

But you said she's out with her friends too much, so hardly stuck at home.

I'm out without my dh a couple of times a month. My idea of a night out is too much Jack Daniels and roll ups and listening to bands. My husband idea of hell!

Hassled Sun 16-Jun-13 20:54:55

Agree that you need to stay well out of it and also agree that it's bloody hard when it's your little girl who's being treated like shit by a tosser. One of the hardest things I went through with my DD - I hated her (thankfully now Ex-)DP. The plus side, though, is that she knows that you'll be there for her when she needs it, which she will.

littlemisssarcastic Sun 16-Jun-13 20:51:15

As a general rule, do you actually like your DD's DP?

Doesn't sound like it warrants her LTB tbh, unless there is more to it, he's usually unreliable or your DD is unhappy with him.

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