to cut my mother off once and for all?(31 Posts)
Going to be long sorry in advance.
My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship, from the age of 9 it was very clear my sister was the favorite.
At 14 she threw me out for being a nightmare teen which I admittedly was (smoking dope and skipping school).
After having my DCs I reconciled with her for the DCs sake and moved over 100 miles so she could have a relationship with them.
My marriage broke up and she went against me again blaming me for the DV I recieved and she refused to talk to me for 6mths.
Anyway we reconciled again and got on ok until my Dsis moved back into the area since then its all gone tits up again.
Last week my mother visited and told me in front of my children that Dsis needs the help more than me as she is now a single parent (yet when I was I had no one and 3dc) and my mother helps her because she is a more likeable person not a horrible nasty liar like me, this all came about because I was admitted to hospital a couple of weeks ago at 28 weeks pregnant with a kidney infection and not one person asked how me or baby was so I put on facebook that I give up with people in general, which my sister saw and took it personally and told my mum her friend told her I'd been slagging them all off (I didnt and funnily enough said friend isnt on my Facebook so in other words Dsis saw it and played the I'm a bitch card).
Anyway I digress she slagged me off in front my DC and I am annoyed at that, ended up in hospital this weekend with contractions (30 weeks) which midwifes blame on stress and again not a single call or text to find out if me and baby are ok (yes she knows I was admitted and why).
Yesterday my DP arranged a beautiful surprise baby shower with my best friend for me, none of my family turned up, obviously my sister because she isn't talking to me about facebook, and my DP says he invited my mother weeks ago by text and she didn't even bother to respond to him with a yes or no and has ignored all contact by him about it.
She also said she only hasnt said what she thinks about me brutally because she wants to have a relationship with my DCs but then she obviously doesn't really give a fig.
So after all of this I am at my wits end she has in my opinion been extremely rude ignoring my DP (couldn't care that she didn't attend my baby shower but a simple no in response would have done) she doesn't like me and thats fine but I am thinking that I should just cut her off from both me and DC because of it all, I am worried that her slagging me off in front of the DC will cause issues in the future.
AIBU to text her and tell her that no further visits or contact with me or DC will be acceptable for the above reasons?
You can go low-contact first and that might be a good idea if you don't want her hounding you throughout your last trimester.
Don't invite her to your home, don't go to her home or your sisters but instead meet her at neutral locations like in a cafe or a park. Be careful of the information you share with her. If she asks how you are, you're fine. If she asks how the kids are, they're fine. Even if things are not fine, especially if things are not fine. Don't give her any foothold in your life. No ammunition to use against you later.
When you're around her, keep the conversation on neutral subjects, present a bland face and ignore any barbed comments she may make. You'll piss her off more by not rising to the bait than if you try and justify yourself and your actions.
You've been unwell in this pregnancy so you can claim to have extra doctors or midwife appointments. Birthday parties for your DCs at the weekend.
I have cut off my mother and truly I am not sad about it at all, in fact it's the best thing I ever did. After a lifetime of put downs, anger, never being good enough and having my character assasinated it was a relief tbh. I feel happier and free.
Like KellyElly I have cut off my mother and it's the best thing I ever did.
It was a hard decision to make but I'd finally had enough and just simply stopped all contact. I didn't announce it, just stopped making the effort - it's been about a year now and it has been great. I had no idea just how much damage a relationship with her was doing to me until it stopped. No-one can tell you if its the right thing for you or not, but if you feel like its the right thing to do, it probably is - some people (unfortunately) just aren't worth it, no matter how much you'd like them to be
Your DM and sis are nasty pieces of work. You would be better off with neither in your life. Also feel sorry for your DP. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, and take care of yourself.
They both sound awful and like others have said you will be better off without them in your life, I let go of some toxic people and a lot of stress went away with it. Good luck
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