to want a little bit less fuss made on his fathers day than mothers day?

(14 Posts)
Lionstigersandbears Sun 16-Jun-13 11:00:47

I've name changed for this as I know I'm going to get torn to pieces but I just need to vent!

DD is 5 and Dad sees her every other weekend. Mothers day this year I got a bunch of flowers, no card and DD was poorly so spent the day cleaning up sick. DD has told me that ex's insipid new girlfriend has arranged breakfast in bed, a big BBQ with his friends and all sorts of pressies for him today like he is some sort of hero for sparing a weekend twice a month.

The ex is constantly breaking promises and letting her down but of course I want them to have a relationship so I bite my tongue, but I do all the hard work!! AIBU because I didn't have a partner at the time to do the same for me this year????

MardyBra Sun 16-Jun-13 11:03:50

YANBU but you need to suck it up for your daughter's sake. She's only 5. She won't have made the connection between your day and her father's. She will appreciate everything you do when she's older.

Trills Sun 16-Jun-13 11:04:22

YAB petty, and you know it.

5 year olds can't organise much themselves, so of course the level of "fuss" made is going to depend the adults in the house.

New girlfriend probably just wanted to have a BBQ. Most of his friends probably won't be able to go because they will be doing things with their own children or their own fathers.

Trills Sun 16-Jun-13 11:04:47

If you want fuss on mother's day then you'll have to organise it yourself - plan a mother-daughter day of fun.

DumSpiroSpero Sun 16-Jun-13 11:05:01

I can totally understand why you're pissed off, but I guess that at 5 your daughter will enjoy it all.

And as she gets older she'll be able to spoil you on Mothers Day (and see her dad for what he is if he carries on being unreliable).

MardyBra Sun 16-Jun-13 11:06:03

When his new girlfriend realises he's a twunt, he won't get the same treatment next year.

DumSpiroSpero Sun 16-Jun-13 11:06:15

And if you're in the SE you can take comfort that it's supposed to be pissing down later grin!

MagicHouse Sun 16-Jun-13 11:06:28

Ah I can see how that must be annoying, especially if he lets your DD down, but I would really try to let it go. (I know you're probably doing that!) Next year on mothers day, arrange to have a day out with your DD and have a bit of fun - you don't need lie-ins and flowers to have a lovely mothers day!

Just tell your dd you hope she has a lovely day, and enjoy a bit of time for yourself today. flowers for you, it gets easier, and your DD will realise who she can rely on as time goes by.

ThoseArentSpiritFingers Sun 16-Jun-13 11:42:31

I'm sorting out stuff to spoil my DP on Father's Day, from his dd. up until last year, although they have been separated since DSD was born, they still sorted out Father's Day and Mother's Day presents for eachother. Up until last year where out of the blue she didn't sort anything for him, and didn't even let him see his dd on the day.

So this year I sorted out a card, a present and a wee day out for them. If the girlfriend wasn't doing anything who's place would it be to sort something out? Even a card? If you don't plan on doing it then I don't see anything wrong at all in the gf sorting out something nice for them

mrsjay Sun 16-Jun-13 11:45:06

your dd doesn't know you do all the hard work she will one day though YANBU to be pissed off but try and not show it and big showey BBQs is just that big and showey it means nothing,

DeckSwabber Sun 16-Jun-13 12:03:09

I think all the Mother's Day, Father's Day stuff is pretty meaningless. While they are little it is a nice opportunity to say 'this is mum's/dad's day' and encourage them to think about a treat for their parent. When they are old enough to have left home I hope it will remind them to call me or take me out to lunch once a year.

On the bright side, while I think organising a party seems pretty OTT, at least his girlfriend is doing something nice which very much includes your daughter. She might be nudging your ex into enjoying being a dad and therefor being a better one.

My ex has gone on holiday with his wife this fathers day, missing his regular weekend with his 3 children altogether. This is fine by me!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 16-Jun-13 12:30:58

It must be really hard for you. I think I'd feel as you do. You deserve praise and support (as do all parents) for all the hard work you put in, and for holding your tongue in front of your DD.

So I won't criticise you for venting, even though you are maybe U

DeckSwabber makes a good point

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 16-Jun-13 12:32:14

And I agree with Trill about planning your own treats with your DD on Mothers Day - you could make a real tradition of it

mrsjay Sun 16-Jun-13 13:06:08

Yes deckswabber did make a good point about the girlfriend perhaps she wants him to make an effort with his daughter even if a BBQ is a wee bit OTT , mothers day fathers day shouldnt be about who does what imo and as has been said next mothers day organise a day out for you and your DD go for lunch and just have a nice day together,

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