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To think he's got no right to be annoyed about this?

(33 Posts)

I came into a bit of money a couple of months ago through my grandmother. Dh has repeatedly said, its my money, i can spend it on what i like. Its still in my account and i haven't put it in the savings.

The camera broke last week, so i have used some of my money to replace it, we use the camera a lot, and i've spent the week researching and looking at reviews, picked the one i wanted, found the best deal and ordered it.

DH told me last night he 'isnt happy' that i didnt discuss it with him first, or at how much it cost (75 quid which was camera, case and sd card plus postage) and that i didnt give him chance to look on ebay for a better deal

hmm wtf?

Since when did 'its your money, spend it on what you want' turn into me needing to discuss buying a camera with him?

The camera that broke wasn't 'ours' it was actually mine, my brother gave it to me when dh and i were temp seperated a few years ago. So i have replaced my property out of my money. I'm not an idiot, i know how to find a good deal.

AIBU to tell him to STFU and that he's no place being annoyed with me, i'm an adult, it was a personal purhase and i dont need his permission.

trice Sun 16-Jun-13 16:53:27

My Dh loves buying techy toys and spends many happy hours researching each purchase. I am not bothered. So I would ask Dh to buy my camera to a certain budget, just because I know he would enjoy it and I don't care.

If he made a comment about anything I had already bought however I would tell him to go sit on a thistle. I am a grown up and am capable of making my own purchases without asking permission.

sameoldIggi Sun 16-Jun-13 16:44:43

What Londonman said.
Your dh is the maaaan, and as such only he can research technology and make suitable purchases.
As for it being a joint possession, surely items such as mobiles, cameras, ipods tend to remain the property of one of you, unless you had a "let's buy an ipad for Xmas" type convo.

mrsjay Sun 16-Jun-13 15:26:49

would he say the same thing if you bought a new mobile phone or a toaster for the kitchen does he think he should do like my DH and research for weeks a few days on gadgety things It is a camera not a new car it is your money there is nothing to discuss you bought a new camera I am not sure what he is going on about,

I did shelby, i told him i would be looking into replacing it.

lecce, some things may become shared, my camera is not one of them, just because i allow him to use it, doesn't make it shared property, it was my camera, end of discussion.

I may seem 'aggressive' because i dont appreciate being reprimanded like a child over choosing to spend my money on something of mine that broke, i feel patronised and i'm not going to be nice about telling him where to get off.

lecce Sun 16-Jun-13 13:10:20

Actually, I think you may be BU a little. From the information you have given, it doesn't seem to me that he is annoyed that you spent that amount of money on yourself, more that a jointly-used item has been replaced without his having had any input at all.

I can see his point - if dh and I had a camera that we both used a lot and then he bought a new one, I might be upset that I hadn't had any involvement in the purchase. (I wouldn't feel like that at all, but I can well imagine that some people would!) It is a little patronising of him to imply that you are incapable of finding a good deal, but maybe that isn't his real beef and he just wanted a say in the new camera.

I know you say you received the camera while you were separated, but I find that statement very UR, actually. Dh and I have a lot of stuff that we have had since before we were together, and that stuff is now 'ours', if it is an item that is jointly used. I think it's a bit, I don't know, odd, that you see the camera as yours, despite the fact that you both use it a lot and you are married.

Also, you do seem a bit aggressive in your posts - lots of talk of telling him to 'STFU' etc, seems a little out of proportion to what has happened.

Shelby2010 Sun 16-Jun-13 13:10:16

Actually I'm going to side with DH on this one. If this wasn't an impulse purchase, as your camera broke last week, then what would have been wrong with casually saying to DH 'I'm going to spend some of my money on a new camera'. If he then tried to dissuade you from the one you wanted, then use the 'Its my money & I want this one' line.

I'm not saying you needed to ask his permission, but assuming you live together I cant see why this didn't natuarally come up in conversation at some point. Maybe it's the poor communication that's actually bothering him.

Engelsemama Sun 16-Jun-13 12:43:30

My Ex-boyf went really funny with me because I bought a digital camera without asking him discussing what was best or researching online for the best deal. I still have no idea why - it was a camera for ME (he already had his own) bought with my own money. He was a bit obsessed with getting a good deal though and couldn't comprehend that I could not be arsed to search around for the best price.

I think if it was soemthing joint that you both use and look at everyday (like a pushchair, sofa or TV) then decisions should be made together, but when it's something that belongs to you, bought with your money, it's just controlfreakery to get annoyed.

LondonMan Sun 16-Jun-13 12:21:24

My guess is that he thinks he is better than you at researching gadgets.

Chipping, i picked a Which Best Buy within my budget that has some incredible reviews across the board on all the places that reviewed it, then went hunting for the best deal.

gorionine Sun 16-Jun-13 11:52:12

I would consider £75 as a large purchase on myself but that is irrelevant really; your money is your money and whether you desire to spend £2.50 or £250 is your business IMHO.

dangly131 Sun 16-Jun-13 11:47:34

£75 might be considered a large purchase for some people.

ENormaSnob Sun 16-Jun-13 10:47:43

Does he see the camera as a jointly owned item?

cees Sun 16-Jun-13 10:27:42

Oh tell him to grow up, YANBU.

DH bought a new camera recently, it cost loads.
I said " that's nice, dear " and prayed inwardly he would not insist on describing its inner workings in long and tedious detail. My prayers were not answered.

fluckered Sun 16-Jun-13 10:20:00

DH? presume you are married then. whatever about the camera (sont think u are b u its only a feckin camera not a ferrari) are you planning on keeping this money yourself? or is it for the family? have you kids? if he came into money would you expect him to keep it for himself?

pictish Sun 16-Jun-13 10:11:45

He either regards the money as his too, or he generally imagines you to be less capable of making good decisions than him.
Probably a good dose of both.

Tell him to belt up.

Maybe when he said it was your money to spend on what you like he was secretly hoping some would be coming his way.

BlackeyedSusan Sun 16-Jun-13 10:06:47

I would ask whether he was lying when he said it was your money and immply that you would now like to know whether his future utterances can be trusted.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sun 16-Jun-13 10:05:28

His 'points' are pathetic and not well thought out. He's grasping at straws, I wonder what his real issue is?

The only 'slight' point he might have had was if you were actually frittering the money away and would be annoyed with yourself if you did. If you were happy to fritter your money away then he still wouldn't have a point.

A grown man who bought a PS3 cannot, in any way, shape or form, call someone on buying a camera!

Buying a camera is definitely not frittering. My only concern would be if you have good a 'good enough' camera for that price. But then my cameras are hidiously expensive.

lookingbusy Sun 16-Jun-13 09:59:44

He's dragging up whatever he can to use as ammunition in an argument.

DH cancelled our cable tv package in an argument with their customer services over a bill. First I knew was when Peppa Pig cut out half way through an episode and DS started crying. I phoned them back and got it put back on immediately and didn't even mention it as I assumed he'd realise he'd been a twat.

Dackyduddles Sun 16-Jun-13 09:53:28

75? That's not large on a camera. Snakes alive I've seen lenses cost that alone and more! I thought you were buying a big ol Nikon like a paparazzo!

He's not very bright then is all I can surmise....

Whatalotofpiffle Sun 16-Jun-13 09:44:52

Oh dear, he is bu, backtracking on what he said

babyhmummy01 Sun 16-Jun-13 09:44:48

He is being an idiot frankly. I agree with the gadget post.

I would point out to him what upu have said here and tell him end of discussions tbh

his arguement seems to be that i went bananas at him when he rang the phone/tv/internet provider in a fit of pique over a bill and told them to come and take it out, and that when he bought a PS3 he checked with me first.

1) the phone/tv/internet affects the whole household and its only right that any changes to utilities are discussed by us first.

2)the ps3 was bought with PPI money we got back and i told him at the time he didnt need to ask my permission to buy anything with it as he'd paid the ppi in the first place, and he actually rang me to ask me which out of the two deals he was looking at did i think was the best.

He seems concerned about me 'frittering' my money away, which i appreciate, but buying a camera we're going to use for a few years (hopefully) isnt 'frittering'.

But anyway, i told him to MYOB and that i don't agree with him and left it at that.. he can be annoyed in his own head all he likes, i'm not listening.

Chattymummyhere Sun 16-Jun-13 09:34:56

I don't see his issue its stupid... You have money... You needed a new camera...

Hell I just say I'm ordering a new washer a new tumble dryer and a new sofa... Cost never gets asked I'm trusted to pick a good item at a good price, tbh I never told dh I was ordering a washer and a new dryer it was a given as ours had broken and all much more expensive than £75.

I think he feels left out and is jealous you have this money and he does not

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