Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

To offer this solution?

(4 Posts)
HerrenaHarridan Sat 15-Jun-13 22:59:13

Exp has cancelled contact today right at last min, me an dd were already on our way having bought a day ticket specifically. This is the 5th time in the 18weeks contact has been ongoing that he has cancelled with 2hours notice or less.

He is supposed to call the contact centre to cancel and they Should then inform me. This has never happened he has always text me direct which is a breach of his bail conditions. He has been reminded by the centre each time etc

So my potential solution is.

Tell him (through contact centre) that he must ring the centre the day before contact during their opening hours and confirm if he is coming the next day. They can then call me and confirm.

Pros,

I will know the day before hand and can make plans to take dd out if he cancels (as opposed to being halfway there)

He will have to contact the centre not me

Cons

He is they type that never has credit, a charge, change for call box, thinks to ask nicely to use a mates phone and I am worried that if I make it difficult for him he will stop bothering.

Thing is dd is 16mo now and doesn't really know either way yet but he has been late (by between ten and thirty mins) or ended early (by ten to twenty mins) all bar 2 of the 13 out of 18 sessions.
At some point all this is going to be very upsetting for her and I just want to minimise the upset for us both

AgentZigzag Sat 15-Jun-13 23:27:58

I have no experience of this whatsoever, but like you say, if she doesn't really know either way yet, it's probably a good idea to get things ironed out before she does.

Either he'll get his act together and start putting his responsibility to your DD first, or he'll not bother and will leave you alone long term.

Sounds like both of them will cause you shit, what a frustrating situation.

Breaching his bail conditions sounds pretty serious, why is nobody picking him up on constantly contacting you??

BeeMom Sun 16-Jun-13 00:48:46

If he has bail conditions that include contact, and is breaching them, then you NEED to have the contact through the centre only (and you need to refuse to accept contact from him as well - as "no contact" orders go both ways).

What does your gut say? If you make it a bit challenging, he'll give up? So - he is clearly not reliable, is this a routine you want to set your daughter up to accept? Sadly, if she learns that it is normal for men to behave like this, she will never expect more in her own relationships.

Think VERY critically about this - is he actually doing anything FOR his daughter? He has no-showed/short notice cancelled almost 25% of his visits, and shortened nearly all of the others. Clearly, he is not committed to his daughter. Maybe, once he screws his head on straight, he'll change his mind, but in the meantime don't let your little lady believe that this is all she is worth.

Frankly, it sounds to me like he is having a great time continuing to screw you over - he knows you have the time and money invested in the tickets before he cancels. Either he is an inconsiderate prick or he is doing it deliberately... but whichever it is, it is inappropriate (and if the direct contact doesn't stop, he'll DEFINITELY be unavailable for the visits, kwim?)

Who supervises the contact?

Who would you take any concerns to, is the Probabtion Officer involved in the contacts, in terms of monitoring attendance etc?

Or does your DD have a Children's Guardian?

Sorry for the questions, how it work sin my LA is that after the first missed contact ,without it being medical, a contract is drawn up with conditions in it. Both parents are asked to sign.

If the contract is not kept to, then contact is stopped and it is put back to the court, that is if the mother has objected to the contact to start with.

The point of contact in the Centre,is to safeguard but also so the parent can prove that they can put the child's need first and stick to routines etc.

We normally insist that the parent having contact turns up 30 minutes early, if they don't contact is cancelled.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now