Aibu about changing childrens names

(58 Posts)
Hardhaton Thu 13-Jun-13 17:13:10

I had my ds1 at 18 after being with his dad for 2 years. He left when ds1 was 6 months old and basically slept his way thro the nurses at the hospital he worked at. I met my h and went on to have ds2,3 and 4. He finally settled down with a woman who had a ds from a previous relationship and went on to have dd2,3 and 4.
I found out today that they have changed the step sons surname to my ex's. now I understand why as then they will all have the same name, however a few years ago my ds1 wanted to name change to my surname and be the same as his brothers. His df said no and went mental, it has never been brought up since.
Personally I find this unfair on my ds, he sees him when my ds wants to see him and since the age of 4 has been brought up by my h, who has given him everything, his df hasn't!
Aibu to be pissed off about this?

AmberSocks Thu 13-Jun-13 21:19:03

my kids all have my name,dh has his own surname.im not really why id di it in the first place but im glad i did tbh,unless you agree with the original reasons for changing yours and your kids names then i cant see why there is a reason for or against having the mothers name instead,for us it was just a personal choice.and i dont like his surname!

IneedAyoniNickname Thu 13-Jun-13 21:27:51

I wasn't married when I had my dss, but they have their dads name. We have since separated, so I will never have the same surname as them. Sometimes I wish I.did, but actually I'm their mum regardless of their name.

op Yanbu. My ex is in a new relationship with a woman with2 dc, plus they are expecting one together. My 2 have told me that after the wedding, her dc are changing their surnames, because it would be silly for them to have different names to everyone else in the house (assuming their dad aggrees that is) Now I can see the logic of this, BUT you can bet your bottom dollar that if I were to marry and want to change my dcs name, the ex would not allow it. Double standards, and wrong imo.

That said, I'd I do ever get married, I wouldn't change the dcs name, ad their dad is their dad.

PrincessScrumpy Thu 13-Jun-13 21:29:30

samandi I realise that which is why my next post says about the fact dc can have a preferred name at school without the father's consent. Not on legal documents etc but on the class register (the computer system we use in our county has space for legal surname and preferred surname). So he can't legally alter it but there are things he could do if he really wanted to feel part of the family in that way - might be an issue if they all go to the same school.

Also, speaking to the father about a double barrelled name might be more agreeable to him that losing his name entirely.

Hardhaton Thu 13-Jun-13 21:34:24

I would need permission as he has access which he sticks too and he has always paid his csa. Therefore he plays an "active" role with his son.

Hardhaton Thu 13-Jun-13 21:38:25

I intend to leave it until ds is old enough to change it himself. I never intended to change his name anyway, its just he asked to change it. In my opinion ds is old enough to understand his massive family, and everything that comes with 2 families. He's not unhappy he heathy and doing well at school. If he really pushed me on it I would bring it up again and sort it.

PrincessScrumpy Thu 13-Jun-13 21:40:48

The preferred name thing is more about child's wellbeing and what they want so permission isn't needed for that bit - in our county anyway.

Hardhaton Thu 13-Jun-13 21:43:01

No permission is needed if they have had no contact for 5 yrs and the csa cannot find him in this period. Then it can be legally changed without knowledge

samandi Thu 13-Jun-13 22:16:18

Thanks for clarifying that Hardhaton. BTW, YANBU to be annoyed.

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