To feel a little sorry for the 7 children benefits Mum.

(1000 Posts)
MilgramsLittleHelper Wed 12-Jun-13 11:19:38

www.itv.com/daybreak/hottopics/benefits-mum/

Is just seems like another bit of benefit bashing to me.

I know she shouldn't have had children she couldn't afford, but what hope of improving her lot???

catgirl1976 Wed 12-Jun-13 12:10:36

YANBU

I feel sorry for her.

We don't know what drove her to have 7 children. Perhaps she has emotional issues, perhaps she had an abusive DH who wouldn't allow contraception / termination. Perhaps she didn't have the cognitive or emotional capacity to make a decision not to have any more children.

We don't know. So why we think it's fine to judge the poor woman is beyond me.

McNewPants2013 Wed 12-Jun-13 12:11:13

Why can't she go to work.

BeauNidle Wed 12-Jun-13 12:11:21

Has this kicked off yet??? grin

Stupid woman. Stupid father/s. Poor children.

Perhaps she will go get a job now?
ItsallFeegle - It is the way people feel. And this is not a benefit bashing thread (yet) but bashing their irresponsibility as parents.

Floggingmolly Wed 12-Jun-13 12:11:37

Perhaps she should have attempted to "improve her lot" before having seven children?
A six bedroomed house is beyond the reach of most people.

ophelia275 Wed 12-Jun-13 12:12:02

Itsallfeegle. How is she "vulnerable"? That word gets bandied around way too much. She is getting £32k a year, tax free without lifting a finger. The real vulnerable ones are those that go out to work full time to earn a pittance in order to pay for people like her who abuse the system.

catgirl1976 Wed 12-Jun-13 12:12:45

Imagine the childcare costs if she did go to work.

Kaluki Wed 12-Jun-13 12:13:13

I struggle to make ends meet with both my DP and I in FT jobs but I'd much rather see a refreshing break from this continual bashing of the most vulnerable in society and focus on the bankers and tax avoiders instead.

This is so true. Always on Daybreak or in the Daily Mail - same old story rehashed over and over.
Of course it's wrong to be able to have that many dc and expect the state to pay for them but the tax avoidance by companies such as Amazon and Starbucks etc is also wrong and costs the country a lot more.

ShadeofViolet Wed 12-Jun-13 12:14:53

Imagine the childcare costs if she did go to work.

To be fair, the older ones may be able to help with that. The way the oldest DD was carrying the younger one in that clip looks like she was quite used to looking after him.

BeauNidle Wed 12-Jun-13 12:16:25

It doesn't always involve childcare costs.

Many people work shifts. Do the children see their fathers? He could have them and she could work a night or 2. No childcare costs involved. There are ways and means......

Davsmum Wed 12-Jun-13 12:19:08

I think the mother was not on her own when she had the 7 children. Her husband has only contributed an odd £5 or so here and there.

Some people find themselves in a situation they never planned. It IS daft and in some cases reckless.
As the mother said - getting a job is not THAT easy. She lives in one of the worst areas for unemployment through no jobs. She needs to re-train to improve her chances and she also has a child who has problems and some condition that means he is sent home from school often and at short notice.
If she does work, most of her earnings will go on childcare. Her earnings will probably be minimum wage.

The lady has not worked for 15 years - those years pass quickly when you have children. There could also be an issue of lack of confidence and fear.

No - its not ideal and yes, its a pain we have families in this situation but its very easy to sit back in judgement when you do not have those experiences yourself and to say 'well I do this and don't do that'

Good for you. Not everyone though has the education or the common sense that many of us are blessed with. Personally - I feel lucky that I am not in that position - I don't expect everyone to be as capable or sensible just because I am.

BaconKetchup Wed 12-Jun-13 12:20:03

Although tax avoidance from big companies is a problem, I also think of the economic benefits we get from big companies being established here, loads of employment, huge multiplier effect and injection into the circular flow, pushes up aggregate demand and aggregate supply...

People like this woman aren't really providing anything like that.

Davsmum Wed 12-Jun-13 12:21:21

Another thing - some people do not know HOW to manage - perhaps help in learning how to manage a budget better would be a start.

BeauNidle Wed 12-Jun-13 12:23:19

So when she had each of the 7 children, she was in a financial position at the time to raise them without expecting help? I very much doubt it.

The man on the scene was supporting them at the time of each of the births? I very much doubt that. If she has not worked for 15 years, she must have been relying on someone to help pay for them. Now who could that be?

Meanwhile Thames Water have paid no corporation tax on 145m profit. 2k a month is fuck all when you look at the companies at the top who are skanking the system in far more sophisticated ways.

burberryqueen Wed 12-Jun-13 12:26:17

the state obviously, as she had been led to expect.

abcdangel Wed 12-Jun-13 12:26:29

I feel sorry for the children, but not for the mother.

She's a grown up and contraception is free - it doesn't take much common sense or intelligence to realise that the more children you are going to have the more it's going to cost.

I'm the one who's coming to the realisation that I must be stupid - DH and I both work really hard to provide for our family - we chose to have 2 DC cos that's all we can afford. Makes me sick that she's moaning about getting £2k per month for doing NO WORK.

I'd rather my tax payer's money went on helping those people who desperately want just ONE baby but can't, rather than these irreponsible breeders who only get pregnant because they know that they will get paid.

BaconKetchup Wed 12-Jun-13 12:27:05

AKiss while corporation tax avoidance is also a problem, corporations bring huge benefits, loads of employment, huge multiplier effect and injection into the circular flow, pushes up aggregate demand and aggregate supply...

This woman isn't really providing any of that

burberryqueen Wed 12-Jun-13 12:30:18

she might have been brought up with only that expectation, which is sad for her.
her money helps the local shops i suppose.

BeauNidle Wed 12-Jun-13 12:30:25

Good post Bacon

dreamingofsun Wed 12-Jun-13 12:31:12

davsmum - i think she has learnt how to manage. she has sussed that in the past having loads of kids was her best chance to earn lots of money - albeit from the tax payer. Her issue is that the goalposts have now changed, messing up her strategy

boschy Wed 12-Jun-13 12:37:19

I pity the mother and the children TBH.

To have such a low expectation of life that all you can do is have more and more children (perhaps in a vain attempt to keep the man) is very hard. It must be hard work with 7 kids. And for the kids, their role models arent exactly exemplary are they? Absent dad, mum not working, yet another sibling year on year, for whom the older ones no doubt help pick up a lot of the slack.

I cant imagine that life is always a lot of fun, with no hope ahead.

ConferencePear Wed 12-Jun-13 12:38:18

I think it's time we stopped blaming the mothers for these situations.
When are fathers going to accept that it is also their responsibility to maintain their children ?

BeauNidle Wed 12-Jun-13 12:38:28

Well, for pretty much all of us, we have to change our lifestyle from time to time, to incorporate changes in our income and outgoings. She needs to get on with it, just like the rest of us. Or get a job.

Davsmum Wed 12-Jun-13 12:39:06

Beaunidle. Doubting is not knowing, is it? You are choosing to believe what suits you.

abcdangel - I think being a mother IS work.
Its easy to say what people 'should' do and 'should' know. Very easy indeed.
It would be ideal if we were all sensible and clever enough to do the 'right' thing - but we are not. Its also easy to judge but if you have no experience of someone else's life it is not that black & white.

I think this mother should receive help in budgeting and she needs educating in how to manage on less -Her husband should be made to do something to support his family. Simply condemning her for what she has already done is absolutely pointless and it surprises me that supposedly intelligent people are so judgemental.

ItsallFeegle Wed 12-Jun-13 12:39:47

There are women in abusive relationships who are continually forced to have children.

I work with vulnerable and hard to reach client groups and when someone engages with any of our services, a red flag is raised if they have a lot of children. It's a massive indicator (in my sector) of abuse.

No one here knows the background here but it's never black and white and what I've described could be one of a multitude of 'reasons' for this woman's situation.

I'd really love for people to inform themselves about the world we live in, rather than condemn because it's easy.

There but for the grace of God go I.

I certainly wouldn't want to be the single parent of 7 with one who has SN.

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