to think that I/we are being pushed out?

(383 Posts)
HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 17:35:15

Sounds very childish I know but I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive.

I have a group of friends who I see regularly and sometimes our partners also get together. Sometimes we go out as couples too. Another woman who I have known for a while but had a different friendship group had a falling out with her friends at the start of the year so we started inviting her and her husband out with us, I have always got on really well with her. Recently they (the woman in particular) seem to have really taken to a particular couple in the group (my close friend) and ask them out a lot - I have absolutely NO problem with this, they can go out with whomever they want obviously, but it seems to be a little secretive on her part, though my other friend tells me. I found out at the weekend that this couple are hosting a drinks party on Friday night and have invited other members of our friendship group apart from us. I feel stupidly hurt by this and although I will off course not say anything, as its entirely up to them who they invite to their house, I feel like we're being pushed put. I probably sound jealous and childish so accept im probably being ridiculous! Am I being oversentitive?

daisychain01 Wed 10-Jul-13 14:07:33

You handled it very diplomatically, Harry, really impressive. You kept your cool didnt over react or try to be negative to your existing friends about 'Wendy' and now you know who your true friends are and made a new friend as well. A great outcome, glad you feel better about things. Its the sort of thing that really hurts me because you try to be open, honest don't you, include people and no fixed agenda with people, but once in a while someone puts the spanner in the works.

But things always find their own level in the end!

themaltesecat Wed 10-Jul-13 13:40:15

Well done, OP!

I truly never knew such weirdos existed. It makes for chilling reading.

Hullygully Wed 10-Jul-13 10:40:44

hurrah for harry!

TheHuffAndPuffALot Sun 07-Jul-13 12:02:27

Oh thanks for the update Harry, I'd been thinking of you and your horrid situation since I first read the thread.

It looks like your friends can see through her too then? That's a relief.

Fingers crossed she'll get bored with not being the centre of attention soon enough, and leave you all in peace.

HarrySnotter Sun 07-Jul-13 09:52:51

I don't know if anyone remembers this but I thought I'd update developments! There have been lots of things going on over the last few weeks and interestingly, my Wendy seems to have shot herself in the foot slightly.

I've been very quiet about the whole thing, I decided that the best thing was not to react until I had really had a think about what was happening and what to do about it. I had my little do with new friend invited , who is absolutely lovely and I'm delighted that she's living round the corner now.

After the party I just decided to take a bit of a step back and watch what was going on and it seems it was the right thing to do. So far over the last 2 weeks, 3 of my friends have made little comments about Wendy being 'overbearing' and 'smothering' in her desperate attempts to be the centre of just about everything. She expects to be invited to every single little thing, even a spur of the moment coffee etc. Another friend mentioned she wasn't sure but thought she may be being manipulated. Through all this I have said very little as I want people to make up their own minds about her. So, I'm feeling positive about the whole thing, it seems if you give someone enough rope etc etc.

BearWithBearWith Thu 04-Jul-13 15:17:24

WOW I've just read this thread for the first time, thank you for bumping TheHuff.

I've been a victim to a Wendy which sadly lost me a few (apparently not so good) friends. I wish I had the wisdom of Mumsnet around at the time because even to this day I acutely feel the hurt, rejection, and, unfairness of it. I too felt like a bad person for being 'jealous' when it was nothing of the sort. I just had this Wendy pegged but no one around me did (or didn't care enough).

I'm very sorry you went through this Harry and I would be interested to hear how your friends have handled Wendy. Sounds like you have one ace friend there anyway.

Take care Harry - I really hope all has gone well. I admire the way you have handled it. And I'm grateful to all the posters with their fab advice on what is a very difficult situation. Thank you.

TheHuffAndPuffALot Thu 04-Jul-13 12:35:34

Bumping. What's the latest from Wendy, OP?

LucieLucie Sun 23-Jun-13 15:05:47

Only read first half of the thread but my blood is boiling so have to write! Bloody woman is being a total cow and is actively seeking to exclude you from your friends without a doubt!

But I get so angry because the only way to stop people like this in their tracks is for YOUR FRIENDS to stick up for you and tell her, sorry if op is not envited then we won't go as its not nice to leave her out!!!!! END OF!! Why are they allowing this to happen? Grrrr bloody women angry

FruitOwl Sun 23-Jun-13 13:12:51

Good for you Harry and good for your lovely friend for sticking by you!

I was unfortunate enough to live with a Wendy at university. She would constantly bitch about me to my best female friend and boyfriend, who also both lived with us. They didn't stick up for me because they didn't want to cause problems in the house apparently. After 2 years in which I thought I must be going mad I moved out and it was such a relief.

However my former best female friend is now godmother to Wendy's daughter while I wasn't even invited to her wedding last year. Still really upsets me to this day and it's been very interesting reading this thread as it makes it clear that Wendy knew exactly what she was doing.

Maybe we need to form some sort of Wendy victim support group?!

helenthemadex Sun 23-Jun-13 12:13:36

we need to know what Wendy is up to now has she moved on?

jollygoose Sat 22-Jun-13 19:54:26

sorry to but in after all these threads but so fascinating. Well done Harryand all you Wendy outers. Op please let us know how your bbq or party went.

iwantanafternoonnap Sat 22-Jun-13 19:48:43

we need an update OP

vintagecakeisstillnice Sat 22-Jun-13 16:33:17

bump

myBOYSareBONKERS Mon 17-Jun-13 19:03:31

OP - any more updates???

pictish Fri 14-Jun-13 10:37:14

I remember reading that book as a child.
Perhaps that's where the writer of the original Wendy thread got her name choice from?

ZacharyQuack Fri 14-Jun-13 10:31:11

For those that were wondering about the origin of "Wendy", I think it's from the Judy Blume book Blubber

WinkyWinkola Fri 14-Jun-13 10:25:02

Well she is a poisonous toad.

But in all honesty, you sound so strong and perceptive about it all.

You've shaken off any pally attempts by those two friends who fell out with Wendy. You've forged ahead. You've won. You do realise that? Like HarrySnotter.

Your oldest friends that Wendy is still swanning around with are clearly tossers.

pictish Fri 14-Jun-13 10:17:28

Yes...my closest female pal that ditched me for her at the time, fell out with her a couple of years later. She broke away from the group too. I did get apologies, but I had moved on by then, and didn't need her fairweather friendship. We are in very sporadic contact and are amicable, but she was awful to me, and I'm not lacking friends, so she's history.

The other close friend she was able to snatch away was a bloke, and they have since fallen out too. The rest of the group have pretty much outcast him at her behest. I don't talk to him at all...he was an utter shit to me at the time, because he had the biggest hard-on for Wendy ever, so his loyalty was firmly in his trousers. He thoroughly enjoyed ganging up against me, as he is an inadequate person himself, and after an argument which ended up with him slapping me across the head in order to impress her, I considered him dead.
He has made tentative attempts to contact me over the years, but I have ignored him.

So yeah...there are people who know who she is, but she is very skillful, and remains going about her life with my oldest friends.

CelticPixie Fri 14-Jun-13 10:02:53

From reading these experiences I suppose another way of describing a "Wendy" is as a shit stirrer. I've met many of them in my life, male and female. They load up all the bullets and then sit back and watch as it all kicks off around them.

WinkyWinkola Fri 14-Jun-13 09:58:47

Pictish, has nobody else clocked her for what she is?

Not one of your friends or another person she's Wendied?

Sounds like she is really jealous of you and fixated on you. sad terrible.

pictish Fri 14-Jun-13 09:54:39

Competitive you see, but no imagination. She gets a buzz out of being better at being you than you are.

Mine was a total chameleon. Never had an original idea in her life.

Mine also did more stuff to me after the initial big Wendy, where she nicked my oldest pals. I won't go into it because I feel that I have talked and talked about myself on this thread enough already. This is a subject I do get quite animated about.

Suffice to say, she is one to avoid forever and ever and ever.

garlicgrump Fri 14-Jun-13 01:04:51

My Wendy did one more weird thing after we'd split, pictish. She got in touch a year or so later, really quite desperate to meet up. When she arrived, she looked like me hmm After years of taking the piss out of my gym habit and beauty routines (this was a long time ago!), she'd copied the whole lot including my hairstyle. The weird part was the way she kept going on about it; she wouldn't shut up! My first thought had been "Oh, good for you, you've got fit and look slick," but it just got more & more obvious that she saw it as having stolen something from me ... Like she thought I had a patent or something on fitness and hair straightening, and should be outraged that she'd nicked it confused

The only reason she'd been so anxious to meet was to show me she'd adopted "my" style. Well, there was nothing original about it and I was highly bemused that she seemed to find it so special. I really, really, would not like to see what the world looks like from inside a Wendy's head!

Dubjackeen Thu 13-Jun-13 23:18:02

Oops, that should be a full stop beside the flowers, not a question mark. Apologies blush

pictish Thu 13-Jun-13 23:15:58

just like flicking through the ikea catalogue, i'll have your life thank you, now that you have assembled it for me.

Exactly like that.

Dubjackeen Thu 13-Jun-13 23:14:56

Well done OP, and well done to your good friend. On a light(er) note I know a girl at work called Wendy smile, she is lovely.
I really wonder what makes people like this tick? What satisfaction do they get from their behaviour?
Hopefully others in your circle will see through her. As others have said, just drop her, and say nothing, keep your dignity, just as you have done up to now. As the saying goes, it is a long road that has no turning flowers?

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