to think that I/we are being pushed out?

(383 Posts)
HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 17:35:15

Sounds very childish I know but I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive.

I have a group of friends who I see regularly and sometimes our partners also get together. Sometimes we go out as couples too. Another woman who I have known for a while but had a different friendship group had a falling out with her friends at the start of the year so we started inviting her and her husband out with us, I have always got on really well with her. Recently they (the woman in particular) seem to have really taken to a particular couple in the group (my close friend) and ask them out a lot - I have absolutely NO problem with this, they can go out with whomever they want obviously, but it seems to be a little secretive on her part, though my other friend tells me. I found out at the weekend that this couple are hosting a drinks party on Friday night and have invited other members of our friendship group apart from us. I feel stupidly hurt by this and although I will off course not say anything, as its entirely up to them who they invite to their house, I feel like we're being pushed put. I probably sound jealous and childish so accept im probably being ridiculous! Am I being oversentitive?

HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 21:01:21

and the very people you would usually turn to for advice are the ones she is manipulating so you can't say anything for fear they think you are mad and trying to create waves....you are really alone!!!

This is exactly how I feel. I'm really reluctant to say anything at all to any of my friends for fear of how it may make me look.

pictish Mon 10-Jun-13 21:01:21

SHG yy to everything you wrote there.

HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 21:02:24

Jeez I've never known anything like this, not even at school.

minouminou Mon 10-Jun-13 21:03:11

I had a male Wendy s few years back.....always trying to stir trouble between me and a particular female friend.

I lost my rag with the female friend one day after he'd told me she said some rubbish and totally called her out on it.
To find out this hadn't happened! We compared notes and realised we'd been played off against one another.
I ended up confronting him in the end....game over.

pictish Mon 10-Jun-13 21:07:48

Yes...I think the fb thing is designed to let YOU know that they are sharing something you are not.
It's outwardly innocent you see...a bit daft even! There's no other reason for it though. She knows you can see it. She's drawing them in and pushing you out. I have no doubt about this at all.

I can well imagine someone who has never experienced the wrath of Wendy reading this thread and thinking 'what a load of paranoid crap - grow up!'

I would far rather have paranoia frankly.

HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 21:07:57

Well I'm off to get some work done. I'll report back in a day or two if anyone's interested in an update. Thanks for all the advice, I've gone from wanting to just do nothing to actually wanting to deal with this now so thank you.

GladbagsGold Mon 10-Jun-13 21:08:03

I'd write on her Facebook wall 'x y and z and I were chatting and they said Friday night is party night, sounds great, what shall we bring?'

She will hate that you've been talking to the friends she is trying to steal. But can't publicly uninvite you. And also can't say 'look she's inviting herself to things' as you are backed up by x y and z and she would look mean leaving you out.

SwishSwoshSwoosh Mon 10-Jun-13 21:08:04

Happened to me too once, had never experienced anything like it before, even at school.

Luckily it was with a newish group not really old/close friends. Weird but seemingly all too common.

Hope you get a good outcome. That other Wendy thread was very sad.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp Mon 10-Jun-13 21:09:02

Agree you need to nip it now, OP, like Now!! Call her out about Friday in front of people, witnesses essential, and stand your ground. Don't let her take over. Trust your instincts.

minouminou Mon 10-Jun-13 21:12:02

Thing is.... (and sorry to use the same delightful sort of analogy, but this woman is a massive spraffing cock)....this FB post is her peaking too soon.

A few people will be wondering why she's publicly drawn attention to something like a text message. Not an email, or a PM, but a bleeping, flashing text message.

frumpet Mon 10-Jun-13 21:14:28

I wonder if wendy is on here and has noticed this thread and is going at your friends guns blazing via text ?

GenuineBrunetteRoots Mon 10-Jun-13 21:14:29

My 'Wendy' always wrote on my friends' FB walls too. It's definitely done for effect and so that you see it, otherwise they'd just send a text, or make a phone call

CelticPixie Mon 10-Jun-13 21:16:26

Why post on Facebook that you've sent three people a text message? It's like she wants to draw attention to it. Stupid cow.

You soooo need to call her out on this in front of all your friends, all dressed up in your own concern and hurt.

You need to ask her directly why you were excluded, have you done something to upset her (concerned face) and then say you might be feeling a bit fragile/paranoid about it all but it seemed especially with the FB message about the text, that it's almost like she's deliberately trying to let you know you are excluded (puzzled/hurt face).

And you need to do this ASAP - the very next time you're all together.

minouminou Mon 10-Jun-13 21:19:51

I'd ignore the FB post altogether and just ask about the party. Don't say you're feeling fragile etc, as she'll be all over that....you'll end up being made to look fragile and paranoid. When in fact, she's a massive knobber.

minouminou Mon 10-Jun-13 21:21:25

Just stick to hard facts....you're definitely not invited. Just work with that. The stupid FB post might be about her galloping thrush (I hope) for all you know.

onedev Mon 10-Jun-13 21:22:38

Thankfully not me personally but I have seen it with other friends - it's crazy. What is it with people (seemingly women!) that makes them act this way??

Personally I agree with everyone who says to confront her on it in front of everyone & ask 'innocently' what you've done to offend as you're very upset at being excluded when you've no idea why.

Good luck Op.

Good luck Op.

HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 21:23:20

I'm almost too embarrassed to mention this now as you'll wonder why I never said earlier but I received a really unpleasant anonymous letter last week warning me about my friend (my closest friend). At the time I had no idea (or was perhaps in denial) who might have sent it but it's pretty obvious to me now who it was. I feel like such a fucking idiot.

pictish Mon 10-Jun-13 21:23:38

Agree with min.

Don't mention the fb thing...it will just convolute the main point and add to the idea that you're a bit paranpid.

Get straight to the heart of the matter. "Have we done something to offend?" asap in front of everyone. Pleasant and concerned...pleasant and concerned...but make that point.

minouminou Mon 10-Jun-13 21:25:11

Ok, my love. Your friend needs to see that letter.
Can you give us the bare bones of it?

carabossse Mon 10-Jun-13 21:25:41

Maintain your friendships otherwise Wendy will hint, and they'll agree , that you're not interested in socialising at the moment / too busy / being odd etc. And it'll be easier for everyone to follow Wendy 's lead and stop inviting you. No-one will do it consciously, it'll happen, and they'll feel it was nothing they did, you chose to disappear.

Any chance of finding out from her last victim how they managed to oust her from that group? I suspect someone spotted her as a Wendy and curtailed her plans.

Also do not be cautious of letting your friends know what's happening e.g. not being invited to events etc. Their loyalty is at the moment still with you. Let them know factually what she does with a "I can't think why, can you?" air. Also expect her to be faux-friends in public, don't be taken in by that, but use it to your advantage. E.g. if enquiring if you're invited, do it publicly.

Somethingtothinkabout Mon 10-Jun-13 21:25:52

Did you mention the letter to your close friend OP?

Or to Wendy?

I would mention it to your friend. What did it say?

CelticPixie Mon 10-Jun-13 21:26:06

Have you told your friend about the letter, Harry? I'd show it to them. What kind of fucking nutjob does something like that? She sounds more like a bloody psycho to me.

You may want to check with this friend. Has she had an unpleasant letter about you?

Maybe by talking with her about it you don't need to mention any names or even hint, but just suggest that someone close to you both seems to be trying to drive a wedge between you. It may be enough to set her alarms ringing too.

Have you showed your friend the letter?

That's actually really quite sinister. Do you know any of the ex-friends who she had a falling out with? Any chance of getting any info from them about what happened?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now