to think that I/we are being pushed out?

(383 Posts)
HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 17:35:15

Sounds very childish I know but I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive.

I have a group of friends who I see regularly and sometimes our partners also get together. Sometimes we go out as couples too. Another woman who I have known for a while but had a different friendship group had a falling out with her friends at the start of the year so we started inviting her and her husband out with us, I have always got on really well with her. Recently they (the woman in particular) seem to have really taken to a particular couple in the group (my close friend) and ask them out a lot - I have absolutely NO problem with this, they can go out with whomever they want obviously, but it seems to be a little secretive on her part, though my other friend tells me. I found out at the weekend that this couple are hosting a drinks party on Friday night and have invited other members of our friendship group apart from us. I feel stupidly hurt by this and although I will off course not say anything, as its entirely up to them who they invite to their house, I feel like we're being pushed put. I probably sound jealous and childish so accept im probably being ridiculous! Am I being oversentitive?

HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 20:35:48

Ok ladies, how bad would this be. I've been talking to another friend who isn't from the area and doesn't know any of these people and she's suggested that I text Wendy and ask her if there's anything in particular that she would like me to bring to her drinks party on Friday?

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 10-Jun-13 20:35:58

Could you ring up your best friend from the group and ask if she fancies going out on Friday. when she then says 'oooh what about Wendy's drinks' you can say, what I was nfi.

And let it be known that wendy has excluded you. Because if I was your friend in this situation I would be very hmm at wendy.

HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 20:38:20

MrsCB My closest friend knows already because she was talking about it this morning and asking me what I was going to wear (she assumed we'd be there). She looked mortified to be honest.

pictish Mon 10-Jun-13 20:39:04

Had I known then what I know now, or had a fraction of the confidence I now possess, I'd have seen her off right at the very beginning, no fucking about.

Once they're 'in' they are very hard to deal with though. They work quickly and skillfully, and of course, the only person who can what is really going on, is the very person they want to discredit, so that fact even works in their favour.

Night. Mare.

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 10-Jun-13 20:39:57

Well that's good. I would casually let everyone know you weren't invited and let them draw their conclusions.

And I would stop inviting wendy to stuff too.

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 10-Jun-13 20:42:22

Yes, reading what Pictish said, I think I'd say to some of the others that you're very upset at not being invited. You are not being childish at all.

And best to say something now.

Justfornowitwilldo Mon 10-Jun-13 20:42:56

You could just turn up to her drinks thing as if you had been asked.

HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 20:43:53

We have a couple of events coming up that we'll both be at; a wedding, theatre trip, 40th birthday party. Do I be excrutiatingly nice to her over the next few months and just make sure I'm around as much as possible in the hope she'll get bored or do I ask her what the fuck she is playing at?

minouminou Mon 10-Jun-13 20:44:21

Whereyouleftit talks sense here. This bloody woman is relying on social niceties and on people being polite....call her on it. Make her justify her actions. If the avenues I suggested aren't possible....go for ^ these ones.

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 10-Jun-13 20:45:35

Personally, I'd talk to your friends first and ask what they think you should do. Honestly, at this stage she's not close to them and their loyalty will be with you.

RaspberrySchnapps Mon 10-Jun-13 20:49:26

ask her. point blank. repeat as necessary but only with her, with friends witnessing if possible. people like this operate on the basis that you won't say or do anything. Try not to raise the matter with your friends, behave as normal or you are arming her to label you a whiner/bitch/backbiter.

HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 20:50:16

Just logged on to Facebook. She's written a wall post to three of our friends telling them that she's sent them a text. That's just weird.

maddening Mon 10-Jun-13 20:52:06

you need a game plan - to bring your friends closer to you again and topple Wendy without her realising you are on to her ...

I would start with your best friend - a weekend away just her, you and one other. Get things booked in her diary. Has she any birthday or celebrations soon?

what is it Wendy is doing to find favour at the mo with this friend? What do you have in common with friend that Wendy def doesn't have (in order to ensure Wendy can not invite herself along).

am sure that mm can come up with a fab strategy (and with the followers of Allan behind you you can not fail).

pictish Mon 10-Jun-13 20:52:12

Do not underestimate the lengths these women will go to, to make themselves indispensible to the right people. They are chameleons of the highest order, changing their skin to blend in with their chosen surroundings.

I wouldn't say anything to your friends behind her back but I'd ask her straight out in front of everyone if you've done something to warrant being excluded.

I'd also find a way to uninvite her from the BBQ, perhaps by just never getting round to confirming the details/date/time with her.

minouminou Mon 10-Jun-13 20:53:03

I think this is going to blow over very quickly.
Who else thinks this bird has shot her wad already? That's very attention-seeking. OP....do nowt for now.

minouminou Mon 10-Jun-13 20:54:11

Nowt about the FB post text thingies, that is.

pictish Mon 10-Jun-13 20:54:42

Is one of those recipients of her all important text, your good friend?

minouminou Mon 10-Jun-13 20:55:42

Or the friend you spoke to today....the one who was mortified?

minouminou Mon 10-Jun-13 20:56:41

We need an official MN Wendy Action Plan.

VikingLady Mon 10-Jun-13 20:57:21

I agree with DrGoogle about asking her what you have done to offend her in front of everyone else

I've been in this situation too, and this worked a treat. She really didn't know what to say. I pitched it as being confused and a bit upset to think that I could have maybe said something tactless - I got a lot of sympathy from people who had begun to suspect this girl was a Wendy.

FB message sounds a bit juvenile.

pictish Mon 10-Jun-13 20:57:34

We do don't we?

SplitHeadGirl Mon 10-Jun-13 20:58:02

Yes, Pictish, it is almost impossible to completely get over it because there are no answers as to WHY she targets YOU, and you are left wondering....and the very people you would usually turn to for advice are the ones she is manipulating so you can't say anything for fear they think you are mad and trying to create waves....you are really alone!!!

I really urge the OP not to just let it go. The Wendy won't let it go, and years later it will STILL hurt is she doesn't deal with it now.

Like you, I still have feel crap about it all twenty years later. I still see her face, clear as day, and how she made me feel comes flooding back to me.

RaspberrySchnapps Mon 10-Jun-13 20:58:19

MrsCB just read your post and we are talking at odds but both trying to give good advice grin . I think the thing with a Wendy is she will be running her socks off doing stuff with/for the friends. If at the same time, Harry complains to the friends about the Wendy they may not see the problem and Wendy can then be VERY hurt and insulted that Harry has said this about her to everyone and blackened her good reputation. And she will get away with it because she is right, Harry has complained about her behind her back. Its genius and insidious.

I have just come out of one of these 'friendships', this Wendy drove a wedge between me and a good friend without me and the friend saying a word to one another, while Wendy told us we had problems with each other but 'didn't want to get involved'. The problems didn't even exist, all fabricated but the damage was done and 6 months later she is friends with my friend and I am a troublemaker apparently.

HarrySnotter Mon 10-Jun-13 20:58:41

Yes, one text/message was to the one I'm closest too. And I think you're right Pictish, she says whatever the person she is with wants to hear.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now