To think pretty people are automatically treated better regardless of personality?

(67 Posts)
Sparklypinknails Sun 26-May-13 21:50:25

Mulling this over and I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable to think this? Im thinking in particular of pretty people who are nasty a lot of the time yet still seem to be popular and well liked whereas an ugly a less attractive person would not be forgiven for being nasty so easily or quickly and would not be as popular as a result.

I have just seen the phrase 'marrying well' and have got myself into such a knot of indignation about it that I am going to have to go away and sit in a darkened room. I have also forgotten what I was going to say about prettiness....

Wuldric Mon 27-May-13 13:45:19

I thought that had been proven - I think there is some data on it somewhere - but yes, more attractive people are treated better.

zonetwo Mon 27-May-13 13:40:04

I'm not sure. At work I think ability and overall competence prevail. As far as the beautiful children go I recall a girl in my year at high school who modelled and was in adverts, magazines, etc. She and her friend were the most beautiful in the year, held court and got most attention at 12/13.

Fast forward five years and the plainer, quieter, clever girls had lost their braces, their glasses and were off to uni to spread their wings.

Those two stayed in the provinces - married the local big mouths - divorced the local big mouths - still think tthey are fabulous but outside their narrow, comfort zone both are pretty pathetic.

Callycat Mon 27-May-13 13:21:47

I can believe it, LazyJaney. As someone said earlier, it could be the difference between "beautiful" and "attractive". The former might be connected to (say) facial symmetry or evolutionary markers of good health. The latter is far more to do with how you move your face when you're speaking, how you look at people, carry yourself, and whether people feel comfortable in your company.

Also agree with the poster who said some people are just good at convincing others that they are beautiful. There are quite a few so-called beautiful celebrities for whom I just can't see it Brad Pitt

Lazyjaney Mon 27-May-13 12:40:37

There's a lot of evidence confirming this, but there is some very interesting research that surfaces every so often that self confidence can drive attractiveness, rather than vice versa. Also just changing your looks - clothes, hair, etc - can have quite a major impact on peoples reaction to you I have found.

I also think there is a natural attraction nearly all young women have (being nubile) that cannot be copied.

WafflyVersatile Mon 27-May-13 11:26:54

pros and cons, and also a lot of complex interplay. It's difficult to separate out physical good looks from all the other factors which influence how people react to you.

Overall if you control for all other factors you probably get more positive reactions from other people if you are a 9 rather than a 2, or a 7 rather than a 6 etc.

Saski Mon 27-May-13 11:19:09

Pretty people most definitely have an easier time in life.

I think that women who are actually beautiful, but not beautiful enough to make a living off their looks (model/actress/whatever) have some difficulty career-wise and generally just wind up marrying well.

Hamishbear Mon 27-May-13 11:12:04

Penelope Lively observed that life happens differently for a beautiful woman than a plain one & often takes a different direction. Certainly the stand out attractive women I know of lead far from ordinary lives. I notice those that were blessed with good looks as children often become very confident adults. Those plain as children that blossom later often lack confidence in their looks and more broadly.

People respond much more positively to good looking children I've noticed.

Samu2 Mon 27-May-13 10:05:00

And I will never forget the time I went to my local pub and how people reacted to a seriously stunning woman.

Every week they have a band where people get up to sing with them and usually the regulars all clap along etc when this stunning woman sang (with a stunning voice to match) quite a few people rolled their eyes, grabbed their husbands hands and she got very few claps. The jealousy was amazing and sad to watch. The whole atmosphere just changed, it was so interesting to watch.

I talked to her afterwards and said how much I enjoyed her singing and she was so lovely, and I felt quite sad for her.

Samu2 Mon 27-May-13 09:56:36

I think beautiful people get a lot more privileges and get away with a lot more than average looking people, yes.

However, they also get more bitchiness and stereotyping than us average people so it all evens out I guess.

PrettyKitty1986 Mon 27-May-13 09:52:56

Of course they are. We have the most beautiful girl on our team in work. A complete stunner (and naturally so, no make-up etc). People stare at her when she walks past.

Whenever we want something (the team that is) like an early finish or extra overtime - we 'send' her to ask our male manager or male HR head. Because through trial and error we've discovered that she gets a yes a LOT more often than the rest of us.

She is also a lovely girl and very humble about her beauty. But willing to take one for the team and flutter her eyelashes to get us perks smile . Very handy lol. It's just a fact.

cory Mon 27-May-13 09:21:58

Remembering my own school years and now looking at dd's friends, I think the ones who have social success are not necessarily the most beautiful ones. And, as thebody suggests, perhaps even less so now than in my day.

Yes, queen bees got attention, but you could set yourself up as a queen bee without much in the way of looks to back you up if you had the queen bee personality. Otoh somebody who was incredibly beautiful wouldn't be elected queen bee by others if she didn't so to speak run for election.

It was also possible to have a leading position without being either beautiful or the queen bee type; the most popular person I ever knew was overweight, with plain heavy features, but the most amazing fun: she could get any boy she wanted and everybody wanted to be her friend.

Not that I have ever been either stunningly beautiful or a social success.

SinisterBuggyMonth Mon 27-May-13 03:02:48

When I was younger, thinner, and prettier I had alot of male platonic friends, who all seem to have disappeared (but for fb) since life/motherhood/cake altered my appearance for the worse. I do now have more female friends.

I'vend not changed my personality since then, I was and excema ridden kids, so quickly learned tom win people over with humour instead and have stayed with that's ever since. But with bitchy pretty people I personally have not seen anyone make allowances for peoples bad behaviour for there good looks since school.

squoosh Mon 27-May-13 02:58:45

News Flash: Life is easier if you are beautiful.

End of report.

Mimishimi Mon 27-May-13 02:38:53

No, not really, people tend to automatically think you are up yourself or shallow. Sometimes you get a feeling of actual hatred from other women too. I have some gorgeous friends who are lovely on the inside too.

StuntGirl Mon 27-May-13 02:34:24

Of course it's true. Sucks for everyone who isn't pretty, but it doesn't make it any less true.

Although I tend to find that the pretty but nasty ones are not genuinely liked, but people will put on a front around them and act like they like them regardless.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 27-May-13 01:02:55

I'm quite sure the bit where she said I'm thinking of the pretty ones who are nasty lots of the time, or words to that effect made it clear.

BridgetBidet Mon 27-May-13 00:53:48

Oh FFS. We all know that no matter how good looking you are if you're shit in bed it doesn't matter a twig anyway.

BridgetBidet Mon 27-May-13 00:52:19

unapologetic Oooooh the OP made that so clear with the title of the thread did she?

If she'd titled the thread 'AIBU to think ugly people are automatically treated better' because of some kind of logic about them being less likely to have maternity leave etc you'd have people up in arms tweeting Caitlin Moran in their outrage.

But have a go at pretty people, that's fine. I happen to be of the Julie Burchill school of though were every time I see a beautiful girl I want to stand up and cheer, not rip her to shreds.

Aitchy Mon 27-May-13 00:31:45

squoosh, that is exactly what she was like. Very overbearing and totally insufferable.

The course we were doing was beauty therapy and we had to do a lot of practising in pairs. I used to really hate it when I was allocated her as my partner as she'd spend the whole double lesson talking about herself whilst she plucked my eyebrows or did a facial on me.

She had a really, well I suppose it was clever, knack of making out that everyone else was totally ugly, whilst bigging herself up, but it was done in a very smiley, cutesy way and it would be quite hard to tell until you analysed the conversation a bit what she had meant.

TinBox Mon 27-May-13 00:30:07

Yes, Aitchy - particularly amongst younger women/girls. It's the ones who made the most effort who were generally regarded as the best looking. Which is more egalitarian really, in a way, so probably a bit nicer/fairer, I suppose.

squoosh Mon 27-May-13 00:28:52

I quite admire the chutzpah of someone who can do that Aitchy, don't want to spend any time with them though, they're generally quite overbearing and insufferable!

Morloth Mon 27-May-13 00:28:05

I think you can be attractive without being beautiful.

They are not necessarily the same thing.

Think about the diverse range of 'looks' people find attractive.

For instance, I like my men big, hairy, muscular and with just a bit more padding than is currently considered good. My good friend likes skinny, pale and interesting.

So if we were looking at the same man we would have different opinions as to whether he was attractive or not.

Aitchy Mon 27-May-13 00:24:53

Has anyone else ever also come across someone that isn't particularly good looking, but is so full of themselves and pushy that they manage somehow to convince others that they are beautiful.

I knew a girl at college who was like this; average looking really, dressed up like a dog's dinner most of the time, and constantly talking about herself and how this bloke fancied her and that bloke did, and such-and-such had approached her in the street to tell her how pretty she was.

It was quite a weird situation, and a few years later two others on our course actually said to me that they too had never thought that she was beautiful but had gone along with it.

It was like the Emperor's New Clothes

Morloth Mon 27-May-13 00:23:52

I think it is probably true to some degree.

Though I am not particularly attractive (never have been) and DH has noted that people often seem to fall over themselves for me.

I think it is because I probably a bit manipulative and I am very good at reading people/situations. So if I want something from someone I can usually figure out how to get it and make them feel good about it as well.

Very few people are actually noticeable at either end (i.e. either very beautiful or very ugly) and even those ideas are flexible.

Outliers will be treated differently, people prefer the 'average' IMO.

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