To think that if you receive a wedding present, you should say thank you?!

(112 Posts)
frissonpink Sun 26-May-13 18:31:44

Just that really.

No card. No letter. No phone call. No fb message even!

Just no thank you.

Her wedding was 4 months ago. Just had lunch today with another friend who was a guest, and she asked me if I'd received a thank you , because she hadn't. Both of us had sent cheques for £50 and gifts.

The cheques were cashed incidentally the day after the wedding!

She's a good friend (old school friend). Do we mention it? Or just leave it.?

cantbloodywellchoose Tue 28-May-13 19:06:37

YANBU. It's bloody rude to leave it that long. Longest we've 'waited' is 3 months and I thought that they may as well have not bothered by then.

Bearbehind Tue 28-May-13 18:59:41

I think the people trying to justify that 6 months to send out a thank you card is ok might be the ones that were bridezillas before the wedding.

It is a very mememe mentality and doesn't really reflect the spirit of saying thank you, ie it should be pretty soon after the event rather than being on a posh card.

I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have been happy with people turning up 10 minutes late for the service or maybe popping to shops between the service and the reception because they lead such busy lives they couldn't possibly fit it in at any other time.

Of course, it is better than not bothering to send them at all.

Ragwort Tue 28-May-13 18:19:24

Wow, I agree six months is very rude long. How would you feel if people took six months to reply to your wedding invitation in the first place?

And agree with whoever said £100 on stamps is a lot - but people will happily spend thousands on one day and a load of unnecessary 'extras'. Surely you just factor in the cost of stamps, thank you cards etc into your overall budget.

Snugglepiggy Tue 28-May-13 12:35:20

6 months for me seems far too long to leave it to say thank you - no matter how personalised the card.I too would prefer a more prompt acknowledgment just so we know our gift sent through a store gift list service actually arrived safely,and was appreciated.
Therefore I'm now wondering wether we will get a thank you from a wedding we attended several weeks ago.If not I will think it's rude.After all they had our address to send out 'save the day' cards ( What a waste and a duplication IMO - we'd already been told the date verbally and what's wrong with just an invitation.That was always sufficient.)Then we got the invitation with a small gift list choice but carefully worded to imply all they really wanted was money.We chose a gift from the list.Call me old fashioned but they have lived together for ages, have a child and both in well paid jobs so hate giving money.
Really any than you - by e-mail or text - is better than none.

chickenfactory Tue 28-May-13 12:05:48

Yup 400+ guests. Two big catholic families. grin And I wanted a few pics on the cards so wanted to chose from all my lovely photos. Daft now but very important bridezillaesque at the time.

frissonpink Tue 28-May-13 11:51:28

Here's the thing though..

If you know you're going to use a professional photo, why don't the couple just inform the photographer as such, and get one photo to them quickly? It really can't be that difficult hmm

Personally, I'd rather receive a 'cheapo' M&S pack of 8 thank you cards with a lovely handwritten message inside, promptly after the affair than some photographic thing 6 months later!!! Both will ultimately (probably) end up in the recycling bin anyway, surely?

The cost of stamps is mad, I agree. But let's be honest, even at over £100, that's only the amount of one cheque that the bride managed to cash! grin

And 200 to write? Really? That's 400 guests!!! Most people are in couples/twos? Wow. In that case, I think you're excused wink

pussycatwillum Tue 28-May-13 11:49:02

Just realised we didn't get a thank you from the wedding we went to in November.Bother. Wish I hadn't read this now.

chickenfactory Tue 28-May-13 11:30:35

I took 6 months to send my thank you cards, I did want nice wedding photos on them so had to wait for photographer to send us photos, then get round to ordering the cards. We also had a huge wedding so had about 200 to write - so that took about a month as I wrote something on everyone's! Was worth the wait in my opinion as people have said how lovely they were and how nice it was to receive.
Have had plenty generic ones myself so wanted to make the effort. OP hope the bride is going down this route rather than nothing at all!
Also received gifts months after wedding, so within the year is acceptable to me.

Badvoc Mon 27-May-13 18:10:35

I have never recieved a thank you card after a wedding gift, not even from my own siblings (£100 chq in each case)
I sent them after mine (14 years ago), but tbh now I just use text, email or phone.
The cost of stamps is mad, and the card choice isn't great.
To send the number of thank yous today that I sent back in 1999 it would cost over £100!!
Madness.

Hubb Mon 27-May-13 18:02:38

I've only received one thank you card in all the weddings I have been to. the rest of them, not even a text or anything to acknowledge the gift.

Maybe it is the norm now but I am not happy about it! I sent cards albeit a good few months after my wedding, and still feel paranoid in case any got lost in the post or anything, I hate the thought of not acknowledging/thanking for a present!

I would be happy with a just a text.

frissonpink Mon 27-May-13 17:47:26

whoknows sad Yes, I heard that too, although I thought she was stood on a rock and slipped? Awful either way.

mythumbs Well, we were a little hmm that we hadn't actually been invited to the wedding...even more so when the bride spent all of the evening with us. God knows who the actual day guests were - friends of Dad by the look of it. But we'd never ask why we weren't invited. Guest lists are a minefield!

However, she has gone down massively in our view now. As you say, rude and entitled! And thinking on, she never said thank you for a very expensive dress I bought her daughter as a christening present...

Whoknows that's awful :-(

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Mon 27-May-13 17:38:21

Evening do only invite to a cash bar, and a poem asking for cash in with the invitation? Rude and entitled. They don't sound like the sort of couple to think of writing thank you cards.

Do they have any redeeming qualities as friends?

*at not but

There was an article in the news last year about a bride and groom posing in a river like that and the bride was swept away, she couldn't swim with the weight of the wet dress and died sad.

Slightly off topic but I once saw a thank you photocard on my friend's fireplace where the bride and groom had put their wedding outfits back on and waded into the water (on honeymoon) and staged a pensive embrace/staring into each others eyes waist-deep in water. It just struck me as utterly ridiculous and OTT

But still, but least they said thank you grin

PaperSeagull Mon 27-May-13 17:13:27

I also think that thank you notes should be personal and specific, i.e. refer to the actual gift that was given. A generic "thank you for the gift" is better than nothing, but it means a lot to people if you mention the present they put time and thought into choosing for you.

frissonpink Mon 27-May-13 17:13:02

grinBalloonSlayer Love it.

I did initially think maybe she'd sent a card and it had got lost, but given there's two of us who have heard nothing, I think that's unlikely!

pictish Ouch. That's just unbelievably rude.

I had a disaster after my wedding. We were burgled the week after our return from honeymoon. They had obviously been watching the house. The insurance company were bad to deal with, so we had to sort out everything ourselves. It took months and we were back working full time then. We didn't even send Christmas cards that year. I've never before nor since not sent thank you cards, but we tried to thank people verbally but I am sure we missed people out. I still feel bad and the wedding was 2000!

BalloonSlayer Mon 27-May-13 17:05:52

We know you've got our present
Because you cashed the cheque
If you can't be arsed to thank us
I'm afraid it's Off You Feck

pictish Mon 27-May-13 16:59:50

I went to a good friend's wedding a couple of years ago.
I had them a bespoke present made by a local craftsman. It cost a fair amount, but she's a good friend and I knew she would love it.

Handed the package over at the wedding, and never heard another thing about it. No thanks...nothing.

Wish I hadn't bothered, and sadly, won't do that again.

Binkybix Mon 27-May-13 16:55:26

Yep, sadly I think it is now. It would draw the attention of those who hadn't noticed too.

I personally would not notice if I'd received one or not, but I know it does matter to other people.

DeskPlanner Mon 27-May-13 16:51:13

I take it, its to late to send them

Binkybix Mon 27-May-13 16:38:28

This is a topic I feel very ashamed about.

I wrote my thank you cards the weekend after the wedding, and then completely forgot to send them. I just don't know what happened. By the time I found them I was worried it would look odd sending so late so I didn't do anything, and now I wish I had. I still feel awful when I think about it.

At least DH sent his half, but I still think about this quite often.

Ragwort Mon 27-May-13 16:31:13

We received a thank you letter from my DH's god-daughter following her recent wedding that had so obviously been written by her mother, totally old fashioned style and no way the sort of language that a young person would use grin.

Totally rude not to send thank you letters, I never forgot on a previous thread about this subject that the couple hadn't been able to send thank you letters as they had been on a three week honeymoon and then needed a month to 'relax' when they got home. hmm - the mind boggles.

After my first wedding <clearly not very happy which is why it didn't last grin> I remember writing thank you letters when we got to the hotel for the first night of the honeymoon !!!

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