Not to ask for money for my friend on Facebook?

(13 Posts)
whosiwhatsit Sun 26-May-13 16:05:22

My old best friend from school has had a really tough time of things. She got pregnant and had a child by someone she barely knew who had just gotten out of prison and who was long gone by the time her baby was born. My friend lives in the US and gets no help from the father of her child, from the government or from anyone. My friend has done what she had to do to feed and house her child. She has been arrested for selling drugs and for prostitution, but she has always made sure her son was cared for as best she could, feeds him healthy foods, helps him with his homework, etc. She has also worked regular jobs but the only ones she has qualified for are low paid and she is constantly getting made redundant.

Now she has hit upon a way out - she's going to nursing school and is halfway through but can't afford the tuition for next year and is really struggling to stay afloat.

Another old friend of ours, also American, has decided to "help" by convincing our friend to launch a campaign to get people to donate money for her to pay her tuition and rent and finish nursing school. She has set this up on a website that is like kick starter only for educational stuff. Now she is pressuring me to post a link to Facebook saying "you know doctors and other rich people, right? Surely they would want to help someone else get an education too?"

Now, I'm happy to donate a couple hundred quid to my friend's campaign to help her. However I feel extremely uncomfortable with using social media to ask for money. Another friend of ours got people to fund her to make an album with her band, and another woman I know got or at least tried to get people to contribute to her holiday as her birthday present through Facebook. This stuff just really annoys me and rubs me the wrong way. Now my friends campaign isn't like this and is definitely worthwhile for me to contribute to happily as her old friend. But I don't really see why my other friends would want to contribute.

AIBU not to post this to FB? Would you? And what should I tell my friend?

CloudsAndTrees Sun 26-May-13 16:07:18

YANBU. I wouldn't share it, and I'd think anyone that did was being cheeky. Attitudes towards these things are different here and in America ime.

whosiwhatsit Sun 26-May-13 16:08:37

I thought it might be the case that attitudes are different - but he holiday-asking woman is from the UK so I wasn't sure.

Trills Sun 26-May-13 16:08:38

"Not posting something to Facebook" is never unreasonable.

honeytea Sun 26-May-13 16:12:28

Yanbu. You could either tell them you don't feel comfortable posting the appeal or you could do a very restricted post just including your friends who know about the appeal already.

Can she really become a nurse when she has been arrested for drug dealing? I don't think I would want to be nursed by an ex drug dealer. Is there no crb checks?

Steffanoid Sun 26-May-13 16:12:49

you could say it'd be futile as none of your friends would donate ans see it as rude due to the. culture difference AMD you dont want to offend them

Bearbehind Sun 26-May-13 16:16:26

I wouldn't want to be associated with it, it doesn't sound the most deserving cause. Getting pregnant to someone she barely knew who was just out of jail was never going to end well.

Many women end up on their own with children but don't turn to drug dealing and prostitution.

How can she become a nurse with a criminal record like that?

whosiwhatsit Sun 26-May-13 16:16:42

Honeytea, my understanding is that she has been able to get certain things taken off her record for procedural errors and I think other things have expired. I know she had some trouble with the admissions dept at the nursing school before she started but I think that to sorted out somehow.

whosiwhatsit Sun 26-May-13 16:17:56

And I see the cause as her child more than her tbh. He is lovely and very bright and I want him to have a better chance in life.

Bearbehind Sun 26-May-13 16:21:23

I can understand that whosi but I still wouldn't share this with my other Facebook friends as they don't know the child or your friend.

StuntGirl Sun 26-May-13 16:22:04

Nothing wrong with crowdsourcing as a way of funding projects such as albums or books, its a truly viable alternative for many smaller/independent artists.

I wouldn't use it to pay for a holiday for someone.

While I think it's a great way for your friend's friends to jointly contribute to help her if they want to I wouldn't promote it for total strangers to do. Although I suppose its similar in essence to Kiva loans which I have done in the past, I wouldn't feel comfortable promoting it myself.

NotYoMomma Sun 26-May-13 16:59:07

Normally I would say no but because.this woman has went to such lengths for her child and changing her life is a brave move and would have taken a lot I would probably post a link and leave it up to people who see it whether they want to give or not.

Some may feel inspired and others will just say no because they don't know her.

I would probably not post asking for money for her but share it just commenting how.it must be hard and you are so happy she is trying so hard for her family or some such.

BUT YANBU if you don't, it's your FB after all

whosiwhatsit Sun 26-May-13 17:50:45

NotYoMomma that's it exactly. I think my friend has been through so much and I really do think she would be a good nurse and that it would be so good for her son if she had a stable job like that.

It does seem like the majority opinion is that it would not be seen as socially acceptable to post this, though, and I highly doubt anyone would contribute anyway (I will because I know her, but I doubt I would if I didn't tbh).

Thanks, all. I think I need to have a look at Facebook and figure out how to do a restricted post. Or I might ask her to post it to my wall and just not delete it. I would add a " good luck" comment and leave it at that. Could be a happy medium.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now