to think our neighbour shouldn't engage my 5 year old DD in conversation...

(194 Posts)
Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 16:20:22

... when she is playing alone in our garden? He is an adult with his own children who live with his wife. He comes over to talk to DD whenever she is playing on the trampoline. It makes me feel very awkward. I have to watch like a hawk because I am so uncomfortable but I don't know what to do about it. Not sure if I'm over-reacting. What would you do?

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 16:32:43

I would speak to him about it and ask (tell) him not to come into your garden. Like you say - why should she have to stop playing out there? You're right - it's odd behaviour.

ExcuseTypos Sat 25-May-13 16:33:03

You need to speak to him.

Is he still about? I'd go and tell him that you don't like him coming into your garden and he isn't to do it again.

HotCrossPun Sat 25-May-13 16:33:13

So what are you going to do now, just not let her back out in the garden in case the neighbour wants to come over and play?

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 25-May-13 16:33:14

What NeoMaxiZoomDweebie said.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 16:33:34

I think it is best if you politely communicate to him that you aren't amenable to him letting himself into your garden 'to play'. Your garden is yours, and does not come with an open invitation to the neighbours.

ArthurCucumber Sat 25-May-13 16:34:05

We live in a friendly, rural neighbourhood. My reaction to that would be that chatting to her is fine, all our neighbours chat to my dds. I was coming onto the thread to say that YWBU, until I saw that he'd come right into your garden and got on the trampoline with her confused. Nope, YANBU, that's crossing a line.

OK, maybe she invited him to come on with her (you can imagine conversations with a 5 yr old where that might happen). If a neighbour's child invited me I'd laugh and say I was far too old and creaky.

TigerSwallowTail Sat 25-May-13 16:34:15

As others have said, chatting to her is fine, letting himself into your garden and playing on the trampoline with her isn't.

ExcuseTypos Sat 25-May-13 16:34:26

Btw I don't think it's odd if he occasionally speaks to her. That's just being neighbourly.

It is odd if he's doing it every time your dd is out inthe garden.
It's very odd for him to let himself into your garden.

Oscalito Sat 25-May-13 16:34:43

No, you don't let yourself into someone else's garden without an invitation. If you're a man and you're letting yourself into someone else's garden to chat to a five year old girl then you're really straying into hmm territory. Just odd.

ArthurCucumber Sat 25-May-13 16:35:07

But yes, bringing her in because of him is the wrong way round (although I appreciate that it's easier and I hate confrontation myself). You need to make sure he knows that isn't on and doesn't do it again but fuck knows what I'd say to him if it was me

piprabbit Sat 25-May-13 16:35:15

I don't think you've had a mixed reaction at all - everyone is a shock at him coming into your garden uninvited and playing on the trampoline.

Talking over the fence, fine. Anyone letting themselves into our garden without asking would be questioned and asked to leave. I'd be telling him clearly and calmly that you do not want him letting himself into your garden, tyvm. angry

SarahBumBarer Sat 25-May-13 16:36:06

It's quite dangerous having two entirely differently sized/weighted people on a trampoline. I would use that as an excuse to get him off and a means of telling DD that she should not have him on there with her again.

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 16:36:50

How is he getting into your garden? shock. Make it secure, if this loola can get in anybody can.

antshouse Sat 25-May-13 16:37:01

My neighbours dc chat if I go in the garden and I answer them. They are toddlers and they initiate it. Its a relief to get the washing in these days with their constant questions. I certainly wouldn't let myself in and play with them.

janey68 Sat 25-May-13 16:37:33

Chatting now and then, when he happens to be out in his garden- fine
If he's making a point of appearing in his garden whenever she's out there - pushy, and not ok.
Coming into your garden and using the trampoline- bloody weird!

Do you think your dd might have invited him in?

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 16:37:49

Oh, and go out there, stop looking through the window, posting on mumsnet hmm

Lweji Sat 25-May-13 16:37:53

Put a higher fence?

ItsallisnowaFeegle Sat 25-May-13 16:37:59

Tell him to get to fuck OP!

In theory, I agree that having a wee chat is fine, but if there's something you can't put your finger on, trust your instincts.

Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 16:38:10

Thanks Neo that's how I feel about it. It's a very small street and we're new. In fact it's a really small village so I just feel awkward about it. We're trying really hard to fit in so the last thing I want to do is offend anyone.
I would never go into someone else's garden without ringing the bell and speaking to parents first.

SlimePrincess Sat 25-May-13 16:38:31

Go and tell him to GTFO. He shouldn't be In your garden.

janey68 Sat 25-May-13 16:39:49

Also, it sounds like you feel a as though you need a cast iron 'reason' to stop him.. Almost as though you are doubting your instincts. I don't think you need any reason beyond protecting your normal family privacy. I would be extremely irritated if a neighbour appeared and wanted to talk every time I went in the garden. It's just beyond the boundaries of normal interaction - it's pushy

pictish Sat 25-May-13 16:39:54

I've never lived in any place where the neighbours routinely let themselves in for a play date with my kids.

Tell him no.

TumbleweedAndSandDunes Sat 25-May-13 16:40:25

I would say"thank you for making an effort with DD, would you mind only playing when me or DH are here though as we're trying to get the message about not going off/playing with adults if we don't know where she is/what she's doing for safety"

piprabbit Sat 25-May-13 16:40:26

So what are you going to do about it?

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