To sort of miss these things that used to be on the telly

(139 Posts)
fragola Fri 24-May-13 23:32:18

Mutants. Mutants were everywhere. They were generally the result of nuclear war and normally wanted to kill and or eat everyone who wasn't a mutant. If you were a small child in the seventies, it was impossible to imagine a future without mutants.

Ladies in little shorty nighties. If you were a middle aged busdriver, milkman, postman or window cleaner, you couldn't go anywhere or do anything without being beseiged by ladies in little shortie nighties. I don't think that i was sure of the significance of ladies in little shortie nighties back then, but i thought they looked pretty and i sort of miss them.

Quicksand. Most films that weren't set in britain seemed to involve quicksand, generally as a means to dispatch the bad guys. The world would now be overrun by baddies if it wasn't for quicksand.

Avalanches. If you shouted anywhere near a mountain, a big load of snow would fall on you. I considered this to be a valuable lesson learnt when i was six.

Vicars. Vicars were also everywhere. People had vicars around to their houses for tea so often you could be forgiven for thinking that at least 50% of all men worked as vicars (the rest were middle aged bus drivers, milkmen, post men and window cleaners).

So if anyone on mumsnet works on the telly could you see if you can do anthing about bringing back quicksand, avalanches, mutants, ladies in little shortie nighties and vicars please?

Thank you.

ArtexMonkey Fri 24-May-13 23:34:18

God you are so right.

As well, uptight men in suits and bowler hats who would look outraged and go "I SAY" when they saw anything unusual or rambunctious.

fragola Fri 24-May-13 23:35:50

I'd forgotten about the men in bowler hats, but it's so nice to hear about them. Where are they now? What did they do with their hats?!

ArtexMonkey Fri 24-May-13 23:37:00

Like, a dude in flares would go past on his chopper bike dead fast and huffy bowler hat would adjust his glasses and go "I SAY"

I am glad though that the trope of homeless/drunk man witnessing something outlandish and then looking askance at his bottle of booze and then discarding it lives on to this day. Small mercies.

ArtexMonkey Fri 24-May-13 23:37:52

I dunno, I guess bowler hats have fallen from favour? It's a damn shame if you ask me <adjusts bowler hat and glasses> yes a damn shame.

SueDnym Fri 24-May-13 23:38:53

I saw a man in a bowler hat on the tube the other day. My commute doesn't normally take me via 1952.

cornypedicure Fri 24-May-13 23:40:18

I raise your ladies in shorty nighties to blond ladies in shorty nighties with green eyeshadow and lipgloss

bionic people with blond highlights

upper class people who smoked who were tortured by their emotions

working class people who smoked who spent a lot of time in smoky pubs

aspiring middle class house wives who ironed shirts and vacuumed while their husbands had affairs

aliens who impregnated teenage girls and had green babies

fragola Fri 24-May-13 23:52:13

Blimey Corny, I'd forgotten about the horny aliens. I think I'd blocked it out because it really scared me.

cornypedicure Fri 24-May-13 23:55:12

The horny aliens are imprinted onto my memory.
When the clearly sluttyteenage girl gave birth to the green baby,I was squashed onto the couch with my older sister and her slimy boyfriend.

fragola Sat 25-May-13 00:00:48

Now I've remembered triffids (although I think they might have been in the eighties) they were really, really scary.

SarahAndFuck Sat 25-May-13 00:01:41

American men in shirts that were unbuttoned just one button too far, to show off their manly chest hair. The shirts were always red shiny, silky stuff and a little bit too tight. Even if that shirt were part of a police uniform or some such, it might not be red but it would be tight and shiny.

I loved the horny alien/slutty teen/green baby programme. I was far too young to be allowed to watch it but if you sneaked down our stairs very quietly you could sit about half way down and watch the tv through the banister. It's the reason I spent my childhood wishing my name was Julie.

American husband and wife detective teams with flicky hair and cigars and big jewellery. You couldn't move for falling over an American flicky haired set of married detectives at one point.

cornypedicure Sat 25-May-13 00:02:42

I didn't watch the 80's triffids - only the Eddie Izzard ones.
The 80's nuclear war films were super scary. Threads was shock

squoosh Sat 25-May-13 00:03:03

Fragola I was haunted by the triffids for years, then I rewatched. Bad tempered rhubarb is all they are.

squoosh Sat 25-May-13 00:04:12

What about ads that warned people called Darren of the perils of playing frisbee near pylons?

cornypedicure Sat 25-May-13 00:04:35

I've just remembered tales of the unexpected...did you used to sing along to the theme tune and do the dance with the nekkid lady?!

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sat 25-May-13 00:05:21

In the women in shortie nighties era, you also had offices with no computers or even typewriters in sight, where the boss would be sat at a massive desk with nothing on it, except a big dial telephone, maybe a set of those two big pointy pens in a holder thing, and perhaps a notepad. The boss also probably wore a big pocket watch.

squoosh Sat 25-May-13 00:06:28

What did the big boss do at his big empty table?

wearingpurple Sat 25-May-13 00:08:33

There is literally nobody to be inappropriate in front of now that vicars are so goddamn human.

Also, I was reading Wilkie Collins' The Moonstone' for the first time on holiday and somebody died in quicksand and I was like, OMG QUICKSAND I MISSED YOU!

YANBU.

fragola Sat 25-May-13 00:09:01

Squoosh, I don't know if it's the wine, but I just can't stop laughing about bad tempered rhubarb, I'm literally crying.

squoosh Sat 25-May-13 00:09:43

Oh the poor ugly maid with the limp died in the quicksand, her with the lust for whatshisname who 'stole' the Moonstone.

cornypedicure Sat 25-May-13 00:09:50

the boss was always much older than the shorty nighty woman and not a looker, but strangely irresistible to women

I'm thinking of that little guy from hill street blues who used to stalk that woman with the dark long hair who was always in the bath confused

charlies angels (the series not the film) was a masterclass in flicky hair

DevonCiderPunk Sat 25-May-13 00:09:54

I really miss credits that wobbled because the person operating the handle couldn't quite keep up a smooth rotation.

I also miss the credits formula that was:
- repetitive live-action shot
- overlaid with wobbly text
- slightly sinister fairground-type music in the background.

Thinking of "Tales of the Unexpected" and some other programme that featured a close-up of a jewelled trinket box rotating on a velvet cushion.

cornypedicure Sat 25-May-13 00:10:46

I don't remember the maid in the quicksand AT ALL
I remember Mark Lester and a horse in the quicksand though

cornypedicure Sat 25-May-13 00:11:23

...ROYAL JELLY...

LemonPeculiarJones Sat 25-May-13 00:11:24

Tales of the unexpected - brilliant. That eerie, eerie theme music.

I liked the one with the tree stump that won the affections of Joan Collin's husband grin

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