To tell DH if he leaves me I will screw him for everything he's got.....

(113 Posts)
AmadeusRocks Fri 24-May-13 19:54:01

My bastard DH has this evening made a joke saying "if I left you for my secretary you'd be financially screwed", I am 36 weeks pregnant and already worrying about money hmm and hormonal. I quipped back "well if you leave me I will take you for everything you've got" and he was horrified!

I've kicked him out for the night to stew at his mothers. Seriously, what sort of arsehole makes that comment to a pregnant woman, especially when I've just passed up promotion opportunity which would DOUBLE my salary to bear his children!

So WIBU to react like that?

Greythorne Fri 24-May-13 22:17:28

What valiumredhead said.

You are not adolescents in the first throes of passion, where people say and do ridiculous things, make grand gestures.

You are about to be parents. You need to sit down and have a hard chat with him and agree never, ever to say things like 'I'll leave you for my secretary" or "I want a divorce" or "I'll screw you over financially" unless you mean them because they hurt, even if they are jokes and once said, they can't be unsaid and it leads to insecurity in a relationship.

You both have to act and give all the signals that you are 100% committed to the relationship.

Unless you are not. And quite honestly, neither of you sound committed to each other.

WilsonFrickett Fri 24-May-13 22:18:52

Are you both 12? It's not really usual to keep discussing what would happen in the event of a split - unless you're planning to split. (In which case, why did you pass up a promotion?) As for kicking him out... I take it the house is in your name?

If you've been married for 10 years or so, it doesn't matter who's name the house is in, in the event of a divorce. Everything is put into the pot and divided equally. If you have to provide a home for your DC, you will generally get a bit more than half.

My ex and I used to joke about who would have to keep the rather annoying cat, but we never talked seriously about splitting. My career 'sacrifice' (our joint decision, of course hmm ) wasn't compensated for at all.

I hope it's just a hormone filled spat, but I think you have to think very seriously about any underlying tensions.

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 24-May-13 22:30:15

You both sound childish. You are "bearing his child" for him, err no you are having a baby together.

If you have given up your job and promotion just because you will have a child then you need to live with the consequences. Relying on another adult totally is a recipe for disaster should things go wrong. He would only be liable for child support in line with CSA rates and you would be left out to dry with no job.

SavoyCabbage Fri 24-May-13 22:39:53

Why did he go so far as to name a specific person that he would leave you for? Why not just say "if we split up you would be screwed".

I think a lot of women would be up the creek if their husbands left them during this stage of their lives. I would have been.

scottishmummy Fri 24-May-13 22:54:37

stop being so passive.no one bears a man children
parenthood,it's not a giving things up competition.only decline what you willing to
don't hope/expect giving stuff up makes you better mum.it doesn't

AmadeusRocks Fri 24-May-13 22:58:23

I think my waters have just broken shock

RhondaJean Fri 24-May-13 22:59:29

Oh Christ on a bike.

scottishmummy Fri 24-May-13 23:00:31

in that case you have more to be doing than updating mn

AmadeusRocks Fri 24-May-13 23:00:37

I went for a wee and without being too graphic, some clear water and a load of gunk just sort of exploded all over the toilet.....been having what I thought were bad braxton hicks for the last two days, mw agreed they probably were

Loulybelle Fri 24-May-13 23:01:09

Oh fuck, i guess DH is needed badly.

rabbitlady Fri 24-May-13 23:01:17

don't tell him any such thing. he's a prat and you might need to get rid one day, so keep your mouth shut for now and gather all your evidence (of his assets and earnings). do it while he's out at his mother's. keep quiet and update from time to time. put emergency money in a bank account he knows nothing of, little and often. copy your favourite photos and store them and your documentary evidence with family, not friends.

he made a daft remark but now he knows you take such things seriously; he might not ever do it again. but just in case, be ready. then if it comes to it, you will be much more confident about saying 'see you then. bye.'

AmadeusRocks Fri 24-May-13 23:01:25

I think I have gone into panic mode, I don't feel ready for this sad

Loulybelle Fri 24-May-13 23:01:57

That sounds like broken waters alright.

scottishmummy Fri 24-May-13 23:03:03

word of advice,conserve your mental/physical energies no more mn
prioritise
and mn isn't priority at moment

marriedinwhiteagain Fri 24-May-13 23:03:22

Then you had better phone him and ime you don't "think" your waters have broken - they go with a woosh and leave half a bucket of puddle.

scottishmummy Fri 24-May-13 23:05:30

don't expect to hear from you again given circumstances
contact your dh

RhondaJean Fri 24-May-13 23:05:56

They can trickle though, depending on where the baby is sat.

Better get a hold of him op, you can update us when it's all over.

Good luck!

lovesherdogstoomuch Fri 24-May-13 23:06:55

sorry but that's a horrible thing to say to your heavily pregnant wife. WTF? seriously. that's horrible. i would question him closely. why would he say that?

Time to call your husband and call a truce. Good luck. Come back to update, ok?

CremeEggThief Fri 24-May-13 23:10:24

Wow! What a twist in the thread!

WorraLiberty Fri 24-May-13 23:13:35

I'm quite baffled actually having read the OP's other thread about money.

They both seem very financially secure.

Wow!

marriedinwhiteagain Fri 24-May-13 23:14:21

Give us an update in the morning. Good luck; where's your mum?

RhondaJean Fri 24-May-13 23:15:37

What other thread worra?

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