To tell DH if he leaves me I will screw him for everything he's got.....

(113 Posts)
AmadeusRocks Fri 24-May-13 19:54:01

My bastard DH has this evening made a joke saying "if I left you for my secretary you'd be financially screwed", I am 36 weeks pregnant and already worrying about money hmm and hormonal. I quipped back "well if you leave me I will take you for everything you've got" and he was horrified!

I've kicked him out for the night to stew at his mothers. Seriously, what sort of arsehole makes that comment to a pregnant woman, especially when I've just passed up promotion opportunity which would DOUBLE my salary to bear his children!

So WIBU to react like that?

TidyDancer Fri 24-May-13 20:01:18

Well it wasn't a funny joke, but are you being serious about kicking him out?

I don't think it's an especially mature way to go....

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Fri 24-May-13 20:05:32

What on earth made him make such kind of a joke?

I would certainly have sat down and discussed why he chose to make that joke and what he meant by it.

I believe that all communication has a purpose. Everything we say has a point. I would want to know what his was.

MooseBeTimeForSpring Fri 24-May-13 20:05:45

Yup he's an arsehole. However, you have unrealistic expectations. You wouldn't get everything. So, you're both BU.

bigfatgypsy Fri 24-May-13 20:08:04

Ex and I used to have some humdingers. He said that when we split, he'd never pay a penny. I said that he'd never see DS again.

Turns out we were both right * shrugs *

It's not a great idea to say big, serious stuff in an argument. It normalizes it - makes it more likely to happen.

Euphemia Fri 24-May-13 20:14:18

I think we need some back story here!

OHforDUCKScake Fri 24-May-13 20:17:12

Id fucking kick him out if I was hormonal, pregnant, vulnerable, worrying, and had recently given up a double salary position, just for him to help out with a comment like that.

OP YANBU. At ALL.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 24-May-13 20:35:03

You kicked him out of his home just for a crap and misguided joke?

Come on, there has to be more to it.

If not, I should imagine his secretary is looking very attractive right about now.

HellonHeels Fri 24-May-13 20:37:50

Any chance you can change your mind about taking the promotion?

Cluffyflump Fri 24-May-13 20:40:36

Wow what a monumentally stupid thing to say shock
I'm not sure you were wrong to kick him out tbh.
It sounds like a nasty way to put you down and make you feel weak.
If that was the case, you showed him that you are made of stronger stuff!
I hope you're ok xx

Roshbegosh Fri 24-May-13 20:41:21

The two of you need to calm down. He was right though, if you have given up your job, was he just stating a fact? Saying you will screw him for every penny makes you sound pitiful, sorry. You are supposed to be equal adults making different contributions to the family unit and it doesn't sound like you are both together on this.

somedayillbesaturdaynite Fri 24-May-13 20:42:08

ywbu to tell him your (hypothetical) plans, but not unreasonable to carry them out!

Wow that's some kind of sense of humour he's got there. I wouldn't be too hard on him though assuming you have no reason to doubt that it was a joke, it was just in very, very poor taste. Let him make it up to you.

ZZZenagain Fri 24-May-13 20:43:02

if you are having a baby together soon, best to get things back on track. Go out tomorrow evening and sort it out between the two of you. YWNBU to dislike what he said (and why did he say it in the first place?) but the two of you could be handling things better IMO. Draw a line under it and move on.

Shenanagins Fri 24-May-13 20:44:20

It all depends on the context tbh. For example tonight me and my oh were having a lighthearted conversation and i said to him that i was only with him for his money. He feigned shock and retorted that he thought i was the one with money which is the only reason he hangs about.

now written down that could sound quite horrible but we were having a bit of fun with each other.

WorraLiberty Fri 24-May-13 20:44:37

He sounds like an arsehole really

But how do you kick someone out of there own home?

Surely you mean you asked him to leave and he agreed?

WorraLiberty Fri 24-May-13 20:45:06

*their

Call his bluff, scare the shit out of him pack his stuff and have a taxi drop it off to him.

Fucker.

Think you could have stabbed him and got away with it in your condition.

Cabrinha Fri 24-May-13 20:47:06

Why on EARTH have you given up such a financially good promotion? (and presumably good for career as well as money?)
You can have maternity leave from a well paid position as easily as you can a poorly paid one.
He is right - he leaves you, you're screwed. Kick him out if you want, but here the sense in his words.
What can you do about that promotion?

Dahlen Fri 24-May-13 20:47:49

No, you weren't BU. Not at all. You've made a very clear stance that 'jokes' (how is that supposed to be funny exactly?) like that aren't funny.

You've also shown him that while you may have passed up promotion, sacrificed your career and made yourself more vulnerable (to him) by becoming pregnant, that doesn't make you his plaything and you demand respect. Good for you!

If he's suitably remorseful tomorrow, I think point made and I wouldn't labour it. But while you'll undoubtedly get people saying you overreacted, can't take a joke blah blah blah, I think you absolutely handled it the right way. He won't be making 'jokes' like that in a hurry again and will think twice about shafting you (if he ever had any intention of doing so anyway) in the future.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 24-May-13 20:47:51

You both said something stupid and horrible. He started it, you carried it on. Put it down to hormones if you want to but it's still not a nice thing to say. He has no such excuse.

If there's something more behind this then you need to ensure that your finances are sorted out so that you can manage.

Personally, I think anybody who meaningfully attempts to 'screw their partner for everything they can get' is vile.

You've thrown him out because he said something a bit stupid? Or do you think there's more to it? If my DH had said that, I would have replied like you did and that would have been it. Not ending in throwing him out, how ridiculous.

Think there's more to this than you being pregnant and hormonal; do you trust him?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 24-May-13 20:49:44

... oh, and your bearing YOUR children too. Please stop making out that it's some kind of favour. You decided this with him, didn't you? shock

Leverette Fri 24-May-13 20:49:44

So what's going on with his secretary then?

Minetired Fri 24-May-13 20:49:54

biscuit brew

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