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To be beyond livid.

(70 Posts)
Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 20:51:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gruntfuttocks Thu 23-May-13 20:55:08

Don't make any hasty decisions right now - you are all shocked and grieving, and it's not a good time to start issuing ultimatums that you may regret later.

For what it's worth, most grave plots are able to hold a number of people, so just because your uncle is buried there, doesn't mean other family members can't be added later.

Sorry, that sounds really awful, but given how strongly you feel about this, maybe that might have an impact on your decision?

ivanapoo Thu 23-May-13 20:55:34

This must be a hard time for you, bringing up a lot of pain about your father's death.

I will say very gently that at the moment your anger and pain are raw and to cut yourself off from your family over this might be something you regret. At this moment you need to be supporting each other.

Can you reach a compromise?

CinnabarRed Thu 23-May-13 20:56:06

I'm sorry for your loss.

However, I just don't understand either the cause, or the depth, of your anger. It may be reaction/grief/shock.

May I respectfully suggest deferring any decision until you've had some time (and I mean days, not hours) to absorb what's happened?

LittleMissLucy Thu 23-May-13 20:56:15

YABU. People get angry about death and burials and its often just misplaced grief. You're doing yourself more harm than anything and its not worth destroying the relationship with your living relatives.

Have a cup of tea and a stroll around the block.

OHforDUCKScake Thu 23-May-13 20:59:06

Im confused OP, it was your uncles wish to be buried next to his brother but you're angry because this is going to happen?

OHforDUCKScake Thu 23-May-13 21:00:09

"Have a cup of tea a stroll around the block"

Seriously? hmm

CinnabarRed Thu 23-May-13 21:01:25

What's wrong with that? Better than going for a drive or getting smashed, surely.

Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 21:01:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oldraver Thu 23-May-13 21:02:39

Who owns the plot ? why is it for your Dad Mum and Sister what about you ?

Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 21:03:17

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Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 21:04:02

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MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Thu 23-May-13 21:04:19

Sorry for your loss

I do think YABU but its not an easy situation

Who bought the plot?

CinnabarRed Thu 23-May-13 21:04:40

OK. That does put a different gloss on things.

Would have been helpful to know that from the start.

If your mother is vulnerable to pressure from your sister, how is separating yourself from your mother while leaving her under your sister's influence going to help anything?

HintofBream Thu 23-May-13 21:04:49

Altinkum, sorry but I am not clear, his last wish was to buried beside your dad, but then you say "my mum and sister has decided he will be buried beside him". I don't understand the difference.
Whatever the situation, you must be very, very, sad and upset, but try, as the others have said, not to make any hasty decisions. Plenty of people on here will know you through your posts and will be thinking of you with concern and sympathy.

CinnabarRed Thu 23-May-13 21:05:13

And do you normally like and respect your sister?

You are going to take your dads headstone from your dads resting place because his brother is going to be buried beside him now too?

I can understand your anger, but it doesn't matter who else is there, its still your dads grave too.

It sounds like your mum might need support and understanding rather than you pressuring her too, can you give it a couple of days and calmly talk to her, she might not be strong enough to say no without support.

Sorry you are in this situation sad

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Thu 23-May-13 21:07:32

Isn't it up to whoever owns the burial plot? Who owns that op?

TSSDNCOP Thu 23-May-13 21:08:55

Could it be that given your fathers family's treatment your mother would prefer to be buried elsewhere?

Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 21:10:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 21:12:36

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Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 21:12:59

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kinkyfuckery Thu 23-May-13 21:14:00

You uncle wanted to be buried next to your dad, and you're angry that's what is happening?
Was your uncle involved in the assault on your mum?If not, why are you so angry with him? If so, why did you pay for the funeral costs?

kinkyfuckery Thu 23-May-13 21:15:25

Oh wait, you paid the costs for your dad's funeral, not your uncle's?

thegreylady Thu 23-May-13 21:17:38

This is so very hard for everyone.Your mum has obviously been intimidated by these horrible people but if she has now given her consent you can't do much unless you can go up there and stand with your mum and say NO.If your mum was assaulted by them did she complain to the police?
Will she stand up to them if you are there?Can you talk to your sister?

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