To be terrified of full time nursery?

(31 Posts)
cherhorowitz Thu 23-May-13 14:21:09

So I found out I have a full time job today which is absolutely brilliant news and I am chuffed. I visited the nursery where DD2 (2 yo) will be staying from 8:30am - 5:30pm today and while it's brilliant, the staff seem friendly and it does seem like a 'Home away from home' environment I am terrified.

Myself or DP never not been with DD2. When one of us is out or he's working the other is with her. DD1 is 5 and is in reception but will be going from school to the same nursery until 5:30 too. I feel that DD1 will be fine with it as she just loves to be active and occupied but DD2 is tugging at my heartstrings. She loves other children, playing etc but it's a very long time for her to be away from me.

Tell me IABU. Tell me the great things about private nurseries. I feel like crying although this job is my perfect career job and I couldn't be happier about it. I am so conflicted.

scottishmummy Fri 24-May-13 21:13:40

congratulations on your job.hope goes well

cherhorowitz Fri 24-May-13 10:40:27

The nursery looks and sounds lovely. The staff have really helped with the figures, the facts and also the emotions I was feeling walking through with them. They obviously deal with this a lot and are very experienced.

I'll drop both DC's to the nursery at 8-8:15am, the nursery will take DD1 to school and keep DD2 all day then pick DD2 up from school and take her back for after school club and a meal before I pick them up around 5:30 (I finish work at 5). Some days DP may have flexible hours and can pick them up earlier but he works in a recording studio so if someone is scheduled in at 5 or 6 there's no chance of him not working late.

Right now I think the benefits of a nursery outweigh those of a childminder just because of the things they can do and people they can meet. I'd look into a CM when the DC's were a bit older and didn't require so much stimulation after school.

I'm still apprehensive but they did say I could call or text any time and someone would get back to me who was in the room asap with a child status update which makes me feel a bit better. I think it's just going to be a huge adjustment period but after a few months of income and nursery things will settle down for us all when we realise how much of a better position we're in.

We've been on benefits for longer than I'd hoped thanks to no job for me or DP and when DP got his job we were thrilled but then I got the job I'd been wanting for years and the conversation between myself and DP was very much "No matter what this is important. Go for it and we will all adjust" as it's very unlikely a job like this in the same field will come up in our crap city any time in the future. This is the first I've seen of it's kind because someone was retiring and they have been having a reshuffle in the office. This is a career job for me even if it is minimum wage entry level right now.

Thank you for all your responses, especially those who have children in nursery or have had them there.

WidowWadman Fri 24-May-13 08:57:04

My children have both been in full time nursery since they were 9 months old. They love going there, and feel happy, secure and loved. If you've got the right nursery, you've nothing to worry about.

moonbells Fri 24-May-13 08:51:26

You will be gutted for the first week or two, and you'll jump every time your mobile rings (suggest programming nursery with a different ringtone so you know you need to pick that one up!). I still jump and DS is now in YR grin

Settling sessions are good, though when I went back, they threw me a bit as boss (who was new - arrived while I was on ML!) was expecting me to just turn up and go FT and the nursery had two settling hours one week, then half days the next...

I shouldn't have worried. Duck and water come to mind with DS and the place. He's about 10,000 times more social than me and loved it! Used to cry when we left as he still wanted to play. Still begs me to go back after school sometimes so he can see the staff and brag tell them how he's doing.

Yes is is bloody expensive. As much as private school. But you and your DP need to badger your HR to get you childcare vouchers as soon as possible if you don't already get them. That will help!

thing1andthing2 Fri 24-May-13 08:40:05

Good luck! Ds (11months) has his first settling session at nursery today so I am a bit anxious. So i know how you feel! I want him to be happy and I can't wait to go back to work!
We changed my dd to a nursery from a childminder at 2.2 y and we've never looked back, it's fabulous.

Pilgit Thu 23-May-13 22:35:14

It will be fine. You have a good feeling about the place and that is really important - it makes it so much easier to leave them knowing that they are being well taken care of and having a good time. I have also had to leave DD1 full time (and will have to with DD2 to) and DD1 has loved it AND has been really good for her. She has benefited so much from it - they get to spend the whole day with people who want to be there, who don't have to worry about housework and the stresses of family life and are paid to be devoted to them. Ultimately you do what is right for your family. Yes, there will be flashpoints (at the points of separation anxiety especially), and you will probably feel guilty at some points and then also frustrated that they don't miss you more at others! Congrats on your job...

choceyes Thu 23-May-13 22:19:12

Personally for me, full time nursery is too much. But I'm not in a job I absolutely adore, so going part time was an easy decision for me.
I started full time after DC1 (although not fully FT as finished at 3.30pm), but after a month I begged work to let me go part time, 4 days a week as I was missing DS so much. I found the weekend goes by so quickly and is not enough time to spend with the DC and do other things too. I now do 3 days a week with two DCs and find it the perfect balance, and I know that they think so too. They absolutely love nursery, but they love the days at home too. I just don't like the idea of them being in one place all day long 5 days a week. I do loads of stuff with them on those 2 days, days out etc.

BUT in your situation, it is a hard one as you've found your ideal job, and that is a hell of a thing to give up on.

Yes the right nursery is a great thing. My DCs absolutely adore their nursery. They go running in (although DS, 4.5, says he wants to stay at home with me before he goes) and it is difficult to get them away at the end of the day! They take ages to say bye to their friends and take the time to show me all the stuff they've done during the day and proudly take home their art works etc.

cardibach Thu 23-May-13 22:06:58

DD loved full time nursery, and at 17 is well adjusted, happy and a joy to be around. If you are happy with the nursery, I am sure it will be fine. I'm not really sure why a childminder is being suggested as an alternative when your worry is your DC being away from you - she would be at a CM too confused

HopALongMcLimpyLegs Thu 23-May-13 22:00:39

I love our nursery. DS is so happy, he's only been upset once, and by the time I had walked round to the front of the building, his key worker had stuck her head out the window to say he was fine now and off playing. Some children find it a much harder transition, but I do think it is 100x worse for the parent. You learn to just put your work head on, and if you trust that the staff are lovely and looking after them well, then it gets easier every day until it's just a normal thing that you do Mon-Fri. CM was just not for me, but it works for some people.

Also, do not be worried about calling to check she is OK. I called so much when DS first started going, and was always apologising for it, but a good nursery will help you through it and not make you feel bad for checking up on your child if you need to.

Congrats on the new job!

pointythings Thu 23-May-13 21:29:33

What scottishmummy said. A good nursery is fabulous for children. They get a range of toys and activities you couldn't do at home even with the best will in the world and a ton of money, they make friends, they learn whilst playing... My DDs came out of nursery so ready for school that they settled in without any effort whatsoever.

scottishmummy Thu 23-May-13 21:25:20

quite frankly I wouldn't bother asking folk who don't use ft nursery their pov on ft nursery

scottishmummy Thu 23-May-13 21:21:46

you need to get a grip quickly,before the nursery nay Sayers pollute your mind
congratulations on job,your kids will be fine if you've picked a good nursery
you need to be able to compartmentalise work and nursery. it's no biggie you just do it

pointythings Thu 23-May-13 21:15:12

Oh, and my DDs were in an after school club too, once they were of school age, and coped perfectly well with homework and reading in the evening. They can handle the long days. The one thing I would say is that you will have to forget about having any time for yourself until they are in bed. But that's being a parent for you...

pointythings Thu 23-May-13 21:13:07

I suspect adjusting to nursery will be harder at two than for a younger child, but it will happen. I'd recommend a settling in week before you actually start work though, if you can afford it, and do the 'a little bit longer each day' thing.

FWIW mine were in nursery from 6 months (this was before the long paid mat leave you get now) and they have absolutely thrived.

Karoleann Thu 23-May-13 21:11:59

Personally I think full time nursery is too much, I think children need a bit of time at home too especially after being at school all day. Could you get a nanny or childminder one/two days a week so they're having a bit of a rest.
Having to do reading or other homework at 6pm when you get home every day will be difficult for your little one.

ohnosnow Thu 23-May-13 20:11:20

I work in a nursery.

The first few weeks maybe hard as you all adjust to your new routine, but before long you will be collecting your dd and she won't want to come home as there will be so much too do.

Please remember nursery staff love children that's why we go into it. (Well it's definitely not for the money) and they will care for and nurture your child when you can't be there.

Congratulations and good luck in your new job

cherhorowitz Thu 23-May-13 19:34:18

I found a nursery that will both take eldest DD and pick her up from school. Why did nobody say that childcare costs £14k a bloody year?!

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 23-May-13 16:57:24

Childminders weren't for me. DD went to nursery full time from 12weeks she loved it from the word go. I dropped her and got in the car and bawled my eyes out. 9 years on it was so the right decision for her and me.

DuelingFanjo Thu 23-May-13 16:56:23

Like others have said - it is hard at first. It does get better though.

calmingtea Thu 23-May-13 16:48:08

Google 'family information service' and the area you are in, for a list of childminders and other childcare registered with the council.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Thu 23-May-13 15:06:21

Congrats on the job.

I had a bit of a wobble when my dd first started nursery (she started about 2 months ago, is 2 and three months old and was normally cared for by her grandma).

She only goes 1 day a week and did get upset the first few times I dropped her off. Now she is completely happy there. My best advice is a bit heartless - drop and run. She got more upset the longer the goodbye was.

Best of luck.

fairylightsinthespring Thu 23-May-13 15:02:51

for c/m try the local council. just google "whatevercouncil childminders" ad you should find it. I found our fab CM that way. The pros are that they are in a home environment and there may be more flexibiity, the downsides are that she is just one person, so if she's ill, or one of her kids is, she can't have ours and one of us has to take time off at basically no notice.

FrenchJunebug Thu 23-May-13 14:58:45

my ds is at nursery from 8.30 to 6 and loves it. Often he doesn't want to leave. It's hard but all nurseries have a week adjustment period when you leave your little one for an hour, then a bit longer the next day, etc. It's more for the parents than for the DC...

WorraLiberty Thu 23-May-13 14:47:14

How about your local council website?

cherhorowitz Thu 23-May-13 14:46:07

I don't know how to find out. Websites like childcare.co.uk ask for payment to contact the childminders.

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