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to ask for positive pnd outcome stories?

(483 Posts)
CailinDana Wed 22-May-13 16:41:08

Have finally admitted i have pnd. I've had depression before so i know i have a slow road to recovery ahead. I would so appreciate anyone else's stories of how they overcame pnd. I need some reassurance at the moment.

CailinDana Wed 22-May-13 16:45:54

Anyone?

ballinacup Wed 22-May-13 16:48:57

I had PND with DS. It hit me like a brick wall.

I was supposed to love him, not hate him. I was supposed to leap to him at every whimper brimming with maternal instinct, rather than pulling the duvet over my head and seething with resentment at him.

I don't have time to post as much as I'd like as I have to get away to pick the beautiful, wonderful, amazing little guy up from nursery. But it gets better. Every day the fog lifts a tiny bit and eventually it all fades into insgnificance.

Oh, and they don't remember. Really, truly they don't.

wonderingsoul Wed 22-May-13 16:51:11

well done, addmiting theres a problem is half way to recovery.
i had pre and post depression with ds1, i went through tthe basic care of what i HAD to do, it wasnt because i wanted to sit their cuddling him, but i knew i had to do it so did. fake it till you make it was my motto for almost a year.

have you spoke to your gp? mine arranged group theorpy, there was about 10 other woman there, and we talked, sometimes we did art while talking, the other things i found usefull was, espp first thing in the morning, was to blast some music and dance around to it while feeding lo, it helped me and helped lo one.

another was to come up with a key word, some simple.. like apple or blue which you could say to your other half or friend just to let them know your feeling esspially down, and its not thier fault, allow them to know when you need that extra bit of tlc kind of thing, also means you dont have to explain your self.

there is loads of h elp out there, people are supportive, you may come along few dick heads but your find alot of people on hear to listen and hand hold if nothing else. xx

CailinDana Wed 22-May-13 16:52:14

Thank you.

CailinDana Wed 22-May-13 16:55:18

I've started ads but other than that there is no support available. Friends and dh have been very good though.

sooperdooper Wed 22-May-13 16:55:57

My mum had PND when she had me, she was hospitaslised and I was in there with her until I was 3 months old

And I'm fine and she's fine!! Infact I had no idea whatsoever until I was about 25ish that it even happened, so it had no long lasting effects on either of us, or on our relationship, I love my mum to bits smile

You've made the first step admitting you need some help, take the help that's needed and take one day at at time. You will get better, and you will feel better in the end, there's no timescale, just take your time

CailinDana Wed 22-May-13 16:56:38

I was fine with ds so it's a shock to feel this way with dd.

Dawndonna Wed 22-May-13 16:57:03

I had pnd after ds, now 28. He doesn't remember. I don't remember the worst of it now. I do remember a fabulously helpful Health visitor who'd come in, put the kettle on and do the ironing for me. And a wonderful friend who took him to mother and baby groups for me. We're really close and he's as sensible and lovely as they come.
I hope you feel better soon.

Cherriesarelovely Wed 22-May-13 16:57:53

First off I'm sorry you are suffering OP. It is not a nice situation and I feel for you. Yes I had PND. I was very stubborn and too proud to admit it for several months. It was very, very grim. I had all kinds of extremely dark thoughts and felt panicky going anywhere outside of my house. I felt totally inadequate and like I didn't deserve my lovely DD. Anyway, I managed it by talking to friends and family. I didn't go to my Dr but know I should have. I did anything that made me feel better and to get through the days. Coffee helped...not being flippant, it really did. Having a routine, forcing myself to go outside to the park, anywhere really. Also avoiding unsympathetic friends...one in particular who accused me of being "overdramatic".

Fast forward a year. I was driving home from work one day and I suddenly realised that I felt like "myself" again for the first time since DD was born. I still had brief relapses but basically it gradually went and I started to enjoy being a mum. In fact I felt so amazingly well once it went it was really a lovely time for me and Dd.

I so hope you have support and that you feel happier soon. I know it is truly horrible.

Fairypants Wed 22-May-13 16:59:28

I had pnd with both dc's. Is this your first? How old is your dc? Have you got any support? These will all affect how you recover but I can tell you what helped me.
I found it easier to cope when I 'owned up' because it ment I was kinder to myself but I also had difficulties getting support as I'm such a people pleaser I would put on a fake smile to stop people feeling awkward. I therefore had no support from anyone as they just forgot I told them :/

I didn't want drugs but did look up all the aromatherapy and complimentary stuff and had a go at blending myself. It smelt good but I have no idea if it helped beyond being a physical manifestation of my choice to get better. I came out of it after about 2 yrs with dd1 and 1 yr with dd2 and the only bout of depression I have had since was when my mum was dying which I think is pretty normal.
Hth

CailinDana Wed 22-May-13 17:00:13

I can't tell you how much these stories help thank you

CailinDana Wed 22-May-13 17:02:32

Fairy - it's dc2. Didn't have it with dc1 who's 2.

GingerPCatt Wed 22-May-13 17:04:13

I went on ADs when DS was 3 mo and it was the best thing ever. I felt like I could step away from the cliff edge. He's nearly 2 now and I'm off ADs and feel like myself again. I do have low days occasionally when DS is acting up or I have pmt.
Talk to your gp, HV, dp, and anyone else you feel comfortable with. You will get through it.

On a totally different note, try adding almonds or ground almonds to your diet. B12 can help depression.

CailinDana Wed 22-May-13 17:06:34

What ads did you have ginger?

CailinDana Wed 22-May-13 17:20:53

My main concern is my relationship with dd.

Szeli Wed 22-May-13 17:21:18

Get the support, try peri natal councilling, tell every health professional you come accross and get yourself in the system.

If you have a friend with a similar aged child see if they can go to groups with you. Getting out of the house helps me immensely and stops me 'wallowing'.

Fake it til you make it.

I was treated for pre and post natal depression, was told they expected me to have a psychotic breakdown following childbirth and now after hours and hours of psychological assessments and seeing the consultant I have been diagnosed with bipolar 2 and prescribed medication which I will probably be on for the rest of my life.

But you know what? I don't mind, because now I know there's a reason I've been feeling strange and this help mean my son hopefully won't ever have to see me 'poorly' and that lifts a little cloud all by itself.

Well done for accepting something's wrong, now you can work on making it right. I wish you the very best x

CailinDana Wed 22-May-13 17:23:27

Thank you szeli

Solola Wed 22-May-13 17:51:50

I had pnd with all 3 DCs and also during the pregnancy with DS3. I'm still taking ADs and DS3 is now 2.5 years.

But, I feel great and once the ADs kicked in I really enjoyed DS3's early babyhood which I hadn't been able to with the other two. Most people don't know I'm taking ADs but am not secretive. I'll tell people about it if I think it would be helpful to them or to me.

I found that having had this experience, however horrible it has been for me, has given me opportunities to help other people going through it for the first time and to be able to empathise with other friends and family experiencing depression.

Example, today I was able to go and pick up a lady I know only slightly who had her first baby two weeks ago. Her DH contacted us and asked if we could help as she is not sleeping, very anxious etc and I took her with me to a group of really supportive mums I know. I was able to listen to how she is feeling, advise her on ADs, sleeping and most of all to say that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

At times when feeling down I do feel like I've failed at being a 'happy, natural' parent but when I am thinking rationally, I realise that I do get a lot of compliments about my parenting and get asked for advice a lot and the best thing I can do is be real to my children and to others and not deny the fact that I've had problems too.

OnceUponAThyme Wed 22-May-13 17:57:32

I had post natal psychosis and depression. I was hospitalized with my dd until I was controlled by medication, and it was the hardest time of my life. everything was a struggle, then the guilt I had about it. it was a nightmare for me and my dh as well.
my dd is 4 now, I love her more than anything and she loves me. she doesn't remember her first year, she only knows I love her and I'd say our relationship is perfect how it is. it does get better. its not your fault. never be guilty. and talk as much as helps you thanks

sparkle101 Wed 22-May-13 17:58:41

Hi
I had pnd with dd. I didn't realise there was a name for it, just thought it was my hormones. However it wasn't normal I was so pleased to leave her and go to the shop and didn't want to go back. It came to a head when I held a knife to my wrist.

I went to my doctors and had a year of counselling and now it's like it's never happened. Dd is as close to me as ever, she doesn't remember anything and is cuddly and affectionate. This was almost three years ago and I am now pregnant with ds.

Talk to people, they are more understanding than you believe they would be, by talking you can quite often rationalise things in your head and people want to help.

Badvoc Wed 22-May-13 18:00:33

I had late onset pnd with ds1.
It was horrific.
I was on meds for about 6 months and things got much better...I slept. Started to eat again...
Had ds2 3.5 years later smile
I think admitting it is the hardest step TH...at least it was for me.
Good luck op x

Weegiemum Argentina Wed 22-May-13 18:09:45

I had PND after all 3 dc. I was depressed until eldest dc was 7, having had 2 more dc inthe meantime. I had 4 hospital admissions, one to psychiatry,others for suicide attempts. I was very ill.

I'm now free of all medication. Still with the fab dh who looked after me through it. 5-6 years later, I'm doing ok, I had a lot of therapy. My dc are fantastic - got a normally awful teenager, an in-training for teenager-hood 11 year old and a still rather-nice 9yo.

The thingis, they're normal kids. Even after my awful PND, I've got kids like any other. That's the thing that make my life good. I didn't think it ever would be, but it is!

K8Middleton Wed 22-May-13 18:14:53

I have had antenatal depression with both and PND with dc2 which was milder than the depression in pregnancy.

I made progress once i faced up to it and with black humour. I refer to it as having "a dose of the mentals", Doing Practical Repetitive Tasks and avoiding everything that mattered to me that was non-child related - work, academia, holidays, childless friends - keeping that unsullied by my mentals.

It's pretty much gone now she is nearly 7mo but it does sort of linger in the background. I keep a careful eye and will go to GP if the mentals start to take over again.

My family relationships are ok because I just casually tip dh off, get ironing/baking/regrouting/painting/setting up a database and wait for it to pass. If I had to talk about it to him or my family I would find it excruciating. It's ok on here though, even though I know people in RL know my posting name. It's the slight seperation and compartmentalism from reality that helps.

So although I'm not over it, I'm ok, functioning and love my dc very much. I went a bit numb about everything including dh and the dc for a while but it passed without lasting damage.

I don't think I will have another baby though because the pregnancy depression was too much.

<<<<<<supportive squeeze>>>>>>>

resipsa Wed 22-May-13 18:22:22

Sorry to hear that you're suffering but acknowledgment is half the battle. I had it after DD. It came to a head when she was admitted to hospital. When we got back, I just looked at her and said that I wanted to put her up for adoption. I meant it. I had no connection and it all seemed hopeless but day by day (with the help of DM (a psychiatrist which helped!), DH and a fab HV), I began to feel better and within about 6 weeks, the worst was gone. And now when DD breaks my heart (in a good way) 50 times a day, I wonder at how I could ever have felt that way. She has no recollection of it, obviously. Get some support and it WILL get better, I promise. I got told this and doubted it cause I felt so very low but it was true.

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