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ro be upset with dh for lack of thought

(84 Posts)
Spinme307 Sun 19-May-13 09:59:32

I'm pretty sure i'm not but usually things have a way of being my fault most of the time....

Yesterday I was very very hurt and upset by something that happened with my parents and my brother but that's a whole other thread.

At around half 8 last night I just needed some space and time to myself so went out for a drive and tbh a good sob to myself. Dh knew why I had gone for a drive and why I was so upset.

After I had got it of my system I drove home expecting dh to give me a big hug and tell me I'm loved and its their problem not mine. But no....he'd gone to bed and was fast asleep.....the only one there for me was my cat.

I felt so hurt that my dh wasn't waiting to comfort me and that his bed was more important. it wasn't late it was half ten

PoppyAmex Sun 19-May-13 13:03:46

"What's dramallama (what are you? 12?) about going out for some space?"

Nothing, but that's the point exactly, she needed some space and her DH gave her some.

"Don't make silent demands"
Eleanor, that's excellent advice.

Euphemia Sun 19-May-13 13:19:40

You can't get upset because you had expectations of someone which you didn't communicate to them! How unfair on your DH! The message he got was "I need some space," so he gave you some.

Stating what you would have done had he been the one who was upset is pointless: that's what you would want to do, not necessarily what your DH would want or need.

Talk to him! Let him know what you need! If you don't communicate, he's rarely going to get it right, you'll get pissed off at him, and he'll be treading on eggshells around you. Is that what you want?

YABU

GingerBlondecat Sun 19-May-13 13:47:43

(((((((((((((((Spin))))))))))))))) <3

im in the drama llama camp.

he's not a mind reader, he's apologised and you're still being on a downer with him.

Get over yourself and deal with your family like an adult.

ilovesooty Sun 19-May-13 14:32:13

* i'd ask to get this to be moved to relationships, you'll get a more measured response there*

i.e. everyone will tell her she's being abused and she ought to LTB.

OP, I'm sorry to hear you've been upset by your family, but it sounds as though it isn't a one off and you could benefit from exploring some strategies to deal with it. Perhaps your husband also feels it's complex and is rather apprehensive about getting involved?

I also agree with the "don't make silent demands" advice. Your husband gave you the space you asked for and I don't think he could reasonably be expected to know automatically that your needs would be different when you returned - and he has apologised.

OK, my advice.

Post about your parents in Relationships. Actually say what is wrong and ask for advice.

Tell your DH what you need. Ask for a hug when you need it and space when you need it.

The less sympathetic posts may be a result of two things. People hate people who expect their partners to be psychic. We've all been on the wrong end of that... People also hate threads that are drip-feeding and self indulgent. It makes them think you are in RL.

KhaosandKalamity Tue 21-May-13 11:16:49

brew and a biscuit for you. It is not all your fault, don't forget that. And we all know how easy it is to come across as melodramatic when we are upset, especially when one big issue is making all of the smaller issues seem so much larger and more daunting. Don't let the blunter posters get you down even further. Just take it one thing at a time, make sure you get an extra big cuddle in the morning and move on.

As for the 'drama queen camp' posters, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Although I am sure you have a deep understanding of OPs mental state and personality based on the few sentences of text provided, if it is not helpful keep it to yourself.

DaveDeeDozyBeakyMickAndTitch Tue 21-May-13 12:04:44

How long were you gone, OP? I'm sorry you didn't get what you wanted, but how on earth was he supposed to give you something he had no earthly way of knowing you needed?

CinnabarRed Tue 21-May-13 12:21:06

I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

I don't think you're a drama-llama.

However, in your DH's place, I too would have gone to bed.

It's just miscommunication between you, and "horses for courses". Not thoughtlessness as far as I can see.

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