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to want to know some of the unspoken rules of MN?

(288 Posts)
Gurke Sun 19-May-13 08:43:05

Just that really! I only joined a few months ago and have already learnt a lot of useful (and some less useful) stuff. On the whole I've been impressed by the tone of helpful solidarity and good-natured humour that prevails. But every now and then I'm wondering what I'm missing: why do some threads get hardly any replies, but others with pretty much the same question get loads? Why, as I read somewhere here, are displays of affection such as xx or virtual hugs a big no-no? Why does posters' whininess seem to be more accepted than neediness or petulance? (Huge generalisation, maybe unjustified) I'm a bit surprised about myself that I care, but I guess during the marathon of night feeds MN has become a rather good companion whose dynamics and rules I'd like to know better.

I'm not trying to be controversial, by the way, just genuinely curious.

MrsWolowitz Sun 19-May-13 11:29:41

Don't ask AIBU then carry on insisting that you're not after 20 odd pages of being told YABU.

Any remotely right wing point of views will result in passionate flaming.

Don't mention the fact that you are thinking about getting a dog unless it is a rescue staffy.

JudithOfThePascha Sun 19-May-13 11:30:40

Some threads don't get as many answers because they're boring, they're just repeating things have been said before, the title is dull or inaccurate or because the OP is such a long, single paragraph that posters lose the will to live before they've finished reading it.

But mostly, some threads don't get as many answers because, through luck and timing, not as many people happen to have seen that it's there.

I think to be honest, we'd love to think that there are hard and fast unspoken rules, but the beauty of MN is that it's pretty free. Yes, there's a bit of herd mentality, just like there is anywhere, but that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with MN. There are just too many members for everyone to be all in the know- even if we'd like them to be! It's just the normal rules that apply in real life.

thenightsky Sun 19-May-13 11:35:39

Use paragraphs.

Oh, maybe except that if you turn round and admit you're wrong, people will fall on your neck in gratitude and amazement, practically, like they've made a huge sacrifice in stepping back and considering at the replies. Tells us a lot about human nature really.

Don't mean to sound snidey- but I have noticed it!

LadyKinbote Sun 19-May-13 11:40:49

Learn what 'entitled' and pfb mean and avoid being either on AIBU! Use paragraphing properly. Don't slag off teachers unless they've really fucked up. I lurked for ages to get the feel of things.

MomsNetCurtains Sun 19-May-13 11:48:52

Use paragraphs, please.

Don't drip feed.

Understand that although many ladies (and men) on here are intelligent, warm and funny - the kind you would enjoy having a drink with in RL - the odd numpty does come along who will goad you. It's their issue, not yours, so don't let it wind you up and move on past their comments. smile

Welcome to MN!

fuzzypicklehead Sun 19-May-13 11:49:37

Do read the classics threads. They're both entertaining and illustrative of the craziness that is Mumsnet.

Don't get upset of a poster tears you to shreds on one thread. They will probably be your best friend on another thread.

Don't mention moldies, GF, Steiner, the unspeakables.

Never google anything that Mumsnet tells you to. What is seen cannot be unseen.

everlong Sun 19-May-13 11:50:50

Don't ask for paragraphs.

You'll get ripped apart.

quoteunquote Sun 19-May-13 11:54:58

Go to unanswered messages and get your five a day, if everyone did that then no one will get ignored.

Oh, and I am right on everything. grin

chocoluvva Sun 19-May-13 11:55:26

Sometimes posters unknowingly start threads on topics that have been 'done to death'. So there's a bit of luck in the timing of threads.

ChewingOnLifesGristle Sun 19-May-13 11:57:59

Dragging up years old threads and carrying on where they left off is a bit weird (imho).

Lazyjaney Sun 19-May-13 12:59:08

Emotional overreacting trumps critical thinking

A mans place is in the wrong

Never feed a child a hamwidge.

Lazyjaney Sun 19-May-13 13:03:11

By the way I love some of the uses of the strikeout passive aggressive, moi?

LaQueen Sun 19-May-13 13:12:08

Don't make judgements. Because if you do you will be righteously judged, by some, for having the temerity to make aforementioned judgement...

It's a very convoluted, twisty-turny piece of MN logic, that often manifests, and if you try and decipher it, I suspect there will be a flux in the Spave Vs. Time Continuam, and the universe might well implode hmm

LaQueen Sun 19-May-13 13:12:42

Space Vs. Time...

Sparklingbrook Sun 19-May-13 13:21:16

One Rule. Don't be an arse. smile

CarpeVinum Sun 19-May-13 13:28:34

I think if you want to enjoy yourself here (which is the point) be yourself, say what you think rather than what you think you should say to garner acceptance and generally don't worry about unspoken "rules".

As a general guidline I think most written and unwritten TOS can be summed up as "Don't Be a Git" and most people can manage that without having to try.

Don't click on links or google any words. [shuddere]

s not e. Sorry.

Gurke Sun 19-May-13 14:07:33

Thank you all - the fog has lifted (some of it), and I feel all warm and welcomed now. smile

To distill your MN wisdom so far:
Don't: be a bloody git. (Gits are known to write in txt, hijack threads, be boring and/or right-wing, judge, call people 'hun', be part of the herd).
Do: use paragraphs, grow a thicker skin, read the classics, answer unanswered messages, throw pom bears, remember that MILs (and inevitably their sons) are bastards, only use AIBU for inflammatory questions, be part of the herd.

All makes perfect sense. Not a bad manifesto for real life (except perhaps the pom bear throwing). smile

The timing of posts and their reception is interesting. If you tweet, there tend to be windows around 9-10am and 7-8pm when more people muck about on Twitter than at other times of the day. But MN timings must be different, what with all the forced insomnia.

Thanks again everyone. End of the lesson (this one at least)!

LaQueen Sun 19-May-13 17:25:09

Oh, and don't sweat the small stuff. Some will ignore what you post, others will love it, some will hate it [shrugs]

As a MN veteran, my advice would be if you really don't like something/someone, then move on to the umpty squillion other threads, instead.

Life is too short to waste time, bearing grudges, splitting hairs, and up-dating your spreadsheet.

n.b. OP if you haven't learned about spreadsheeting yet, it is the curious MN practice, of painstakingly noting as much detail, about certain posters as possible...usually with nefarious intentions...

But, when called on it, it is necessary for the spreadsheeter to attempt to affect an air of total disinterest, about the MN-etter in question.

LaGuardia Sun 19-May-13 17:26:56

Never ever admit to being working class.

ShowOfHands Sun 19-May-13 17:31:17

Just get stuck in. You'll learn it all as you go along. We're all nobs when we start out but then we namechange, man up and come back for more.

My two bits of advice for posting on a forum are...

1. Remember that there's a real person behind what you're reading. You can still have manners even if they're not at your kitchen table drinking tea.

2. Never give more of yourself than you can afford to lose. While there might be a real person behind all posts (except GabbyLoggon's posts), they might not be the person you think.

Ezza1 Sun 19-May-13 17:41:56

Please be aware that somewhere Big Mother is always watching, trawling your posting history and ready to strike at any given moment.

You have 2 DCs you say? Well back on January 7th 2011 at 11.13 you said you had 1 dc.

No accounting for having possibly given birth in the meantime or having made a typo. No, Big Mother with her spreadsheet will dissect your life and you will end up believing her shock

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