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to ask if anyone is happier now they have children than they were before?(207 Posts)
Trying to plan first baby and all I seem to get are horror stories of the agony of childbirth, how babies never sleep, toddlers never leave you alone, children are horrible, teenagers are worse and usually just get "it WILL be hard," with a meaningful look.
I don't know. We'd left it to June to TTC for a myriad of reasons but just had my last period and sat on the stairs crying yesterday because people seem to think our reasons for wanting children are all wrong. Our reasons for wanting children are because we want a family; we want someone more to love and who will love us, we adore 'family' things, we want someone we will have a permanent bond with.
Are these the wrong reasons - awbu to want children?
You only ever seem to hear the bad bits. Ofcourse having children has its tough moments like everything else in life, but the good bits totally out weigh the bad. Both myself and DH could not imagine life with out our DD, yes out lives have changed but being a mummy and daddy is absolutely brilliant. The love you feel for your kids is unbelievable and for us having our own wee family is the best thing
Our first baby wasn't planned. All I had ever heard was how hard kids are etc.
I got a shock - it wasn't half as bad as people make out. We had another in fairly short order and they are brilliant. I would quite like more but age and finances mean it wouldn't be sensible.
Having kids has been the making of me. I am SO much happier. Yes, there are days when I'd love a lie in or a night out but they grow up so fast, I know that in a few months they will go stay with gps and I can do that sometimes.
It's challenging and tiring but it's ace I wish I'd met DP five years earlier and had time to have four!
Also - I am still the same as I was iykwim, I hate cooking and cleaning, read loads of books on my kindle whilst breastfeeding newborns, watch newsnight, listen to radio, am interested in loads of stuff. I'm less interested in clothes and getting drunk but that's no bad thing.
If you're ready then go for it. By the way there's never a 'perfect' time. I have 4DC and am very content. When I met my DH at 31 we both wanted the same thing and I guess it was the right stage in our lives to start a family. It's certainly been a new chapter in my life - very different from what went before.
The reasons you give for wanting to start a family are all very valid and so YANBU. Try not to 'overthink' it all too much though.
I think you have to be prepared for the fact that your life will change immeasurably but IMO it's often for the better. My DH is very supportive and that's definitely helped. We've had a lot of difficult times (very premature twins and subsequent disabilities) - obviously we didn't plan that but I guess you have to be prepared for the unexpected.
Everyone has horror stories. I've got many tucked up my sleeve... Difficult births, sleep deprivation, toddler meltdowns etc. etc. but you can choose to focus on the negative or positive. I choose the latter and it's probably a bit easier as my children are older now so things aren't as intense as the early days. I don't think anything can prepare you for the love you feel as a parent and I feel very lucky to be a mum. I get a lot of satisfaction from watching my family grow up and venture out into the world. DH and I support them as best as we can and we have lots of fun. I can honestly say it's the best thing that's happened to me. Good luck!
Nothing wrong with your reasons, OP. Let's face it, most of us just want children, we don't rationalise it and we don't have to.
My children make me incredibly happy. Having them has also increased my love for DH enormously and deepened our bond. Dare I say it, I'm probably a better, more understanding person since becoming a mother, too.
I'm much happier now than I was before I had kids. I have 3 dds - 7, 5 and 2. I think it was because I found something I was good at - I'm good with kids - who knew?
They drive me to distractions sometimes, I had 1 dreadful sleeper, another exceptionally early riser and one that doesn't like to eat.
But I found something I really enjoyed doing. I treat it like a job sometimes which helps. I also have low standards re cleaning, cooking, I'm not a martyr . I have also been with my husband for 20 years so we knew each other inside out before the kids and I think that helped - there was no niggling rows, resentment.
LaQueen, your post is lovely.
To others who suggested I may actally have had PND, yes of course, it is possible. We emigrated back to my home country when DD was 9 months old, and there's only 18 months between her and DS, so there was a HUGE amount going on when they were both very young - selling our house in London, living a somewhat gypsy lifestyle in the lead up to, and following that, etc.
Emigrating is huge in the toll it takes, and adding in a baby and a toddler to the mix, and yes, you do have a recipe for PND.
I'm away with the kids this weekend - just up to my parents' house, and for the first time, as LaQ describes, I've only had to pack one suitcase for all three of us - it is liberating not to be weighed down with all the ludicrous baby-related paraphernalia...!! It's sunny up here, and DH will be joining us at the end of the week. My children are delightful little personalities, and we are so lucky that the stork delivered them where he did.
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