The third DC - the marriage wrecker??

(94 Posts)
TheCountessOlenska Sat 18-May-13 20:42:48

Someone I know was saying that she reckons that when the third child comes along is when the husband goes bonkers and runs off with his secretary. She said she knows loads of couples this has happened to (I know of two of them myself to be fair)

So, surely this isn't true of the general population??

HollyBerryBush Sat 18-May-13 21:15:16

Number 3 is the financial killer - and finances are what usually break a relationship

WorrySighWorrySigh Sat 18-May-13 21:23:18

We seem to have survived this marital death knell so far. DH has suggested that as I am his secretary and accountant that we should run away together leaving our three teenage DCs to go feral (spot the difference).

RiceBurner Sat 18-May-13 21:29:55

I know lots of couples, (including me and my DH), with 3 children who haven't split up after the 3rd DC, but none of them (including us) were terrible hard up. So I can't comment on the financial pressure issue. I guess if you can't afford a 3rd DC, having one might be the straw which breaks the marriage? But otherwise I know lots of couples who were very happy to have a 3rd child.

NewFerry Sat 18-May-13 21:30:22

We have 3 and will be celebrating 27 years together in the summer, and no 3 was our surprise baby.
Anecdotally, all the divorced couples I know have 2 children.

Actually, dc3 was much easier to than the first 2, and yes, financially we are still on fairly cheap hols while our friends with 2 are starting to have luxury hols, but I would much rather have dc3 all year than 2 weeks in a luxury hotel.

HollyBerryBush Sat 18-May-13 21:31:02

What happens when child 4 or 5 comes along?

TheCountessOlenska Sat 18-May-13 21:32:12

grin Worry

I only started this thread because I sometimes fancy going for a third but if I'm honest numbers 1 & 2 have put a lot of stress on our relationship - I don't think we're cut out for a large family!

TheCountessOlenska Sat 18-May-13 21:35:05

Holly I assume one goes through some kind of pain barrier with number 3 and any after that you barely notice grin

We don't have financial pressure but if anything dc3 brought us closer, we were so totally knackered in the first year after dc3 arrived that we actually became kinder to each other, there was a sort of companionship in the struggle to get through the days, too tired to play the "who is the tiredest" competition that featured most strongly for us after having dc1 smile.

I think if you have the kind of DH who buggers off when things get a bit tough or is inclined towards an affair then it may happen after 3rd dc but could just as easily happen at any time your relationship hits a bit of a challenging time or a lapdancer sticks her breasts in his face

greenformica Sat 18-May-13 21:41:58

I know lots of big families and no hubbies have run off at the third.

Almostfifty Sat 18-May-13 21:43:02

Our third arrived well before we'd planned him, but he's just the most lovely boy in the world.

Off to Uni next year, I'll miss him (but not his angst) madly.

okthen Sat 18-May-13 21:43:35

Maybe (if indeed true) it's partly because, by the time a couple have their third child, they are generally a little older and heading into mid-life crisis territory? So it's the time id life rather than the number of kids. Search me- sadly I've seen couples with no children, one child, two, three, four children split up.

Molehillmountain Sat 18-May-13 21:48:59

God, it has been hellishly tough at times having three, mainly because number three, gorgeous dd2 has been and still is a shocking sleeper. Two years in I think it has made us stronger but only in the sense that you feel stronger for having got through something tough. I guess we've been through tough enough stuff to know we're pretty strong, including me having a huge career crisis and finding out that we needed a donor to conceive because dh doesn't produce sperm, but this has been much tougher because we're so tired and over stretched that all the stuff that we used to do when things got tough, like spend money, get away from it all and generally relax, aren't options.
I can really understand why some couples would crumble under the pressure.

Molehillmountain Sat 18-May-13 21:50:04

Having a third child has been the embodiment of the saying "what doesn't break you will make you stronger"

Sushiqueen Sat 18-May-13 21:52:29

I only know October one couple that split up after having their third.
In their case though it was the wife that had the affair and ended the marriage and that was less than a year after the third one was born.

I'm my parents third. My dad started shagging around when my mum was pregnant with me.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sat 18-May-13 22:01:05

We didnt plan to have 3. In fact we had definitely stopped at 2 but no.3 exists as proof that 90 odd % reliable is not the same as 100% reliable.

We wouldnt hand her back for the world.

Seeing the three DCs (aged 17-13) plus the cat in a dog pile on top of DH to watch Doctor Who is a mental picture I will carry always.

PastaBeeandCheese Sat 18-May-13 22:12:40

Never really thought about it before but for what it is worth I'm one of three and my Dad ran off with a work colleague after DSis3 was born.

I think the gap was hard for them. DSis is 10 years younger than me so perhaps they had forgotten what it was like to have a baby again and this created stress.

It won't put me off considering a 3rd but I've always been adamant I personally don't want a big gap.

My aunts 3rd child was the 'sticky plaster' that couldn't hold the marriage together. But her husband was a bit of a mammas boy wussy pants still is

Oops.. he couldn't 'handle' being a grown up because his mum treated him like a wittuw beebee boya and told him to leave as he could do better shock my aunt is no supermodel and she's not perfect but bloody hell it was harsh!

hazeyjane Sat 18-May-13 22:21:13

Dh and I have been so knackered since ds, our 3rd, that I don't think either of us could be arsed to run off with someone else.

Hmmm, dc3 is almost three weeks old ex dp left when dc1 was 7 months though, then he passed me on the stairs twice shock pretty much grin. Don't want to think about my child are bill for 3 when I go back to work (ex dp certainly won't!!) maybe I'll break the mould and find a dp now I have three dc grin

mumeeee Sat 18-May-13 22:25:29

Nope not true here. DH and I have 3 children and are are still happily married after 28 years,

sweetkitty Sat 18-May-13 22:29:22

My third child is an absolute dream, couldn't ask for a better behaved child, she has her moments yes but she's an angel. So much so that DP said when she was months old "lets have one more" then we had no4 and he's the one that's driven us mad grin

I think the third child thing is an excuse, of my friends that have split up, two have no children, two have two and one had five hmm

TheSecondComing Sat 18-May-13 22:31:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reelingintheyears Sat 18-May-13 22:36:07

We have three,luckily DP didn't have a secretary. wink

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