To not contribute to manager's leaving present?

[annabanana84]

Manager has been with us less than a year. She is leaving (hurrah!).

She is a horrible person, and other 4 people in my dept think so too up to some degree, but I really have tried hard to include her, to make conversation etc. She talks down to us all on a daily basis, often reducing us to tears. Also, her opinion is the only one that's always right.

Now she's leaving, the whole company is doing a collection for her to buy her a leaving present, and my department are doing a separate one from us. They're asking for £5 each person which tbh I will struggle to afford anyway, but I think to myself when does it end. We do collections for birthdays, people leaving, Christmas presents, people doing charity sponsored events...it gets ridiculous and because I don't particularly like this girl, neither can afford it, I want to refuse to put any money in her collection. Am I being mean spirited?

Also, how to say I am not going to be putting any money in? I work with a group of strong willed bitches women, who won't like one bit that I am not contributing. Also, what do I do when the manager thanks everyone for present thinking I contributed, what do I say?

[fryingpantoface]

Just say that as you aren't particularly friendly with the Manager, you won't be putting anything in. It's not mean spirited. Just don't sign the card and then no one can say you are claiming the present as your own

[nenevomito]

No YANBU. Give a little something, but £5 for someone you don't like is another matter.

[MrsMcEnroe]

I agree. Don't contribute, don't sign the card, and don't apologise for either!

[TheCrackFox]

What MrsMcenroe said, with bells on.

Why give £5 for someone you can't stand and will never see again, especially when you can't afford it?

[Alliwantisaroomsomewhere]

If you don't pay the £5 you will feel a little bad for about a minute. If you do pay the £5 you will be short of money and will feel bad for however long it takes for you to get more money.

Don't pay up. Just try to be strong and not be bullied into contributing to the gift.

[SirChenjin]

I wouldn't - and won't if the time ever comes. Perhaps it might encourage her to think about her behaviour? Probaly not - that kind of person (who usually prides themselves on not going to work to be popular) has skin so thick you could make shoes and a matching handbag from it

[AwkwardSquad]

It's really not on to dictate how much people put in a leaving gift at the best of times, let alone when you dislike the person ( for good reason). YANBU.

OTO, £5 is cheap at half the price to see the back of the cow

[ilovesooty]

I wouldn't contribute: I'd feel hypocritical.

[Slippysnow]

I agree with ^^

Similar thing happened to me, a colleague was leaving after making me miserable everyday. A collection came round to me I just said no Thankyou I don't want to contribute as we weren't on the best terms, she barely got anything. Showed her how her behaviour made others feel, serves her right

[MogTheForgetfulCat]

If my manager left I would hang out bunting and do a celebratory dance as soon as he was out of the door. No way would I pay a penny towards a leaving present and would be happy to explain why! Nor would I feel bad about it. If it would leave you short to pay the fiver, don't do it - yanbu.

[greenformica]

Just say you are far too skint and don't want to give anyway. Don't go into details but repeat when necessary.

[Lilypad34]

No way, never feel pressure to go
against your feelings. Stick to your guns.

[annabanana84]

Thanks for all your replies. Glad i'm NBU!

When she goes round thanking everyone for present, what can I say though, as I'm sure she will do it when other department colleagues are around?

[acrabadabra]

I have refused on a couple of occasipns in the last few years. Said I wasn't a hypocrite when asked why.

Have contributed to others in the past though when less able to speak up. Very passive aggressive of me at the time but I remember writing in the card that "I hope you get everything you deserve in the future"

[LadySlatternlysHoover]

When she goes round thanking everyone for present, what can I say

Say "No really, it was nothing"

You would be telling the truth

[Lavenderhoney]

No, you don't like her and she has only been there a short time.
When the envelope comes to you, drop it on the desk behind you, crossing your name out. You don't have to say anything? Just don't sign the card when that comes round, or attend the leaving do.

If they actually come round with a box for money, just say " oh gosh,no I cant contribute, totally skint this month!" If pushed add " she would be very embarrased if I contributed, she made my life here quite unpleasant and it would be wrong if me to put money in. I'm sure she had plenty of good friends here who will make sure she gets something nice"

Or something like that.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

Do you work with me OP Your work environment sounds pretty fucking similar to mine, except the wicked witch of the west departed my place last year.

I didn't put to her collection and was prepared to say why, if asked by the pack of bitches my colleagues.

No one asked.

YANBU. Spend the fiver on a bottle of vino that's a cracking half price deal and celebrate her departure.

[CombineBananaFister]

I wouldn't put in either - £5 is a lot, especially when you don't like them. You can be honest without being mean, saying you didn't get on that well so you won't be contributing isn't awful, she is a work colleague not a friend.

Hate that feeling 'pressurized to put in or being seen as a tightarse' thing, got over it a long time ago and now just do it when it's someone that's been there a while or who I genuinely cared about. Spend your money on who you like, not who you feel obliged to and don't care what anyone thinks.

[Bumpotato]

I'm happy not to contribute to a collection if it someone I don't know very well or like very much.

The only exception was on my first day on a new job, it transpired that one of the workers had died over the weekend. I'd not had the chance to work or get to know him obviously. Someone suggested that everyone on the floor donate a tenner to give to his wife. There were in excess of 300 people there and everyone gave a tenner (it was a massive warehouse converted into a huge open plan office). I did too because I would have felt a meanie arguing that one even though I'd never met the guy.

[ShadowStorm]

YANBU, given how you feel about her.

I think it's a bit much demanding that everyone puts in a set amount too. Even if you really liked her, that kind of thing just doesn't take into account how much any one person can afford to spend on work collections.

[expatinscotland]

I wouldn't put in a penny.

[CrapBag]

YANBU. I hate this constant just chipping in for this/just contribute for that crap. Does my nut in when you feel you have to and you don't want to.

Don't pay, it has nothing to do with your collegues.

[Olderkidsaremine]

I didn't want to contribute to a 'big' birthday collection, and said I didn't have any cash - which was true, the person doing the collection was a bit uhmm but she got her own back - I didn't get a birthday card from my section although she was quite happy to tell everyone to have a cake that I had left in the staff room. She's not been pulled up on it ...yet!!

[Bumpotato]

My current workplace have a good system ... No collections but just a card to sign. If a gift is appropriate the company pays for it.