To expect Best Man to wear suit, shirt with collar and tie??!!

(93 Posts)
frissonpink Thu 16-May-13 11:23:54

I'm blaming MIL wink

Basically, DH to be and I are 25. DH has an older brother and a younger one, but would like younger one (18yrs)to be 'Best Man.'

To all intents and purposes, he really won't be, as he doesn't want to do a speech, wants to hang out with his GF and 'not sit with the adults' etc. (don't ask) BUT he will be the ring bearer.

So basically, as far as we're concerned, he's the ring bearer. DH has got his best mate (in his 30's) to do 'Best Man' duties - speech etc, and we're all happy with that (including younger brother who heaved a sigh of relief when offered that) and DH to be who admits that younger brother really not up to job!

Anyway, MIL keeps referring to her youngest as the "Best Man' Fine, call him what you want I thought...

However, it now transpires that she didn't buy him a navy suit (to tie in with groom and wedding party) because 'he didn't want one and you know what teenagers are like' and now she's gone and bought him a collarless shirt to wear for the wedding because 'that's what he wanted'

Erm. He's supposed to be in navy with a purple coloured tie.

WTAF?!

<twirls and has slight bridezilla moment> grin

Seriously though! What do you suggest?! He will look ridiculous next to groom, actual best man, my brother, my dad etc etc.

I'm really annoyed with MIL too (who I don't particularly get on with, so I'm thinking she's encouraging this on purpose)

A wedding is not the time to be trendy etc.imo. I might add, we offered to pay for suit, tie etc so it's not that I'm expecting them to put hands in pockets.

We would just like him to look smart on the day and not like a knob.

AIBU?

WilsonFrickett Thu 16-May-13 11:26:18

<strokes hair>

He won't look ridiculous, just different. FWIW, my DH has been an usher more than once but won't wear full Highland dress (we're Scottish) so will only wear a kilt and casual shirt. It looks fine in the photos.

He will not look worse than a friend's BM who turned up in a yellow shirt and comedy tie, believe you me!

It will be fine. You won't remember it after the wedding, I promise.

Smartiepants79 Thu 16-May-13 11:29:57

Oh dear he sounds very precious.
He is 18 not 8.
If he wants to be involved he should man up and wear what the others are wearing.
If he is just a ring bearer get him a nice little suit with a dickie bow! grin
What does the groom think? It's his family after all.
Personally I think you are well within your rights to have a stompy strop and insist he joins in with the spirit of it all. He sounds very immature and a bit of a twat.

KansasCityOctopus Thu 16-May-13 11:32:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vakant Thu 16-May-13 11:33:34

Does it really matter so long as he looks reasonably smart? We asked all guests to wear whatever they wanted to our wedding, be that a suit or jeans and t-shirt. It was more important that everyone felt comfortable and enjoyed themselves on the day. Honestly, on the day you won't care, you'll be enjoying yourself too much to even notice.

frissonpink Thu 16-May-13 11:34:07

Thanks for the hair stroke, I needed it! grin

Oh, I know, I know, it's hardly important really, but just AGHHH.

Everyone else I know manages to have a normal wedding with normally dressed relatives, but no, I have to have in-laws who like to be bloody weird!

Groom hasn't found out yet. He will hit the roof I think!

WilsonFrickett Thu 16-May-13 11:36:09

At my friend's wedding no-one had even given it a thought because he was travelling from overseas, they just assumed he'd be 'smart' and left it at that.

Anorak and a spongebob squarepants tie. In all the pics. Oh my days.

frissonpink Thu 16-May-13 11:36:19

vakant I think it just matters in that, if we had said to everyone, where what you want, he wouldn't stand out!

As it is, the rest of the men are wearing the same theme (not identical, but to all intents and purposes, the same) - he'll look like a right idiot!

LaQueen Thu 16-May-13 11:38:15

I have little time for this sort of precious behaviour...if you want to exercise your inner individuality, and speshulness through the medium of clothes...then that's fine.

But, don't do it in a formal, traditonal setting where it may well bring offence to others.

Had similar with FIL (and, yes I blamed MIL, too) at our wedding. According to MIL, FIL didn't feel inclined to wear the same attire as the rest of the men in the wedding party...so last minute, she scurried about getting him a new suit.

I didn't feel inclined to let FIL get away with such precious behaviour, and I knew DH would be upset...so I ordered in his outfit, took it over to their house, delivered it to FIL with steely glare, but nice words...he wore the outfit. And, very nice he looked to.

Cailinsalach Thu 16-May-13 11:38:50

Ooooh. I had to wag my loaded finger in DS1 son's face to make him dress appropriately for a wedding. He was about 24 at the time so old enough to have sense but hadn't sense at all. He thought he was a maverick, interesting and profound when in fact he was acting like a twat.

His mate took him to one side and told him he would look silly being in a tie dye t shirt, ripped jeans and vans. (sigh, I do love him though). If your dbil is wearing some sort of suit/shirt combo I would be happy, but my standards are low.

I don't think it really matters? Are there ushers or is it just him plus the other best man? Presumably the fathers aren't wearing identical suit, tie etc along with these. He just won't be obviously part of the group of best men / ushers in the photos. When DH has been a best man, usher or groom the men have never worn identical clothes and it hasn't been a problem.

frissonpink Thu 16-May-13 11:41:10

TBH, it's my mum who's upset at the minute.

Parents are paying for the wedding, we have a nice photographer booked, it's in a beautiful church etc. Mum feels like MIL should be putting her foot down and is annoyed that MIL feels DBIL's feelings are more important than mine on my 'big day'

Plus, obviously, think mum is worried what her friends will be thinking if I'm honest!

AThingInYourLife Thu 16-May-13 11:42:17

I would not bother making a fuss about this.

It really doesn't matter.

He'll look fine.

Cailinsalach Thu 16-May-13 11:42:29

Oooh I just had a thought!

Make him carry a red velvet cushion. This will give you a strong position from which to negotiate....ok we'll drop the cushion if you wear the suit...

Your welcome!

kneedeepindaisies Thu 16-May-13 11:42:52

Don't worry my bil turned up in something totally outrageous. I can't say what because it would totally out me in real life grin I think it worked because he is totally outrageous.

What I'm trying to say is try not to stress about it. Someone involved in a family wedding usually acts a bit twatty for various unknown reasons. No one will be looking at him anyway.

And Congratulations smile

Meant to say doesn't matter so long as it is a smart shirt, trousers etc, I wouldn't want jeans, t-shirt, trainers etc.

frissonpink Thu 16-May-13 11:44:07

Wedding Men

Image 7. We were hoping for this kind of look! (as in coordinated)

It's not really going to work if one has on a completely different coloured suit, no tie and a collarless shirt confused

diddl Thu 16-May-13 11:47:05

Why is he being "ring bearer"?

That's shit for the BM imo-not being able to do it all because someone else wants to pick & choose what they do.

I say let the BM do it all & the little brother be a guest.

18 & can't/won't give a speech on his brother's big day??!!

kneedeepindaisies Thu 16-May-13 11:47:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badguider Thu 16-May-13 11:47:53

My friend recently married his new DW who has a teenage son. Said son walked down the aisle in jeans and a shirt, obviously new and trendy but not 'smart'.
Everybody in the congregation was thinking 'i bet that's the outcome of a serious teenage stop' and were generally very empathetic towards the Step-D and DM but very aware that the teenager was clearly 'going through the difficult teenage years' - does your DBIL-to-be at 18 really want to be thought of like that??

frissonpink Thu 16-May-13 11:49:42

Shit has already hit the fan about the wedding - MIL hasn't been speaking to us for over a month because she didn't agree with who was/wasn't invited!

diddl I feel the same tbh...actually, if anything, this latest stunt might convince DH that DBIL is not the right person to do the job hopefully!

he's ring bearer as a compromise and to keep MIL happy (except that I don't think my happiness is quite on the same radar to her!)

diddl Thu 16-May-13 11:51:28

To keep MIL happy??

On the say so of husband to be?

RUN!!

Seriously-she's had her day & this is yours!

ControlGeek Thu 16-May-13 11:54:18

I found my old wedding photos a couple of weeks ago and was stunned to realise that I had blanked out all memory of forgotten that my ex-DH's best man turned up in an orange jumper (apparently ok'd by ex-DH!!!)

frissonpink Thu 16-May-13 11:54:56

Oh, I've already told her that in no uncertain terms grin (hence why she hasn't spoken to us for a month!!!) She didn't like being told it was my wedding day and not hers.

It wasn't on sayso of husband to be, I was trying to be nice.

The woman is a loon!

SchnitzelVonKrumm Thu 16-May-13 11:55:05

Get him a little page boys's outfit with knickerbockers and then see if he wants to dress like an adult grin

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