To think that you don't charge people for attending a party?

(130 Posts)
amiapartypooper Thu 16-May-13 10:25:49

DH and I have been invited to a party for a couple we know. They are both 40 within a couple of weeks of each other and have hired the local golf for their party.

It's not a surprise or anything, the invite has come from them but says they would appreciate it if people could contribute £15 per couple towards the costs.

I think this is just for food as I do know it doesn't include drinks as the golf club has a bar.

AIBU to think that if you organise a party at a private venue, you dont charge people to attend. If it was a meal out then fair enough, everyone would pay their own way.

Is this the start of a new trend? Are people going to start asking parents to contribute to children's birthday parties soon?

DeskPlanner Thu 16-May-13 12:31:38

Ooh, I want to read the other thread. Wonder if it would be easy to find.

Groovee Thu 16-May-13 12:38:49

There was a christening thread when the mother wanted £15 per couple.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 16-May-13 12:41:48

Was that it?

I am sure I read about the couple having a party, and the party was a joint one, halfway between their birthdays, and they wanted guests to contribute.

Unless I am putting bits of more than one thread together confused

you know when you read a thread and you think I just know I've read this before? That's what I thought when I read this one.

I suppose it could be bits of a pay christening and a joint birthday thread. I've tried to look for it, but I can't think of a keyword that isn't returning over 500 posts!

DeskPlanner Thu 16-May-13 12:44:59

I read the christening thread. It was shocking.

I've just done a search for a thread similar to this, but can't find it. But if you do a search for party paying, it brings up some brilliant threads. grin

LemonPeculiarJones Thu 16-May-13 12:45:24

Don't go, OP.

They chose to have a party. Why the fuck should you pay for the privilege of attending?!

Weddings are different, because its traditional to bring a pressie, whether its an object or a contribution to a honeymoon.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 16-May-13 12:49:32

It's unreasonable if they're expecting a present too.

But... in my circle of friends, I am pretty much ALWAYS the host. It's hard work, stressful and costs money. I think if all your friends take their turn, then it's unreasonable to charge. But, if like me, you are fed up with always hosting, then perhaps it is fair to charge.

BlackAffronted Thu 16-May-13 12:50:31

I definitely read a thread about a couple having a joint 40th because there birthdays were a week apart & were charging for the party. I think it went into more dteail than this thread ahs, if I remember rightly. It was definitely months rather than weeks ago.

OhLori Thu 16-May-13 12:55:55

I think it breaks the delicate social contract of being a "host", and being a "guest". When you are able to host a party at a "venue", a charming and wonderful social contract is set up, which is why it is a privilege well-off or generous people both enjoy and benefit from. People are grateful and enjoy the giving aspect. They often "give" in return (think present or goodwill).

Charging is a weird materialist precedent. I think your hosts sound rather socially inept, tbh, and would have been better off organising a generous party at their house (total cost probably less than £200).

Awomansworth Thu 16-May-13 13:00:21

My children were once invited to a party (family members child). We accepted the invitation, then a couple of days before the party we were sent a text to say, that not only were we expected to pay for the entrance fee, but the food as well!

Needless to say we didn't go...

shinny Thu 16-May-13 13:11:33

YANBU. I wouldn't go. I was once invited to a party and asked to eat before I arrived, bring a bottle and ensure that if my kids attended they were to be kept under control. Didn't go to that one either.

amiapartypooper Thu 16-May-13 13:29:02

I'd love it if you could find the other thread- it can't have been this party if it was a while ago but I'd love to hear how it turned out!

I have NC for this but I promise I have never posted about it before, I really did only get the invite last night and have been fizzing since then.

It is awful to think that this might start to become common place- I'll stop going to parties I think!

DeskPlanner Thu 16-May-13 13:33:33

I think I remember that thread. Wish I could find it.

awful.

if you can't afford it, hold it at home and make your own food. or have afternoon tea and cakes with no booze. very cheap but you get to see everyone.

BlueberryHill Thu 16-May-13 13:41:39

I wondered why I found it grating, I would pay more than £15 at a restaurant for someone's birthday but would be quite offended by being expected to pay at a party that someone hosted at a private club. I think that OhLori has it.

I would go if it was someone I knew well and liked (although I cannot think of anyone I know that well who would charge) but refuse if I didn't know them that well.

Has anyone found the other thread? Could it have been deleted?

expatinscotland Thu 16-May-13 13:42:49

Appears to be a trend. That sucks. I would decline this invite and any other like it.

so if the vol-au-vents aren't up to scratch do i get to complain?

ilovexmastime Thu 16-May-13 14:43:29

I find this very rude.

I wrote on another thread about how we once went to a wedding and had to pay for our own food, which was bad enough - especially as we never received a thank you for the money we gave them as a present either - but this is worse I think. I wouldn't go, not if they weren't close friends.

BumpAndGrind Thu 16-May-13 14:48:01

I can't find the christening thread - link please smile

Kendodd Thu 16-May-13 15:00:34

I went to a friends party in a pub recently, we had to pay in advance if we wanted a meal. Sit down meal, only one thing on the menu. I didn't mind at all. People were given the option, they could just go along and not eat and that was absolutely fine.

I do think 'bring and share' parties are just as good though, or do people object to them as well? A lot of people on this thread seem of the opinion that if you can't pay for all the food/drinks you shouldn't have a party. I may be reading it wrong though.

CarolBornAMan Thu 16-May-13 15:13:58

I remember christening one as well - was about same time as the other classic of the facebook non wedding invite but asking for money anyway fiasco!

Decoy Thu 16-May-13 15:18:05

YANBU. Parties are about showing a warm welcome and generous hospitality to your guests. You provide for your guests, and when you go to their party, they provide for you. It all evens out in the end so there's no need for people to rudely expect others to pay!

expatinscotland Thu 16-May-13 15:22:45

Not wrong with bring and share,but these folks are charging for the venue hire. That's rude.

Bunbaker Thu 16-May-13 15:44:50

I would love to hear from someone who has "hosted" a PAYG party. Did many people turn up?

StealthOfficialCrispTester Thu 16-May-13 15:51:23

There was a thread about joint birthdays I think where the guests were exoected to bring food drink (even those travelling hundreds kf miles (and the party was in the garden. In winter.

ipswitch Thu 16-May-13 15:54:59

Is very rude and I would not go.
Woundnt mind taking a plate of food to share, but not happy to contribute to the venue hire.
Rude Rude Rude.
Bet no-one goes

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now