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AIBU?

to not enrol ds in nursery because I have emetophobia

68 replies

TeaCuresEverything · 15/05/2013 21:26

please be gentle ladies, I know IABU but I can't help it.

I have emetophobia, which is a fear of vomit. its quite severe and it makes being a mum hard. I panic whenever ds looks peaky and if he is actually sick I barely hold myself together.

ds is 2.8yo and an only - mainly due to this phobia. he doesn't have any cousins so the only other children he mixes with are my friends children, though not very often.

I am going to see a nursery tomorrow with view to enrolling him there for 2 mornings a week. this is to give him a chance to mix with other children. I know he needs this, he is quite shy and reserved around other children at the moment.

but I am so scared of the thought of him picking up sick bugs from nursery. every one I speak to tells me to "prepare myself" for it. I don't want to let this phobia hold my lovely ds back. its the bane of my life. I've tried many different therapies to beat it, to no avail.

is anyone else in a similar situation? or has any coping techniques for me?

OP posts:

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squeakytoy · 15/05/2013 21:29

Sorry but I think you do have to try and face this head on.. it really isnt something you can avoid, and not fair on your child to exclude him on that basis either.

Have you tried hypnotherapy?

TravelinColour · 15/05/2013 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuietNinjaTardis · 15/05/2013 21:30

I don't think ds has ever got a sick bug from nursery. Chickenpox, various cold bugs but no sick bugs. He has only been sick about 5 times in his life though and he's 3.5 so maybe we've just been lucky in that respect?
I don't really have advice as I don't have that phobia but there's a possibility he won't catch sickness bugs. How is his health generally? I think nursery has been quite good for ds immune system, he's rarely ill. I'm sure someone will be along with better advice for you.

Littlefish · 15/05/2013 21:30

I agree that you need to look at treatment for yourself. Even if you decide not to send him to nursery, what are you going to do when he reaches school age?

WilsonFrickett · 15/05/2013 21:31

Oh bless you. I don't have any coping strategies, other than to say that if he doesn't mix with other children now, all you'll do is postpone the inevitable to when he starts school. They all go through a phase of picking up bugs and it's usually when they start to 'mix'.

That said, my DS is 7 and I can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of times he has been sick. He tends to catch coughs and colds, but not sick bugs. So it may not be as bad as you think.

You are doing the right thing for your DS.

TeaCuresEverything · 15/05/2013 21:31

yes, hypnotherapy, cbt, exposure, everything . . I have improved in that I no longer fear being sick myself but I'm no better when it comes to others being ill, especially ds as I come into such close contact with it when he is ill.

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LeaveTheBastid · 15/05/2013 21:31

He will get more colds, viral infections and similar than he will vomiting bugs. Parents tend not to send children in if they're vomiting, but will if they have a snotty nose. DD hasn't yet had a vomiting bug from nursery, but is currently off with chickenpox.

No suggestions for you, sounds awful if it is that extreme and therapy hasn't worked. Hopefully someone will be along who is more help!

FreshLeticia · 15/05/2013 21:32

he is going to get the bugs when he starts school anyway tbh.
Is there any way you can get some decent therapy to help you cope? I think coping strategies would be really helpful. Perhaps you could do this during some of the time he is at nursery. At least we are hitting the summer now so there shouldn't be any nasties until next Autumn, which would give you time to prepare yourself.
I know it's not easy to deal with, but start now and hopefully you will overcome it

AgentProvocateur · 15/05/2013 21:33

What squeakytoy said. It's really not fair on your DC to let your phobias curtail his life. If you don't let him go to nursery, the potential vomiting will be an issue at school. I know it's hard, but you can't keep him isolated due to your fears. Are you getting help with your phobia?

juneau · 15/05/2013 21:33

I think my DS had one sick bug from nursery in three years! Coughs, colds and fevers - yes, loads of those. Your little boy is going to go to school when he's 4, so he's going to be exposed to other DC and AFAIK it's actually better to expose them to things as they build up a stronger immune system and actually get less ill, in the long run.

squeakytoy · 15/05/2013 21:33

If its any consolation, I have never had a vomiting bug in my life and am 43 now. I put it down to a childhood of exposure to every bug going, a healthy interest in being covered in dirt most of the time, and a very unsterile environment, which led to a robust immune system.

FrancesHouseman · 15/05/2013 21:34

No sick-bugs from nursery here either, but as QuietNinja says, plenty of snotty noses and chickenpox. DD is 6 now and I can't remember the last time she vomited. Do you think the friend that warned you perhaps mentioned 'sickness' as a more general poorliness thing and you interpreted it as 'vomiting'?

Kiriwawa · 15/05/2013 21:34

my DS has been in childcare since he was a baby and he's only been sick once in 6 years. Its not inevitable

Good luck with it - you have my sympathy

FannyBazaar · 15/05/2013 21:34

Has your DS actually been sick? Not all children get vomitting bugs, if they're going to get them, they can pick them up anywhere.

Scruffey · 15/05/2013 21:35

My ds never got a vomiting bug from nursery. He did from school though. I think the pros outweigh the cons re him going to nursery.

CrazyOldCatLady · 15/05/2013 21:36

I'm emetophobic too, so I understand how you feel. My two kids are in creche and they really do get far more colds and infections than vomiting bugs - I think we've had two vomiting bugs in two and a half years.

Is your DS's dad around? When our two are vomiting DH tends to deal with them, because he understands how I feel about it, and it makes a huge difference to my sanity peace of mind.

Saski · 15/05/2013 21:36

TeaCuresEverything - I have a moderate case of this.

Is your husband supportive? I find that having someone who doesn't mock me & who is offers to run interference allows me to become involved a bit more with each sickness episode, in a way that is not forced on me.

I've found that with each bout, I come out a wee bit stronger. Good luck. PM me if you like. X

Springforward · 15/05/2013 21:37

If he doesn't pick up bugs in nursery, he will when he starts school, unfortunately.

Have you spoken to your GP about getting some help with your phobia?

TeaCuresEverything · 15/05/2013 21:37

thank you , your comments are really
helpful. sadly the hospital say there's nothing more they can do for me as I've tried everything there is. I am definitely better than I was, even a year ago I was too scared to let him see other children, now I know he needs to. my greatest fear of all is that he will also develop this phobia as a learned behaviour. I hope I can be strong if it does happen.

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Saski · 15/05/2013 21:38

Here's my other bit of advice; when my kids are ill in a non-vomiting way i.e. up all night with ear infections, I do everything. This makes me feel less guilty about detaching when vomiting is involved.

TigerseyeMum · 15/05/2013 21:39

I am emetophobic. You have my sympathy. But. You said in one sentence that no therapy had worked. Then you said in another that CBT had helped because you were now sold to cope with yourself being I'll, just not others.

Therefore you may find it beneficial to return to therapy at this point in time for more work on your phobia.

Think of it like a staircase - you can't jump from the bottom to the top, but in one bout of therapy you may be able to climb half way up. With another bout of therapy you may get from half way up to the top.

Please try it, if your child is under 2 under NHS guidelines you should get prioritised and be seen (slightly) quicker.

pigletmania · 15/05/2013 21:39

Yes it is a grat idea to send your ds into nursery, he needs that social interaction with other children. What are you going to do once he goes to school and he will legally have to go. You cannot te phobia ruin yur ds life, you need to continue the therapies

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TigerseyeMum · 15/05/2013 21:39

Able, not sold. Sold doesn't make sense, no idea where it came from.

TeaCuresEverything · 15/05/2013 21:40

I do have a dh and he tries to be understanding. he will look after him if he is ill. he gets frustrated though! annoyed, and I can understand that.

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Saski · 15/05/2013 21:40

Honestly, it will get easier. The ugly truth is that you will be exposed to vomiting quite a lot as a mother and unlike other phobias (like spiders, for example) - you'll feel compelled to intervene and with each intervention, you will become stronger. I promise.

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