To be irked by SIL

(26 Posts)
roadkillbunny Mon 13-May-13 21:32:30

I am not all too sure why the following is bugging me, but it is and I would like some insight into if I have any right to be annoyed and if indeed my SIL is in fact in the right for being annoyed with me!

We are having a new kitchen fitted. It has taken us years to get the landlord to do this and is despritly needed, the kitchen is as old as the house, built in the early 80's.

Due to the fact the house is in fact a postage stamp myself, DH and the 2 DC need to move out of the house for at least the first week of the process as on top of no food prep the living room will be like a staging area if old units out and new in. Kitchen and living room make up the whole ground floor, as I said, postage stamp!

We have only one reasonable place to go and that is my inlaws who live in a nearby (5 miles away) village. Due to the fact my eyes are still not fit to drive post surgery we needed to plan this for half term as getting the children to school in our village would be very difficult and relay on allot if good will from others.

In an ideal world we would take a nice break away, visit my family up north or something however DH has just been made redundant so needs to be around for any interviews (he could be hopefully working again by then fingers crossed but if he is that would also rule out holiday so soon into a new job). I work freelance and have some work booked in during that week also so multiple reasons, the big one of the redundancy known to all.Tiana Coudray badminton 2013 cross country with the grandparents for her brood so her and her DH can have a little quality time. DH gives her the dates to SIL with me warning she wasn't going to like it. She didnt. She replied with 'oh but that's half term, would have thought you would go on holiday or at least roadkill would be grabbing the chance to go up north' . She is not happy at all that it won't be possible for her children to have an overnight while we are there.

This has annoyed me, more then it should I know. It is the lack of thought. Yes redundancy gives a lump sum but that is to keep us afloat while DH finds work, it's not for funding holidays or road trips and isn't exactly a large sum! I also irrationally I know, want to ask her how she thought I would get the children to school if we had not gone for starting the work half term. I know she wouldn't have known I had work on but she obviously knows DH is madly job hunting and interviewing and could easily (hopefully) have just started a new job, not exactly holiday booking time!

I shouldn't be annoyed I know, and I also have the petulant child in me saying that SIL is always using the inlaws for child care for them to go out or have a night off and (out of choice) we rarly ask anything of the inlaws in that way and when we do it almost always ends up with SIL asking MIL to have her three as well as our two which although MIL does so seemingly happily I do feel us a little unfair of the PIL and taking the mick somewhat.

Anyway, after all that, has SIL got a point, should we have planned to go away rather then staying with PIL?
Have we unfairly manopolised half term?
I know IABU to be pissed off though, really shouldn't let it get to me and is a pointless non problem. It is the PIL that count. It is they we are staying with and they agreed. It really has nothing to do with SIL so why has it annoyed me so much? (Sort answer to my own thread I would guess is I am worried, stressed out abit being the sole earner on my regular income of a whole £80 ish a month.)

Feel better now it's off my chest now actually. This post is epic. Congrats if you have made it this far, sorry and thanks!

Hassled Mon 13-May-13 21:37:59

It's annoyed you because she was pretty thoughtless, she gets quality time alone with her DH and from the sounds of it you don't, you have a shedload of worries and she's not supportive and also - well, she has a huge sense of entitlement.

But you're right - it's a non problem. She'll get over it, PILs are obliging and you'll have a nice new kitchen soon smile.

fuzzywuzzy Mon 13-May-13 21:38:13

Ignore her.

You rarely ever ask your IL's for favours this is a necessity, your planning for your DH also job hunting at the same time.

It's not a jolly it's the best of a rough situation for you.

Someday when your filthy rich send your ILs off on a cruise as a thank you....during the summer holidays that oughta really annoy SIL!

thegreylady Mon 13-May-13 21:39:50

YANBU at all your SIL is being selfish and as long as PIL are happy that's all that matters. but I don't get the Tiana Coudray bit at all.I hate to ask but it is bugging me-sorry.

CrapBag Mon 13-May-13 21:41:45

YANBU. She is clearly hacked off because she feels she can't offload her children when she should be looking after them in half term.

Don't bother talking to her about it. Carry on with your plans. If the ILs are happy to have you there then its got sod all to do with SIL anyway.

roadkillbunny Mon 13-May-13 21:42:26

Wohh, proof read god knows how that happened fail!
Where it says .Tiana Coudray badminton 2013 cross country it should read
SIL messaged us tonight to ask the dates we where staying with PIL so she could book an overnight with the PIL for her children.

gos to write 'I must proof read' 100 times especially when posting from phone with duds for hand and eyes

picnicbasketcase Mon 13-May-13 21:42:28

No, you haven't monopolised the holiday, it's nothing to do with your SIL that your ILs are doing you a favour. She is jealous that you are being helped instead of her. I wouldn't blame you for being extremely put out if every time they babysat for you, she got them to have her DC at the same time actually.

TwinTum Mon 13-May-13 21:49:49

We are a bit similar in that both my siblings live really near my parents and rely on them for ad hoc childcare and babysitting (my parents no longer commit to a definite number of days a week since they found it too prescriptive, but both use them as emergency childcare or at weekends or for overtime and so on. We live 4 hours away. My parents came to look after our DC for the weekend a couple of weeks ago so DH and I could go away for a weekend for our 10th anniversary. For some reason SIL was really annoyed about this. Didn't get it and my parents were happy about it so did not worry about it.

roadkillbunny Mon 13-May-13 21:53:44

Oh so many replays when I was poring my correction from proof reading failure!

Thank you for not calling me a child for being annoyed and I am glad for my own sanity that others see it the same way I do.

Yes, onwards and upwards with a new kitchen to boot!

I think it has annoyed me more as a few years ago SIL put her oar in something that had nothing to do with her between my PIL and I and gave things a good stir.

It was my own fault in that although I had provocation I had behaved extrely poorly and did to a point deserve what I got.
I learnt a great deal through that. I learnt that however wronged you have been it is never ever acceptable to mouth off, especially when you can be heard by others. I guess that although I was deserving of the crap I still resent her stirring and this has just highlighted how thoughtless and self serving she can be.
Thank you all though.

maddening Mon 13-May-13 22:00:38

Haha I thought that sil wanted to stay with pil due to badminton finals and cross country finals smile

Yanbu - I think it grates as you don't often ask and yours is more out of necessity than her request.

roadkillbunny Mon 13-May-13 22:23:52

Ha maddening think it must have happened because I somehow managed to paste the last thing I had copied, I had searched for Tiana Coudray's cross country round weekend before last so had somehow managed to hit paste. Could you imagine if the last thing I had copied and pasted was something less mildly random and more embarrassing or personal, don't even want to think about that, frightening reminder to always proof read!

So it's settled then, I am not in the wrong. SIL's behaviour is both irksome and thoughtless but as it really has nothing to do with her I stand up tall, ignore and carry one without letting her pull me down.
Thank you!

maddening Mon 13-May-13 22:32:04

I thought tiana coudray must be a big name in badminton grin

More interested if Badminton was involved having just been to Chatsworth horse trials!

Just ignore your sil. She'll get over it.

roadkillbunny Mon 13-May-13 22:55:14

I agree exit maybe the whole thing should be settled by holding a point to point, winner gets the inlaws for half term week!

(Not that it wouldn't give me an advantage given I am unsure is SIL has ever even sat on a horse and I am a freelance groom... Point to point it is!)

"we rarly ask anything of the inlaws in that way and when we do it almost always ends up with SIL asking MIL to have her three as well as our two"
Your SIL sounds rather, err .... - territorial? The PIL are hers, to do with as she pleases wink, to have PIL running after her,her,her! Suffice to say, YANBU and SIL sounds like a proper little madam self-centred arse.

roadkillbunny Tue 14-May-13 00:19:25

Should this be the point I say how SIL is a child minder and has got MIL all checked and certified as an assistant so MIL can go bail her out?

Starting to see SIL in a different light now in regards to this and other things. Shame. Thankfully I see very little of her.

RenterNomad Tue 14-May-13 09:24:30

Surely she can send her children over anyway, as there will be even more adults to children than usual, and you, DH and your DC can bunk in the garden so hers can have their "own" beds... no?

BlueberryHill Tue 14-May-13 09:43:34

roadkill we have a similar situation, SIL doesn't sound quite as bad as yours but it still feels as though she and her DS get first dibs. There isn't much you can do, would she still try to get the sleepover as well?

RenterNomad, my SIL does that to us as well, we have 3 kids, she has one. So we end up with extra work and she and her DH have a night off. Bloody annoying, we are knackered anyway and then we have 4 over hyped children to deal with, it is much harder work than when we just have our own 3.

RenterNomad Tue 14-May-13 09:50:51

BlueberryHill, do they dump their DC on you, or your PIL while you are there?

(BTW, I have now got the song "Blueberry Hill" stuck in my head!)

BlueberryHill Tue 14-May-13 09:59:27

At least its a good song.

It varies, sometimes we are at PILs and somehow DN turns up and then a sleepover is suggested or PILs are coming over to see us and then ask if they can bring DN over. We, rather DH as he is more tactful, have started to say no. PILs used to say that there were more adults than children so it was fine, however FIL is nearly 80, gets tired and so goes off to sleep / read and they aren't that hot on discipline so DH and I are then trying to manage 4 children, aged 6 and under. We have 2 yo twins so we are knackered anyway. SIL and BIL head out for a nice lunch / evening meal. It is much more tiring than just having our own children. PIL also pick up DN from school a night a week and have him over for nights etc so it feels a bit one sided at the moment.

MidniteScribbler Tue 14-May-13 10:02:28

She sounds like a pain, but why can't her kids come over as well while you are there? Set up a tent in the backyard and let them all go camping or put sleeping bags in front of the tv and let them watch movies. It might be nice for the cousins to get some time together.

melika Tue 14-May-13 10:03:48

I feel for you Roadkill, it's horrible how you are always sidelined by this manipulative person who feels she has the right.

I have several SILs who did this, but one in particular who had the God given right to have her four kids looked after for nothing while they went to work,by my MIL. She was so nice, she never said no. I rarely asked her because of this. Now she's passed away, this SIL still maintains that MIL loved looking after them! I dislike her very much for the way she abused the relationship and her kids were a handful. Up and down the road to nurseries and schools. She was worn ragged. In fact I think they took years off her life.

Get your new kitchen, hold your head high.
Don't feel bad, put it to the back of your mind now!thanks

RenterNomad Tue 14-May-13 10:25:05

By the way, next time don't say anything like, "You won't like it." She has no right to like or not like anything, as she doesn't own the GPs

roadkillbunny Tue 14-May-13 19:28:44

Thank you all for your take on this, helps the sanity!

I didn't say to SIL that she wouldn't like it, I warned DH who was the one passing the dates along. Probably completely unclear due to my proof reading mega fail!

Nothing further from her, we shall see, I wouldn't mind her kids stopping with PIL while we are there but the just wouldn't be room! I have arranged for dd to be out and about at things so not too much going on in the house for PIL. I don't think SIL thinks like that about her parents though. I guess I see them as 70 year old people who are although reasonably fit and healthy are at a life stage of slow down and enjoy. I think SIL still sees them as the younger people they where when she was young.

Anyway, thanks!

RenterNomad Wed 15-May-13 09:31:59

Good luck with the preparations for half term. smile

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