Stay at Home mums

(1000 Posts)
marilynmonroe Mon 13-May-13 21:01:55

There is something that has been bothering me for a while about being a stay at home mum.

I decided to stay at home with my kids after my second was born. I enjoyed my job but wanted to be at home with my children. I have (and sometimes still) struggled with this. In the way that people who I meet will find me boring as all I do is look after the kids, clean, cook etc etc.I am an interesting person who reads, keeps up to date with what is going on in the world and I don't just talk about my kids!

Anyway, I'm getting to my point now, my eldest is about to start school in September and all I get asked at the moment is "have you thought what you are going to do next?" "Are you going to go back to work" now this may be due to small talk etc but...

It makes me feel that I should be thinking about doing something else.
But I feel that the kids need me now more than ever when they are at school and what about school holidays etc.

This isn't a thread about what's best, being a stay at home mum or a working mum.

I would like to hear from other mums that didn't go back to work when their kids started school and what they did with their time when they were at school?

I do worry about how i will fill my time when that happens and if I will get bored. Is there anything wrong with not wanting to go back to work and look after your family? Why do women feel that they have to go back to work when they don't need to? I'm in a very lucky situation where I don't need to work for financial reasons although this could change at anytime as my partner is self employed. I don't want to start a discussion about how some women have to work etc etc.

I'm not sure if I am being clear, I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Would like to hear other people's opinions just to make me feel better about my choice I guess. Maybe I'm trying to justify my choice.

Thanks for reading!

valiumredhead Mon 13-May-13 21:36:07

DH's job means that he was rarely able to take time off if any of the children were ill so it is a relief to know that I have that covered. Finances are shared and both roles are equally valued by the other partner

I forgot to add that to my list, dh can never take the time off work if ds was ill so it would fall completely to me to sort out child care - works well me being around and no stress.

We also have a joint account and equal access to money.

num grin

dimsum123 Mon 13-May-13 21:36:57

Meant to also say I worked as a lawyer for 10 years before having dc's so have got the job/career thing out of my system!

1Catherine1 Mon 13-May-13 21:37:08

Although... while I was typing that last post, 4 people gave me a detailed answer. Thank you! It is quite interesting for me...

timidviper Mon 13-May-13 21:38:08

I returned to work 2 days a week and DCs went to a childminder on those days then I tried increasing to 3 days but found it too much so went back to 2.

When they were 14 and 11 I got a part-time, term-time contract so worked 9-3 in termtimes only which was brilliant as I do think my children needed me, in person, more as teenagers than they did as little ones when they were ok as long as fed, watered and safe.

I agree you should do what suits you and not take notice of what anyone else thinks

valiumredhead Mon 13-May-13 21:38:08

1catherine1 ime people aren't really interested they just like telling people ho they couldn't possibly be a SAHM as they would get sooooo bored.

Budgiegirlbob Mon 13-May-13 21:40:11

There's nothing wrong at all with wanting to be a SAHM, even when the kids are all school age. In fact, I think that older children need a parent around as much, or even more, than younger ones do.

I am self employed running a (very) small business, and often I have weeks with no work at all. I have no problem filling my days! By the time I've walked the dog, done some housework, been to the gym or out for a bike ride, shopping, made dinner for the evening, it's time do the school run again. Having already sorted dinner, I can chat to the kids, hear about their day, help with homework, run them to clubs etc without getting stressed.

Sometimes I'll meet a friend for coffee, or join a friend for dog walk, I see friends at the gym, and also volunteer as a cub leader. I've also done short part time college courses in subjects that I'd always fancied having a go at but didn't have time to do before when I worked full time.

I have plenty to fill my days!

Bowlersarm Mon 13-May-13 21:40:14

I'm a SAHM. Youngest DS is 13.

I can see it wouldn't be for everyone but I don't have enough hours in my day.

Housework, gardening, dog walks, shopping, catching up with friends, watching children play in sports matches, paper work, school stuff like class coffee mornings, school runs.

I don't bring in an income but feel it occupies me full time.

numbum Mon 13-May-13 21:40:17

See I have the best of both worlds doing half and half and only working term time. Everybody should be like me grin Again, I'm only joking but what I do completely suits me

I gave up work when mine were starting school. It's much harder to juggle work with kids at school ime!

marilynmonroe Mon 13-May-13 21:44:01

Thanks for all your responses. It's good to hear positive stuff from SAHMs!

My DD will go to school next year so only a year between them!

Shakey1500 Mon 13-May-13 21:44:23

I was a SAHM for 4 years and chose to return to work FT. I find it bloody hard! We were managing well on one wage but a great job came up, seemed do-able and the extra money goes a LONG way towards our utterly selfish retirement plans. So I focus on that. But I miss being a SAHM. I miss being able to do house-worky type things on a week day instead of cramming it in over the weekend and spending quality time with DS.

exoticfruits Mon 13-May-13 21:44:35

Lots of volunteering things you can do to fit in with school hours.

nenevomito Mon 13-May-13 21:44:57

Being a stay at home parent is an alluring choice. Time spent with your children and not as much chaos and running around. If its what you want to do then go for it.

Its not for me though. I like having my own financial independence, my own pension and the knowledge that should anything happen to DH, my children and I would be OK. I love family time evenings and weekends and holidays too.

Maybe folks just want to make conversation. Small talk is small talk. I doubt people really care whether you're a SAHM.

pointythings Mon 13-May-13 21:46:08

I couldn't be a SAHM, but that is a failing in me. I've always worked, mostly f/t, DDs were in nursery from 6 months (no 39 weeks paid Mat leave back then).

But I wouldn't dream of judging anyone who chose to be a SAHM. The only thing I would say is be careful - two of my friends who were SAHMs were dumped by their 'D'H for a younger, tighter and child-free version of their former selves, and they have found it very hard going trying to work and make ends meet. They've done it, but it has been tough.

AlvinHallsGroupie Mon 13-May-13 21:46:22

valium some of us have SAH when Dc are little but have good careers and find going back suits us when DC are older- no sneering,no being bored just we enjoy both parts of our lives .

Weegiemum Mon 13-May-13 21:47:36

I'm a p/t working, p/t sahm to 3 dc aged 9,11,13.

I work school hours 2 days a week teaching family literacy, and on my "off" days I do a bit of tutoring and freelance literacy training.

I love being able to be here when the dc get in, spend my holidays with them etc. dh works long hours (in fact this is Monday night, ill not see him till Thursday due to on-call commitments) so we think its best to have someone at home and I couldn't earn 1/4 of his salary.

We very much see me being sah as a "proper job" though. I manage the house, finances, our holiday-let property, etc.

Me being sah is partly as I have a disability which would make a return to classroom teaching almost impossible. But I don't for one minute regret my time at home with the dc.

BettyandDon Mon 13-May-13 21:47:44

My mum was like you. She learned Spanish, Japanese, Geology stuff at University. She was always making things, doing gardening, home decorating etc. She read a lot of books and magazines. I remember loads of Marie Claire's about the house. She had friends over for coffee. She was a gym bunny for a while.

I think a lot of mums do blogging, Pinterest type of stuff now.

I think it's a shame there are not so many SAHMs nowadays. I do very little in and around the home as its tiny and I tend to take the kids (6 mos and 2.8) out all the time.

I have found that my teenage DC need me more now than they did when they were 5-15. Various problems, illnesses, troubles, remote location, etc. you just don't know what will be required.

scottishmummy Mon 13-May-13 21:48:39

I don't need to work,we won't be in penury if I don't.i want to work
I want to maintain career,financial solvency, I want to be avoid role model
don't want to be housewife.had nursery place booked at 12wk pg

Sharptic Mon 13-May-13 21:49:21

I don't think the world would go round if we were all sahm or all working parents. It's good to have a mix and you and your family sound happy, that's all good!

I do think that going back to work, either after a few months maternity, when the kids start school or when they have flown the nest is a big upheaval, which usually settles down. I can imagine that after a while being a sahm, working life might seem a huge step and if you can avoid it, great!

I need to know though, as I've heard it a couple of times recently. Will my children need me more than ever once they are at school full time? I plan to continue working as I do now, just part time, so is life going to get even more complicated? (1 is already at school)

valiumredhead Mon 13-May-13 21:49:46

alvin sorry it's late, I didn't understand your post to me <thick>

everlong Mon 13-May-13 21:50:41

Do what suits your family.

BettyandDon Mon 13-May-13 21:51:28

She also did lots of helping at school. She was an ex-teacher and used to always get allocated the naughty kids!

LimitedEditionLady Mon 13-May-13 21:51:39

I work part time two days and have a two year old but dont think i plan to go back full time again when its schooltime although i think people will be saying oh are you doing more hours?life can be hectic now with just two days at work so i think id like time to relax a bit and not have to rush everything all the time.the only time im not with child is when im at work and the rest of time im doing things with child and doing chores and running the household.so to me thats enough to do!!i will need a rest by schooltime lol

BimbaBirba Mon 13-May-13 21:51:42

I'm currently a SAHM. I quit my job because I was really miserable and didn't earn enough to cover childcare during term time and holidays. I feel much happier and relaxed. I always find things to do and I don't feel bored. I don't really care what other people think but sometimes I do worry about never being able to work again if I later change my mind and I want to go back

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