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To want to rip her head off and kick it into a hedge...

(11 Posts)
Asteria Mon 13-May-13 20:48:19

I am about to marry quite possibly the kindest mean I have ever met sadly his ex wife is a narcissistic monster (her father is a chronic malicious narcissist and his mother was schizophrenic) who is destroying their two little children's (5&7) self-confidence and emotional wellbeing. I seem to spend contact weekends patching the little things up to go back and be torn apart by her all over again. She is not an alcoholic, drug user or physical abuser - it is all just her scraping by on the bare necessity of parenting - and that is for show. Now she plans to move them to a new home and school for the second time in less than 18 months (both inter-year) for a new boyfriend. The last move was for a different man...
The children are just an extension of her to be used as a weapon and she refuses to see how withdrawn they are, or that they shut down emotionally at the slightest raised voice, or that they are brutal with each other.
All I want to do is talk some sense into her, but failing that can I rip her head off please??

Hissy Mon 13-May-13 20:53:15

I feel your pain. I went out with a guy for a year, his ex tears their child to pieces, and it's excruciating to watch.

Could you and you H2B apply for increased full residency?

Hissy Mon 13-May-13 20:54:01

When I say you... I mean him naturally. Distracted.

kotinka Mon 13-May-13 20:54:56

could you and soon to be husband go for custody? doesn't sound a very stable situation, but obv. two sides to a story

Piemother Mon 13-May-13 20:56:27

Yanbu how very very sad. How parents lose the instinct to cherish and protect their dc is so confusing to me hmm

Asteria Mon 13-May-13 21:12:39

We would love to have them here for the larger majority of the time (I would be looking after them most of the time Hissy). She would see it as a personal attack though and that could make it worse for them. Bleurgh - our hands are tied until they are old enough to tell someone official how insane she is!
Piemother - from what I have heard she never had the instinct to cherish...

CrapBag Mon 13-May-13 21:25:35

How sad for those 2 children.

Can you not go for custody and prove that she is an unfit mother? Would they not speak to the children themselves even though they are not allowed to make their minds up yet? By the age they are allowed to they will be so much more damaged. sad

Hissy Mon 13-May-13 21:27:08

I meant more that as their dad, he is the one to apply, iykwim.

I think you and their dad need to be really honest about this, and talk to HV about your concerns, talk to laywers.

There are little ones having their lives torn to pieces. It has to be worth a fight. Go for full if possible.

What are the contact arrangements? Could your DP go to mediation?

Asteria Mon 13-May-13 22:04:09

DP has tried to do mediation twice - she isn't the negotiating type! We have them every other weekend and 50% of the holls. In theory it is alternate Xmas/Easter, but she "changed her plans" last year and refused to let us have them. The lawyer says that the evidence we have is good but not enough for a clear cut case so it could be a long process. He is still in massive debt from her ridiculous behaviour during the divorce. We also worry that she would make life so hellish during the process that it would have a more damaging effect. DD especially has become a bit of a people pleaser and says whatever she thinks people want her to hear - silly little lies but worrying all the same.

CrapBag Mon 13-May-13 22:23:33

I would still think it is worth trying. If it works it will get them away from a damaging adult.

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