Miss/Mrs/Ms

(160 Posts)
MephistophelesSister Mon 13-May-13 20:26:54

I don't usually get to het up about Miss/Mrs/Ms (and apologies in advance, because I know the debate crops up on here fairly frequently) But I am trying to buy some insurance, and am starting to lose my temper.

I am married, but I sometimes use my maiden name. For this particular insurance I actually need to use my maiden name. However, if I try and select 'Miss', the helpful website blocks me from proceeding with the message 'marital status does not correspond with title'.

I am fully entitled to use the prefix Dr. Unfortunately loads of websites won't offer this as an option (which is a pity, as I find it a handy dodge). In this case they will, but I gained my doctorate under my married name, so that doesn't sit right.

I can't (or really, really, shouldn't) lie about my marital status - that would put me on shaky ground if I ever came to claim, and might influence the quote. But as far as I know there is no law against/reason why a married woman can't continue to use her maiden name and prefix it with 'Miss'?

Using 'Mrs' in front of my maiden name just seems wrong, and I have simply never liked 'Ms'.

[Wails] why can't they just let me have it my way!!!

50shadesofknackered Mon 13-May-13 20:58:59

What really REALLY gets on my tits is when I receive post addressed to mrs dh initial or first name and then our surname!!! angry angry angry my first name is not the same as my husbands and just because I am married and was talked into have taken dh surname, does not mean I have morphed into some mindless married drone who doesn't even deserve to keep her own first name! Bastards! It drives me fucking crazy! It makes it worse coz dh's family are the worst culprits, every friggin birthday card addressed in this way. It makes me especially confused coz its women sending the cards. I know where they can shove their cards, tossers!
<And breathe>

EggsMichelle Mon 13-May-13 20:59:46

When I was 16 I managed to register myself as Rev. with an Internet provider, goodness knows how but it did amuse my parents when I got post from them.

quesadilla Mon 13-May-13 21:00:23

Mephistopheles try it. That'll learn 'em...

usualsuspect Mon 13-May-13 21:02:09

Just use Ms.I don't get all the bloody angst about it .

MephistophelesSister Mon 13-May-13 21:03:40

Aha! success.

I went with Mrs from on comparison site, but the actual insurer allows you to ammend details and they are far more reasonable beings.

I am now the proud owner of an insurance policy under the name of 'Miss Maidenname', marital status 'Married'.

Grump over blush. Still annoyed with comparison site though...

pinkr Mon 13-May-13 21:06:59

Why do you need to use maiden name? <curious>
As a matter of interest are you allowed to keep using whichever name you fancy whenever? I only ask as sometimes if like to be one and sometimes the other!

bollockstoit Mon 13-May-13 21:12:47

I really like being a Ms. As mrsrisotto says though, save the online quote, then call the insurers to clarify things.

tilder Mon 13-May-13 21:15:59

That would really piss me off too. Glad you got it sorted. I'm married, but haven't changed my name or title. Dp didn't, so why should I.

This kind of thing irritates the same way as the mortgage forms I got with person one in blue and person two in pink. I didn't think and filled in the pink, leaving the blue empty for dp. I hate pink. Guess who all the correspondence is addressed to?

Blue & pink mortgage forms! shock

Where were you getting your mortgage from - Disney?

MephistophelesSister Mon 13-May-13 21:21:11

OK - colour coded forms is definitely of a higher order - seriously? Pink?!

1Catherine1 Mon 13-May-13 21:23:16

OP you are in fact correct. You can use Miss if you so choose whenever you so choose. I did research (lots of googling and reading) and learnt that these are just social titles with no real meaning. So as an unmarried woman you could freely call yourself Mrs if you so choose and vis-versa. I agree you should be able to change this. That was how I was able to change my title from Miss to Mrs on my driving licence without my marriage certificate. Curiously, my pension company will allow me to change my name and title but not my marital status online.

As for using which ever you fancy... well I think that depends. I changed my name via deed poll and signed that I would always use my new name and never my old one, so I'm sure I'm not supposed to use it any more. I guess since you don't legally change your name upon marriage then you can use it when you want to. Many people choose to use their maiden name for business and married name for home life - this is perfectly acceptable.

Jan49 Mon 13-May-13 22:15:02

I'm Ms and I'm divorced. I've been a Ms all my adult life, whilst single, then married and now divorced. I call myself Ms because my marital status is none of anyone's business and I see it as a female equivalent to Mr, so it's really annoying when some people think it means divorced. It is of course short for Mindyourownbusines s!grin I also avoid putting a title sometimes, as in just "A Smith".

badguider Mon 13-May-13 22:20:10

I think you should have used Ms - by avoiding it you're perpetuating the 'divorcee' myth.

I did not change my name on marriage and I use Ms. I feel that Miss is saying 'not married' (but I am) and Mrs shouldn't be used with my surname but only DHs.. so I use Ms.

I wish more women would use Ms so that people stopped thinking the old fashioned idea that it has something to do with divorce.

tilder Mon 13-May-13 22:29:26

The mortgage was a proper company. Suppose I should be charitable and assume they weren't being sexist. looking back, it was at best patronising though. It was a very good rate, so financially a good move grin

I never assume ms means divorced. I see it as a title unconnected to marital status. Personally its not for me, would never choose to me Mrs, don't qualify for any other title earned or otherwise so that leaves me with miss.

Glad it's sorted now, all this is the reason i use 'ms' on everything - i'm a 'miss' but engaged so 'miss' feels wrong (to me) plus as has been mentioned my marital status is no ones business and i refuse to give companies more data about me than they need <i is covert init> grin

OrangeFireandGoldashes Mon 13-May-13 22:50:23

I'm married, kept my maiden name and use Ms too badguider, so there are some of us about!

jkklpu Mon 13-May-13 22:54:57

You are no longer MISS MaidenName because you are married.
You are not MISS MarriedName either
It's only a website - just do MS MaidenName and be done with it. If it's the name that matters in this case, really don't lose sleep about the title.

manicinsomniac Mon 13-May-13 23:19:50

Glad you got it sorted.

I don't like being referred to as Ms. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I'm not married and I don't see the need to hide it.

StickyProblem Mon 13-May-13 23:24:54

Ms is just the female equivalent of Mr. What's not to like?!

ComposHat Mon 13-May-13 23:30:05

I can't see the fuss, I like Ms.

Radical: if you don't like the set up of the website then use a different one!

An estate agents I signed up to online didn't have the option of ms (just mrs and miss). So I selected mr and moaned at them when they rang me

SanityClause Tue 14-May-13 05:59:50

Why do we even need these silly titles, anyway?

Mr says, "I am a man".

Mrs/Miss/Ms say "I am a woman who is, isn't or may be married".

Why is it important to specify your sex when saying your name? Why is it even relevant?

myfriendflicka Tue 14-May-13 06:18:36

Ms is good, as has been said it is the equivalent of Mr. Why shouldn't women have a title that does not make reference to their marital status just like men do?

I also didn't change my name on marriage and after my husband died five years ago, got a lot of pressure to go back to Miss, which I find annoying and prim at my age, as though I am some sort of fossilated born-again virgin.

Humourless and self-important eh? We don't say that about men who call themselves Mr do we?

A neutral title is a good thing, unfortunately I do spend a lot of time being asked: "Miss or Mrs?" and saying: "Mssssssssssss!" as in the buzzing of angry bees. As I am thinking of getting some bees for my garden perhaps I shall get them to apply for anything that involves quoting a title grin

MumnGran Tue 14-May-13 06:19:22

Shades -
they may not be trying to offend or make a point, only staying with a format which may now feel outdated but was always considered to be "correct form". Writing to married women as Mrs (DH initial or name) (DH surname) was the accepted format, and not doing so would have been considered poor etiquette.

Nowadays, women's role in society has radically changed and we are lucky to be able to see ourselves as independent regardless of marital status; formal etiquette takes a century or so longer to catch up! I am as guilty as anyone ....though now only use the form for Christmas cards to married couples (why?!?!?) and when sending out wedding invitations (not an everyday occurrence!). I guess its high time I changed blush

What annoyed me far more was the refusal of some companies to accept that a woman could be a householder in her own right! - lost count of the mail addressing me as MR (female name!!) Surname. So ....at least some things have changed for the better smile

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