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woman was trying to force dd to eat a hamwidge

(513 Posts)
rosepettel Mon 13-May-13 05:54:12

yesterday i got told by dd that her mate mum was trying to force her to eat a hamwidge even thou we are veges.. dd got very upset and distressed.. im going to ring the woman and go nuts but what can i say..why would she do this she knows we are veges..im so angry at the min what would you do? woman was saying just eat it i wont tell youre mum but dd was saying no i dont want it and was crying i am so angry.. what will i do please help?

cozietoesie Mon 13-May-13 08:56:00

In some ways, she has a point! Only in some ways, mind you.

She needs challenging, I have seen adults try to do this, not only towards Vegetarian children but other religions. I don't think that it needs to turn into a massive confrontation, unless the Mother gets insulting. Anyone who is displaying ignorance towards another person's beliefs or lifestyle should be pulled up on it. Too many people are to quick to defend the actions of arseholes and we shouldn't be so quick to dismiss what has been told to us, by a child who has been alone with an adult, sometimes situations occur just as the child has re-told it.

SoupDragon Mon 13-May-13 09:02:57

Welcome to MN, OP.

MrsMelons Mon 13-May-13 09:04:20

If it happened exactly how described this is completely out of order - she shouldn't be trying to force your child to eat anything regardless of whether she is vegetarian or not.

I know its a bit daft to comment on it as irrelevant to the thread but I am a bit confused over the hamwidge thing - I get now that it is a ham sandwich but in my 33 years I have never ever heard of someone call it a hamwidge - what is up with ham sandwich? although I think I quite like how it sounds

hackmum Mon 13-May-13 09:04:59

cozietoesie - I've discovered in Spain that they seem to regard ham as vegetarian - you ask for a dish that doesn't have any meat, and it comes sprinkled with bits of ham! They seem to regard it as a condiment.

By the way, I wish people would stop saying that the OP's children must have misunderstood what's going on. Why? A 4 year old and 6 year old are perfectly capable of understanding what's said to them and repeating it.

Unfortunately, nutrition is one of those areas where extreme ignorance meets extreme self-righteousness - hence all those threads we see on here where MiLs insist that breast milk must be bad for the baby, it needs formula, it needs crumbled up rusk in its bottle, it should be fed biscuits from the age of three months etc.

cheeseandpineapple Mon 13-May-13 09:05:53

She sounds pretty unpleasant but I wouldn't confront her at this stage, given it was a party, hard to know for sure what the circumstances were exactly and if your dd and her dd are good friends then you want to avoid undermining the friendship but at least you know to tread carefully. If your daughter is invited over for a play date, I'd have a word then and make it clear that your dd's vegetarian and doesn't eat any meat including ham and if that's a problem then maybe her dd should come over to yours for cheesewiches instead..

If you are keen to confront the situation then as others say, deep breath and raise it as calmly as you can but I think it is likely to create an issue going forward whereas for sake of your dd would be better if you manage the situation going forward.

Would also tell your dd that if she does ever go round there again you will explain to the other mum that you don't eat meat and reassure her that you'll deal with it so she's not put off going again.

I'd say give the woman a wide bearth if you can but unfortunately we can't always pick the families we want our children to be friends with.

I really struggle at times with mother of one of my DD's best friends but my DD adores her DD and would be devastated not to see her friend outside of school so I have to tolerate this woman as best as I can for DD's sake. DD's friend is lovely, it's just her mum who's nuts!

TheChaoGoesMu Mon 13-May-13 09:07:05

I don't think its awfully detailed toad. My 5 year old would be more than capable of articulating that at age 4. And the detail is so plausible that I would think it very unlikely that she made it up.

I am loving everything new I am learning about bread and witches!

You need to teach your dd that ham is easily removed from food, so that next time, she turns her hamwich into a wich and eat it neat. She could perhaps substitute ham with crisp or grape, making a crispwich or a grapewich. Wonderful!

nenevomito Mon 13-May-13 09:28:46

I wonder if it went.

Would you like a Ham Sandwich? (refuse to say the other word it sounds stupid),

No, mummy says I'm not allowed (sounds more like a 4 year old to me)

Go one, try one... etc.

Before you go in all guns blazing, make sure you actually check out if things happened the way your DDs say they did. If you don't, you could find yourself with very few party invites for your DDs.

If she did say. 'Just eat it, I won't tell your mum' - that is really wrong, as far as I am concerned. I once freaked out because I realised I had given prawn crackers to a child whose family keep rules akin to kosher - ie no seafood. I spoke to them at once and they were fine with it (they said there is no prawn just artificial flavours in prawn crackers, so it was OK), but I felt awful.

I cannot imagine encouraging a child to eat something I know their parents do not want them to eat, and telling them it can be concealed from their parents - which is lying by omission. It is akin to offering a child alcohol or drugs and saying their parents don't have to know.

squeakytoy Mon 13-May-13 09:47:02

OP, if your daughter had said she wanted to try the ham sandwich, would you have allowed her to?

nenevomito Mon 13-May-13 09:53:16

I'm not saying the mum was right to say "go on, try one", but I seriously doubt that someone tried to force a crying child to eat something she didn't want to. You'd have to be a complete cunt to do that and I just don't buy it.

ChunkyPickle Mon 13-May-13 09:54:18

Completely irrelevant, but I think hamwich, and jamwich are fine, but pbwich and cheesewich are silly.

I think the rhyming makes a difference.

EglantinePrice Mon 13-May-13 09:58:53

I'd be asking her something like

"do you know we're vege?"
"dd said you tried to force her to eat a ham sandwich, why would she say that?"

and go from there. quoting what she said to dd if necessary.

But ultimately I wouldn't be sending the dd there again. Its very bullying and sneaky and she's breached your trust.

MotherOfSuburbia Mon 13-May-13 10:03:07

A dad did this with my eldest when he went to his first party on his own, aged 5. He really drilled him about why he was vegetarian which I thought was a little harsh on someone so young.
As it happens, I am quite happy with my children choosing what they eat at parties although we don't eat meat at home: 2 of them will happily munch on ham sandwiches but my eldest would never ever touch the stuff.
Either way, I think it's inappropriate to question a parent's decisions with a child. If the adult has a problem with vegetarianism, they should talk to the other adult.

greenbananas Mon 13-May-13 11:24:09

I wouldn't send your DD to this woman's house again. If she can undermine you and upset your DD like that, she is not to be trusted.

Did this woman not realise that if your DD has never eaten ham before it might upset her tummy a bit and/or make her feel sick?

Actually, this is the kind of ignorant, interfering stupidity that gives me nightmares. DS1 (same age as your DD) has life-threatening food allergies to random-seeming stuff like bananas and peas, and I dread the day he has to deal with somebody telling him, "Go on, a little bit won't hurt, it can't be that bad, I won't tell your mum..." sad

KatoPotato Mon 13-May-13 11:41:38

THIS is a hamwich!

Pigsmummy Mon 13-May-13 11:46:38

Tunwich?

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Mon 13-May-13 12:06:39

Just so you know, when you Google the sandwich with your spelling, this thread is the first that comes up.

Do you mean 'hamwich' -As Google politely informed me- Or is it some sort of sneery term for the ham sandwiches many children eat? confused

Sorry, more interested in terminology than thread. Your DD will be offered meat all her life. She'll either deny it or eat it.

So... I refer to hamwich?

I can quite easily believe that someone tried to force a child to eat a ham sandwich. There are one or two mothers I know at DS's school who have some weird ideas about children being veggie and I would not be surprised if it came out they had tried to persuade a child to eat meat.

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 13-May-13 12:35:39

Hamwidge is probably the most annoying word I've seen on Mn, it's up there with amazeballs and gawguss.
And if you have to use it, please use hamwich.
Though I'd rather you didn't.

BlackAffronted Mon 13-May-13 12:37:04

I love that the blog up there is just called "Shite Food" <bookmarks it for further food inspiration>

MarmaladeTwatkins Mon 13-May-13 12:38:09

Do they still do Hamwiches?!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

LemonsLimes Mon 13-May-13 12:40:58

Could she have wafer thin ham Barbara? grin

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdXayLlOs10

Nagoo Mon 13-May-13 12:41:37

There is prawn in prawn crackers, surprisingly.

I don't think it's even about the vegetarian thing. If a stranger tried to get my child to eat anything so forcefully that it made her cry, then I'd be having serious words.

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