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to admit I find days like today hard

(191 Posts)
ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 19:58:00

Wet, miserable Sunday (following on from a wet miserable Saturday) I have not spoken with a soul all weekend blush I find I reach this point on a Sunday and I feel strange and empty and really, really sad.

I know I'm not being unreasonable - but am I the only one?

Saddayinspring2 Tue 14-May-13 22:41:19

I get the pre work downer sometimes before a difficult week, or after a difficult work situation too.
I love my weekends because I work 1 in 4 of them therefore the relaxation is just bliss when I am home. I used to hate them because they often meant cleaning and arguments!
The bottom line is when we are on our own a LOT it can detach you a bit and feel lonely. It's natural. And you don't see many facebook posts about it !
So thanks for your honesty OP and I hope it helps that so many of us feel the same sometimes depending on circumstances.

SkivingAgain Tue 14-May-13 22:26:55

I find Sundays miserable too. I've started volunteering for Contact the Elderly who host afternoon teas one Sunday a month. Look them up on t'web. It's good fun and the guests have fascinating stories to tell.

ilikehomecookedfood Tue 14-May-13 22:15:29

Being a Buddhist monk sounds WICKED! grin

Sorry to everyone else who has those low moods/feelings. They are hard, and they aren't even so much about being content with yourself - I think it's just that naturally other people are or can be comforting, a comforting presence, someone to share thoughts and ideas and memories with and a distraction. I've had a hard few weeks work wise and I do have a few work-based anxieties which is probably why I feel most tense/nervous/low on Sunday nights (it makes no logical sense but I do sometimes get worried about the week ahead.)

I promise, I am a very sociable person, I love my friends to pieces, they are absolute rocks but they don't live locally (bar one) and like I've said, I'm trying to meet new people, cookery class, slimming class (grin - the irony!) horse-riding and body combat but it's a long process meeting people and I can't afford to do EVERYTHING - I'd be broke! shock

I think this thread for me was the equivalent of just wanting a bit of human comfort and chat and in hindsight it was a bad idea - should have just posted about funny books or something - but you know smile

Notcontent Tue 14-May-13 21:43:00

OP, I hope you are ok. Lots of people here can sympathise with how you feel.

Hissy - it is true that we are all responsible for our own happiness, etc, blah, blah... Yes, it's true that just having a partner will not make us happy. BUT - let's face it - you would have to be a Buddhist monk not to allow external forces affect how you feel. Speaking from a personal perspective, I try to keep busy, and I know that I have many things to be thankful for - but guess what, sometimes on the weekend I just wish I had another adult to have dinner with. I think that's only human!!!
Unless you have been completely alone, it's hard to know what that's really like.

moisturiser Tue 14-May-13 21:16:21

Haven't got the energy to read the whole thread so apologies if it's moved on, I just want to say I know how you feel.

I am alone 95% of the time (have a lodger but don't see them much). I can't work either. Literally, I sit in my house day after day after day alone, other than seeing my carer for a couple of hours a week. And the lodger for the odd half hour. But I'm actually really happy at present, just dumped someone who wasn't right, and I have good friends, lots of groups to [occasionally] go to, lovely hobbies. But there are definitely moments when I want to wail with the utter loneliness of it. It can be a torment. It's usually at night, especially at weekends, and actually hits usually after I've been out because I've had fun and life seems a bit empty suddenly. Plus it does feel like everyone else is with their family at that moment, having a lovely time. I desperately wanted to be married and have children and the children thing definitely won't happen now.

It's like you say, op, when there are hours and hours to fill, you can have hobbies which keep you busy for a bit, but they don't fill the time 24/7. I'm very grateful I like my own company and do have the hobbies I have because I'm completely convinced this life would kill some.

I have been doing a lot of work recently to try and like my situation more than I have in the past because there's no guarantee this isn't forever for me (though I do think I'll meet someone again soon, just a case of getting out) I'd recommend the Book of Silence by Sara Maitland (the idea someone chose my life made me take another look at the positives), and watch 'Ben Fogle, Lives in Wild' too - again more people choosing to be alone and loving it. I constantly try to do new things, and I'm trying to fill the lonely hours with new films and books rather than feeling sorry for myself. I'd kill to be able to foster (not well enough) or have a dog too. They're on the list of 'maybe's for the future.

everlong Tue 14-May-13 21:06:17

Hey OP I hope you feel a bit better now?

I find weekends hard tbh. The constant trying to please everyone, make sure everyone's happy. Then it pisses down. And you have to rearrange plans.

I prefer week days when they're all at work and school smile <misery>

OP ignore posters who are saying you are selfish etc for wanting to go it alone with a child.

Bringing a child into the world is selfish whether you are single or part of a couple - people have children for their own benefit, not the child's.

You sound thoughtful, sensible and like you would be a good mum. I hope it all works out for you.

Ponyo73 Tue 14-May-13 19:45:01

Crappy, wet sunday(with cold), who is feeling like doin' a jig? You needed to vent and get it out there. Think some posters are just a bit exasperated that they can't give you a resolution to your weekend of woe but you have friends, a good job and a roof over your head. Circumstances might change that will enable you to perhaps think about fostering or adopting. Please look into it. Sorry if I'm saying all the wrong things.

Saddayinspring2 Tue 14-May-13 19:37:36

Ah, crossed posts. It's ok to feel like you did, people were only trying to see if they could help alleviate those feelings:-)

Saddayinspring2 Tue 14-May-13 19:35:56

Some of your answers seem like you don't want to connect with us at all, although I can see you might be feeling a bit defensive as you want support but not to be pitied or told what to do?

Are you feeling Any better yet! Hope so

ilikehomecookedfood Tue 14-May-13 19:32:25

Hissy, I'm not "banging on" about anything! I'm answering people!

I do quite like who I am actually!

Believe me, I appreciate all I have but to be honest despite me trying to be patient and polite, you are quite fixed in the opinion, really, that I'm a negative, miserable person - based on what was very much a snapshot of both my life and thoughts - I am intelligent and well educated and I trust my judgement with this. If I didn't, well, I wouldn't be doing it.

Since it WAS two days ago, I would be quite pleased if we could maybe draw a line under it?

ilikehomecookedfood Tue 14-May-13 19:25:32

Thanks Ponyo - the only thing is that I wasn't, really, talking in this thread about my desire to be a mum. It was Sunday evening; I felt low, a bit ill with a cold and lonely.

I DO want to be a parent, more than anything, and much as I like them, I don't want a dog, I have cats already and I love them but they are not the same as a child and it's a bit crass to suggest they are, really. After all, you don't carry a cat for nine months, give birth to a cat or breastfeed a cat (well, some weird people might! grin) But even more than that, a cat is not a child, your own child. It's quite normal, despite what people want to think, to be a woman in your mid-thirties longing for a child.

I am a very positive and happy person usually, but what can I say, sometimes, being alone can get to you ... that's all this thread was. I know people want to offer a solution but there aren't really many solutions to "Sunday evening, wet, cold, miserable."

Hissy Tue 14-May-13 19:24:54

You are the one that started the thread and are STILL banging on about it, now we have a child being brought into the mix for whatever reason.

You are not thinking about anyone except yourself, and tbh, are sounding more petulant and immature the longer this goes on. It's like a kid at a window looking out and saying 'I'm BORED!'

Shedloads of support/ideas/empathy and you have shrugged it all off.

You have your health, a job, a home, friends and hobbies. What screams through all this is that you aren't happy with yourself/your own company and are looking to external sources to fill that hole.

Please STOP running away from the issue. Face it and deal with it. It will transform your life.

The 30's are not easy, when you look at it from a 20 yo's perspective, but tbh, looking back on those years with a 40-odd year old perspective, it's not that big a deal, no need for all the angst and naval gazing. Relax, chill out and let life just 'be'.

Appreciate what you have, learn to love YOU, and it won't matter if it's raining outside, cos it'll be bright INSIDE.

You can change this, YOU and you alone. It's an outlook.

Ponyo73 Tue 14-May-13 19:21:01

Hissy, I agree with you wholeheartedly, it would be so damaging to introduce a child into this world if the OP had issues but what if the bandaid was to give another human love and kindness. What if contentment only came when there was someone she could give love and safety to. I know as a mother, I would feel, well words cannot describe the emptiness I would feel at not having a child. I think the OP has been very brave to open up and basically say, don't want dog, new friends, fed up and the core of what she is feeling is that, I want to be a mum. Sorry if I'm sounding over emotional.

ilikehomecookedfood Tue 14-May-13 18:57:23

I am not having a child to alleviate loneliness; please do not make assumptions about my character or what I am ready for based on one evening.

Hissy Tue 14-May-13 18:55:17

A child won't stop your feelings of loneliness, a dog, cat, cockatoo.

In fact, if you don't address the core of what you feel and why you feel it, and have the bandaid baby, you'll just damage another human being.

You need to learn to be content by yourself, to accept you as you, and enjoy your own company.

You are NOT ready for a child. You need to learn to be YOU first.

You are so resolute in your negativity, that tbh, I am starting to doubt the veracity of this thread.

ilikehomecookedfood Tue 14-May-13 18:52:02

Thank you, that's very kind smile I haven't really thought about fostering due to full time work commitments, I'd love to do it if I wasn't at work full time (and my house was bigger!) x

Ponyo73 Tue 14-May-13 18:50:53

Sorry if this has already been suggested but have you ever thought about fostering. You sound like you have so much to give and they are crying out for good foster parents. I don't have any knowledge or experience on fostering but I bet you would make a great mum.

ilikehomecookedfood Tue 14-May-13 18:14:43

I don't think I've ever stated that I would be having a child to alleviate boredom; that would be because it isn't true. I'm having a child because I want one, more than anything else. That is true of most people who plan a baby.

If mid/mild depression when poorly on a rainy Sunday is a reason not to have a child then I will answer that charge. However, I don't believe it is. I have given this a great deal of thought, planning and foresight. Note I did not mention my plans on this thread because they are not relevant.

With respect I posted about ONE evening on my life, on ONE weekend of my life and I don't think that tells everything there is about me!

Whoever asked what I would tell the child about their father - the truth.

valiumredhead Tue 14-May-13 08:24:20

I was thinking about this thread last night, OP please give serious thought to having a child on your own, if there is even a tiny part of you that is doing it to alleviate boredom then please don't do it. There is nothing lonelier than being with a small baby on your own having to cope by yourself and that's even with a partner.

Monty27 Mon 13-May-13 23:52:51

OP so you want a baby to abate your loneliness? shock

Personally, I'm thinking of getting a dog.

Thepig I'm with you on this.

<shakes head and wanders off for a breather>

Notcontent Mon 13-May-13 23:47:28

Soft kitty - I just read your post, and you could be my twin...

Can I just say that when I first found myself alone I thought that if I made a huge effort - making new friends, getting out, etc. - then I would be able to build for myself this new, busy, social life. I really did try.

thepig Mon 13-May-13 23:47:05

Kitty I'm sure you're a great parent.

It's not about being a single parent. It's about positively deciding to have and raise a child on your own at a time when you're perhaps not in the best frame of mind.

No one would seriously suggest that's an ideal or even good situation. And that child has no father history at all, no recourse later in life that even an abandoned child has if they desire, and no history that the child of a deceased parent has.

Notcontent Mon 13-May-13 23:39:48

Hi OP
I am joining this thread late, but just saw it and had to post, because I know exactly how you feel. I am a few years older than you, and I am also a lone parent - but obviously a small child is not quite the same as adult company. Like you, I work, and I do have some friends, but weekends can be quite lonely. I don't think humans are really good at living alone... I found the bank holiday weekend very difficult because I was craving having another adult to talk to. My life wasn't always like this, it's just how things have turned out...

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 13-May-13 23:32:27

ThePig my DS doesn't have an involved father either - his father abandoned me, refused to have anything to do with DS and has never even seen him. My DS is happy, healthy, well-adjusted, bright, friendly, polite and considerate. You don't need an involved father to bring up a child, and bring that child up well. Are you saying single parents aren't allowed to feel any emotions, or that we all, as parents, should be perfect in every way before having a child, lest our emotions and insecurities are passed onto our offspring?

Just because I'm a lonely parent, doesn't mean I'm a bad one. Just because the OP feels the way she feels, doesn't mean she'll make a bad parent or that her feelings will have some kind of detrimental effect on her child.

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