to admit I find days like today hard

(191 Posts)
ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 19:58:00

Wet, miserable Sunday (following on from a wet miserable Saturday) I have not spoken with a soul all weekend blush I find I reach this point on a Sunday and I feel strange and empty and really, really sad.

I know I'm not being unreasonable - but am I the only one?

My sil has made a load if new mates at Zumba - actual friends - apparently it's really social.

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 20:44:10

It's not just you!

Laurie, I do often do the things you've mentioned - it's just doing them on your own all the time often takes a bit of the joy out of it all really smile I can do things, you can always find stuff to DO, but I feel a bit lonely, sad, that others are with big groups of friends or families or partners while I'm stuck bumbling round somewhere alone.

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 20:45:20

I do have friends, though, Laurie. It's lovely of you to make these suggestions but the problem is that no matter how many people you are friends with, there are times when you can't see them as they are tied up doing their own stuff and weekends is one of these times.

Apologies if this is a dim question

Any chance you're looking for a partner?

Do you want to be alone - great if you do. If you don't have you considered dating? wink

xkittyx Sun 12-May-13 20:47:21

I totally understand. My DH works a lot of weekends and one does start feeling a bit unreal after a couple of days in the house. If I didn't know he would be home to provide some company at some point I can imagine I'd feel terrible and really lonely.
And I also have friends but one doesn't have plans necessarily every weekend.
Also, while I love my exercise classes and have been going for years, I've never struck up a friendship at one.

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 20:50:59

Laurie - no, I'm not really looking to meet anyone! Thanks, though smile

Kitty, yes, this is the problem. Bizarrely I tend to find things come in waves so I'll have one weekend where I find myself longing for some peace and quiet, then the next four weekends will be dead!

The other thing is that it can be expensive entertaining yourself - I love horse-riding but even that costs £30 for two hours and I can't really justify spending a fortune on travel and cinema and theatre every single weekend!

leobear Sun 12-May-13 20:55:26

What would you most like to change about your life at the moment?

Snowfedup Sun 12-May-13 20:58:02

What about a team sport like hockey, football or rugby - at a good sports club you can play a match then watch a few then often go to bar for some food or a drink and often spend whole day there, it can be really social and if like me you aren't brilliant you can usually play on a lower team just for fun !

drinkyourmilk Sun 12-May-13 21:03:34

Where a bouts are you? There are probably loads of us on MN that would live to meet new people and don't spend all weekend with family.
I'm near Brighton btw if anyone else is!

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 21:06:18

Thanks, I'm not in Brighton unfortunately smile it sounds like a lovely place! grin

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 21:08:59

I know exactly how you feel, and I live with my BF.

He's been at football today, which is ideal as I'm studying for my final exam, but I've felt dreadful all day.

It's hard to explain.

Solitary, in a bubble, not real (as you said).

I'm not depressed, and going out doesn't really help.. I don't know what it is really.

Sometimes I feel it, other times I don't.

The BF will be back shortly, and it'll go away then, but I don't understand it. I'm very confident, happy, run my own business and have plenty of Uni work to do, but I feel very odd some days.

Also, I don't know about you, but going out and doing something, even if it's social, can make me feel worse! Unless it's with someone I know well.

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 21:12:28

it is a very strange sort of feeling, and very unpleasant. I'm pleased your bf is returning soon.

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 21:16:03

I wonder if it's a type of anxiety?

I feel okay, but just a strange background dread type feeling, like something awful has just happened and I'm looking at it from a distance.

I sound like a loon now! (grin)

I used to live on my own, about 2.5yrs ago now, and had it all the time then too, but strangely only at weekends when I felt most isolated and alone.

I probably should have house shared and not lived alone.

Hope you are feeling better for posting?

Undertone Sun 12-May-13 21:16:06

I'm a weird loner. I had a lovely weekend going for runs, food shopping, batch cooking, watching a box set, cleaning, reading. Don't think i said a word to anyone yesterday except at the checkout. Spoke to mum for ages on the phone today though, and i had to bark "excuse me!" at a dozy couple blocking the path on today's run.

But i do know what you mean about Sunday evenings. Good time to pluck eyebrows and paint nails i find. They're also optimal newspaper and magazine reading time.

I do worry that sometimes only talking to 1 or 2 people over 48 hours is probably turning my brain to mush. It's not that I'm thinking particularly deep thoughts or being creatively productive or anything... Maybe it's a waste? See... I was having a lovely time but this is Sunday night thinking.

I'm 29. I keep putting off getting a life. Can't lose weight and party like a hoodlum at the same time though. <pokes shrinking belly... And also winces at empty bank account>

Foosyerdoos Sun 12-May-13 21:16:54

Could you do any volunteering or befriend an elderly person?

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 21:18:38

nitrox, if you're a weirdo so am I, as that's just how I feel. So strange.

foosyerdoos, I can do things, I am not short of things to fill my time, but it's just the lack of human contact. I accept what you're saying about volunteering but to be honest it's still going out doing something, what I feel the lack of is someone to veg out and do nothing with.

leobear Sun 12-May-13 21:20:16

So you need a boyfriend/girlfriend or a housemate?

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 21:20:17

I'm 29 too, and can't lose weight lol, are you my twin undertone ?

I'm wondering about whether its a little existential crisis.

That fearful feeling that you can't quite explain can be put down to anxiety and a feeling of dread. It gives rise to a deep fear that is difficult to put words to but with a flavour of: do I matter, is this all there is, is there more than this?

These feelings can be ameliorated with thought, mindfulness, recognition of feeling, deep breathing - and a knowledge that it will pass.

It is a fine balance of thought and action in life. I find when I have too many thoughts I definitely need a little more action.

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 21:25:00

Leo, no, I don't 'need' anything per se. In any case, wanting something doesn't equal getting - god, I sound like my mother! grin

I think my Sunday feeling often gets exaggerated by worries about the upcoming week, even though there's nothing specific I am worried about, as I don't get it when on holiday or on a Saturday night. Sunday blues I guess! But obviously when I'm with people it takes my mind off it.

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 21:25:21

I find when I have too many thoughts I definitely need a little more action

Me too!

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 21:28:29

Laurie I don't don't about the OP, but I think for me it's anxiety related, even if I don't consciously realise I'm anxious. I finish Uni soon and I have mixed feelings about that, I'm glad, but I'll miss the challenge. I also know I have no excuse not to go gym and diet as technically the reason I didn't do it before was because of Uni stress.. blush

So maybe anxiety, with pressures to lose weight.

I guess to OP could have different pressures and axieties and it just creates a similar chain reaction in the brain?

The problem is, you could leave the house, go to the gym and swimming and back home and not speak to anyone.. sometimes that feeling of no-one noticing you, or no-one knowing if you are okay or need help can be a wierd feeling, like a sense of abandonment or something.

I don't know if that makes any sense at all blush

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 21:29:37

*I don't know about OP...

I meant, sorry!

leobear Sun 12-May-13 21:29:44

Sorry, need sounded a bit patronising. It's just when you said you miss having someone to veg out with, I was wondering what the possibilities cold be....

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 21:31:29

where are you nitrox, I live in the most boring town in the world (although I do love it!) but I'll definitely exercise with you if you're nearby.

leo, don't worry, I didn't think it was patronising, it's just true that we don't always get what we want and this has been very true for me in terms of a relationship. Just the luck of the draw grin

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