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Or am I to strict? How would you have reacted?

(153 Posts)
OHforDUCKScake Sun 12-May-13 19:35:05

My 6 year old son was playing with his friend who is 10 outside. He's a nice boy and they've always got on well.
I was in the kitchen and I heard this absolute wail come from outside that was my son. I ran out and he was clutching his eye and sobbing uncontrollably.
His friend was saying sorry to him and comforting him, and told he'd shot him in the eye with his Nerf gun.
DC couldnt open his eye so I didnt respond, and just ushered DS inside.
A cold compress later he could open it, but it was swollen.

We asked what happened when he'd calmed down, he said his friend shot him in the eye with a nerf gun. His dad asked how fat away he was stood and he said "where mum is now", at which point I had a cold compress against his eye so there was about half a foots width between our bodies.

A bit annoyed, I knocked on his door to as, what happened . He answered and I said just wanted to hear what happened (i.e was it deliberate) and he explained. He said "We swapped guns and I shot him in the eye."

Basically it pans out, it was deliberate but he didnt mean to hurt my son.

Then his mums comes to his side, I told her. She said "Oh dear. Did you say sorry?"

He said yes (he had).

That was it.

I left having to make a point of keeping my chin off the floor. His mum is a nice person from what I know of her but clearly we parent differently.

If that was my son especially if he was 10, who had shot a younger child, or any person in the eye, Id have been livid.

I was pissed off but now Im confused. Ive recently been doubting my parenting approaches with my son, Im having a bit of a wobble. And this has made me wonder if my reaction would have been too harsh.

So I put it to the jury, how would you have reacted if your child had done that?

Fancydrawers Sun 12-May-13 19:36:35

But what did you want her to do?

JerseySpud Sun 12-May-13 19:36:44

If my dd was 10 and had done that to a 6 year old i would have gone mental and most likely grounded her for a weekend.

But i dead strict

JerseySpud Sun 12-May-13 19:36:52

*i'm

SaidFlorence Sun 12-May-13 19:36:56

It was an accident, he apologised. These things happen...

He said sorry, it was an accident. What else is there to do?

HazleNutt Sun 12-May-13 19:40:13

no it was not an accident. a 10-year old should know better.

mrsjay Sun 12-May-13 19:41:01

I would have been annoyed and blathered on about how stupid they were but I think the kid has said sorry they were being daft with nerf guns I hope your son is ok and dont let him stop being friends just watch them witht he nerf guns

Nagoo Sun 12-May-13 19:41:31

I would have taken the toy away. What else do you want? He didn't mean to hurt him, he did something stupid, and he was sorry about it. I he had hurt him maliciously then I would have done something more punitive.

phantomnamechanger Sun 12-May-13 19:41:49

DD (11) accidentally shot DS (8) with a nerf gun last week while loading it, right in the eye - boy did he scream - she was mortified and apologetic and running round getting wet flannels etc. We did not need to add to her concern by punishing her for an accident she felt dreadful about. Different matter had it been deliberate!

But 10 is old enough to KNOW not to do that deliberately. And a very good apology is called for, at the very least - without knowing the kid its hard to say if he should be "punished" too - was he proper sorry or just shrugging it off?

ryanboy Sun 12-May-13 19:43:22

So is it your DS's gun? confused

Sirzy Sun 12-May-13 19:43:40

You don't know what was said after you had left. Perhaps she didn't want to talk about it with someone else around.

BoundandRebound Sun 12-May-13 19:44:11

Malice afore thought I'd have gone ballistic

Stupid mistake cos he's 10 and didn't realise apology suffices

When you went out 10 year old was shocked and comforting your child and apologising rather than running off or saying he didn't do anything - that's a decent kid who made a mistake and clearly has good boundaries

mrsjay Sun 12-May-13 19:44:42

maybe sirzy is right maybe the boy is getting a right telling off from his mum and she didnt want to rant on infront of you

zoobaby Sun 12-May-13 19:46:25

If the 10yo was mine I'd be explaining in no uncertain terms my disappointment and explain the dangers (bring out the old "it's all fun til someone gets hurt" chestnut), etc. I'd then get him to come over and see the injured younger child to reiterate his apology with a bit of explanation about how he now understands why it was unacceptable to do. Then we'd discuss a consequence which would probably involve giving up the Nerf gun for an amount of time.

Sirzy is right, I definitely would have told DC that it was stupid, what did they expect to happen, be more careful in future, should know better etc.

However I wouldn't have done that in front of you, and I had assumed that the mother probably would have done the same thing as I think thats what most parents would do, but not in front of you.

HotCrossPun Sun 12-May-13 19:47:22

Why would she speak to him about it properly when you were standing at the door?

Do you think that when they got inside it was never mentioned again?

BarbarianMum Sun 12-May-13 19:48:44

If I'd been his mother, I would probably have given him a right telling off. BUT I think BoundandRebound is right - a telling off might have made you feel better but it probably wasn't necessary in this instance.

Coconutty Sun 12-May-13 19:49:31

I would have talked to my DS in private, not in front of you at the door.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 12-May-13 19:51:50

What were you expecting her to do?

The 10yo didn't mean to hurt your ds, and reacted appropriately when he did. For all you know, they did have a talk about it afterwards, and her shouting and giving him a proper telling of just to appease you wouldn't have done any good anyway.

HarrietSchulenberg Sun 12-May-13 19:52:42

He's apologised. He looked after your son. It sounds as if it was a genuine accident and they were playing. He's only 10. Nerf guns go off easily. It's a nasty thing to happen but I don't know what else you expect.

Why either of you would give your child a gun that if shot at close range causes that kind of damage is beyond me.

Honestly, it sounds really like a very stupid thing to do.

mrsjay Sun 12-May-13 19:53:51

I never told dds off in front of anybody outside It is embarrassing and Id march them in to do it, I would have made them apologise which the mum did, then ranted like a loon when i closed the door

OHforDUCKScake Sun 12-May-13 19:54:42

She was very much "well, nerf guns hurt <laughs>"

I really, really doubt that she had any words with him at all.

But what someone pointed out was right, he did comfort him, and he was honest. Ive been thinking that.

I have to correct those who think it was an accident though, he admitted that it wasnt. I think it was just one of those not-thinking-this-through moments that children have.

mrsjay Sun 12-May-13 19:54:47

and what others said he didnt run off when he did it he was really upset and made sure your little boy was ok ,

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